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Thread: How to get through the hard days

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Griffith, In
    Thank you everyone, you are all so kind. I have read the posts many times, just haven't been able to respond. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster the past few days. I am trying to put it all into place and get over it.
    Sometimes it all piles on at once, bill collectors, attorneys, kids' teachers, clogged pipes in the house.....yuck..... most of all trying to figure out how to pay for Joe's therapy when the insurance says his 60 days of rehab are done with at the end of April. Trying to arrange a companion to stay with him while I'm at work. Too much stuff to deal with. I always thought I would have to be doing this for my parents, not for my husband when we're only forty.

    Allright, enough whining for now. I can actually handle it, just sometimes I don't want to. Would be nice for someone to come and take care of it all for me, and a nice back rub wouldn't hurt. Maybe a bubble bath, the dishes done............

    Thanks for being here, I couldn't make it without all of you. STacey

  2. #22
    Senior Member KDK513's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Cincinnati, Ohio, USA
    You might want to take a minute to call Easter Seals. They have adult services. Do you have a friend who would like to help you out, but doesn't know what to do? Put him or her on this search. Have them contact The Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation and duke it out for services. There are many things they will pay for, but you must be persistent. You mentioned that your husband was embarking on new studies, well you should be able to get financial assitance with this from them. Their goal is supposed to be to get him back to work, which includes education toward a new career (if nec.), driving lessons, vehicle modifications,ramps, bathroom alterations, stair lifts. Those are the ones I am familiar with. It took many months and an advocate who advised us how to "unfreeze" their funds. It was some of my most frustrating moments, but well worth it in the end. Please try to find someone to handle this for you, as working full time will not allow you the fortitude you will need.

    Does your husband see you coping too well? It's possible he needs to know this is all too much and you need his help. Any chance he could "research" these services? or talk to your childrens teachers? My husband did not have any additional fight left in him to do these things, so I will be surprised if yours does, which is why I suggest a friend to help.

    Any chance members of your church would volunteer some time to stay with your spouse? In our experience people truly wanted to help out, but I had to figure out what they could do and then graciously allow them to do it. It is very hard to accept or ask for help when it is usually the other way around. You need help! There is no way you can handle all this. Just remember you would have done the same for a friend; moreover, you are the needy one now. Brainstorm with your family about sharing responsibilities and see if they have any ideas who can do what.

    Stacey, your children have lost a great deal, but part of coping is taking responsibility. I wish we could protect them forever from the heartache, but we can't. I think one of my greatest fears was that we would lose so much of what we had and would be forced to change everything about our lives. I wanted to preserve what we had and keep my family intact. Well, I couldn't stop change from coming,like anything some hase been good and some not.

    The best thing that has happened is we ended up spending much more time together, we all became reacquainted. Three years ago we were all so busy running from event to event that we were not connecting in a caring way, just touching base here and there. Now we talk about what is important in our lives, we try harder to reach out to each other and take care of each other. My husband and I discovered that we enjoy spending time together (boy have we ever been together). Our children have grown emotionally in ways I could never have forseen. Make no mistake we have all the usual teenage agendas (they are now 17 and 19), but I believe they are far more responsible, mature and empathetic than they would have been had we not all experienced this life altering event. Please trust that it will get easier and you will again know true joy in your lives.

    [This message was edited by KDK on 03-04-03 at 14:19.]

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