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Thread: Kate's On Line Journal

  1. #941
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    If his tone was neutral or innocently emphatic he most likely was simply stating something with no derrogatory onus attached. There is nothing of looking down on scis in stating the obvious; that a player with a major physical handicap is relatively easy to defeat. That being the case, taking personal offense and allowing it to hurt you is not indicated.
    Yeah, I know. Actually, taking personal offense and allowing people's ignorance to be hurtful is hardly ever indicated, in my experience--even when they mean harm or are actively malicious.

    I was shocked to hear how this person would talk about Bruce when he didn't know his wife was listening, that's all. That kind of comment from a friend or relative would be harmless and funny. From a stranger, it was just stupid and smug--and he would not have spoken that way if he'd known who I was. It was like overhearing something not meant for me, and I didn't like it.

    ---

    Seahawks won!!! Sorry, Carolina fans . . .
    I watched the first Super Bowl with my dad when I was a kid. Green Bay Packers, Vince Lombardi, Bart Starr, cold northern Michigan afternoon in front of a black and white tv set with crummy reception--happy day!

    And yeah, it is a warm thread . . . add to the baking theme this one: my 15-yr-old just made these amazing peanut butter cookies, each one with a Hershey's chocolate kiss set in the middle. Yum, the house smells good!

  2. #942
    Senior Member jukespin's Avatar
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    Question Social Grace.

    quote=kate]
    I was shocked to hear how this person would talk about Bruce when he didn't know his wife was listening, that's all. That kind of comment from a friend or relative would be harmless and funny. From a stranger, it was just stupid and smug--and he would not have spoken that way if he'd known who I was. It was like overhearing something not meant for me, and I didn't like it.
    [/quote]
    Of course you didn't like it but the guy was doing nothing more or less than what we all do.
    Example: Yesterday (I think?), roshni opened a thread about a woman in her office who is a great person but has a terrible body odor. If you were she and were in conversation with a stranger and they brought up the subject of people they knew that had really bad body odors, you might well bring up the woman in your office. If you were in conversation with her husband you would not likely mention his wife's body odor even if he had brought up the subject of smelly people.
    The guy's offense (barring a mocking/belittling tone) was not knowing that he was talking about the guy with the guys wife; no more and no less.
    Now I'm beginning to feel like I'm beating this matter which is your personal business, to death. On the other hand it may be better to occasionally hear what others say about our loved ones (and ourselves) when they are in 'uncensored' mode.
    It is a warm and fuzzy thread.
    "Sometimes I just sets and thinks...
    and sometimes I just sets.
    "

    Otis Redding I think

  3. #943
    Senior Member roshni's Avatar
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    Kate: That guy was a moron, no more, no less.

    Lilsister: Love Clapton's "Motherless Child".

  4. #944
    Senior Member jukespin's Avatar
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    Arrow

    Quote Originally Posted by roshni
    Kate: That guy was a moron, no more, no less.

    Lilsister: Love Clapton's "Motherless Child".
    roshni: for you to know that (I'm not talking about sisterly supportiveness here) you would have had to have been there and seen and heard all that went on between Kate and the supposed "moron'.

    Or are you saying that if you got into a conversation with a stranger and talked about how unplesant the odor of your officed pal is and the stranger was (unknown to you) your pals husband, that would make you a moron?

    Trying to keep things all warm and fuzzy is one thing; seeing things objectively as they are is another.

    Now you can exclude me from the girls club.
    Last edited by jukespin; 01-23-2006 at 01:44 PM.
    "Sometimes I just sets and thinks...
    and sometimes I just sets.
    "

    Otis Redding I think

  5. #945
    Quote Originally Posted by kate

    And yeah, it is a warm thread . . . add to the baking theme this one: my 15-yr-old just made these amazing peanut butter cookies, each one with a Hershey's chocolate kiss set in the middle. Yum, the house smells good!
    Kate........do you have room for a rhino at your table? I will exact wheelchair retribution on sporting idiots for a couple of cookies
    C5/6 incomplete

    "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

  6. #946
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jukespin
    roshni: for you to know that (I'm not talking about sisterly supportiveness here) you would have had to have been there and seen and heard all that went on between Kate and the supposed "moron'.

    Or are you saying that if you got into a conversation with a stranger and talked about how unplesant the odor of your officed pal is and the stranger was (unknown to you) your pals husband, that would make you a moron?

    Trying to keep things all warm and fuzzy is one thing; seeing things objectively as they are is another.

    Now you can exclude me from the girls club.
    OUT! OUT! BE GONE! (you can't see me so you don't know my tone .... )

    I agree, that dude was insensitive at the very least and a moron at the worst (likelier, lol!). I know exactly what you mean though Kate about hearing something that you KNOW that person would not have said if they knew who you were .... grrrrrr. Somewhat similar is when I sometimes walk farther back from Chad because I am putting the ramp up in the van and he goes ahead of me in to wherever we are going, and I hear comments about him from people who had passed him coming the other way (e.g. towards me) like "wow, that's a really weird site" or "uhhhh, how can he be a father to a little kid being like THAT?", etc .... grrrr. I'm on the sisterly support side firmly.

    Ami
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  7. #947
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jukespin
    roshni: for you to know that (I'm not talking about sisterly supportiveness here) you would have had to have been there and seen and heard all that went on between Kate and the supposed "moron'.

    Or are you saying that if you got into a conversation with a stranger and talked about how unplesant the odor of your officed pal is and the stranger was (unknown to you) your pals husband, that would make you a moron?

    Trying to keep things all warm and fuzzy is one thing; seeing things objectively as they are is another.

    Now you can exclude me from the girls club.
    Oh, and yes, absolutely I would consider myself a total moron if I engaged in the scenario you described above about BO. I would feel like a total jerk if I found out later I was speaking with the stinky woman's husband!!!
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  8. #948
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    Kate, Roshni, Jukespin, etc.--I've been a moron like that, later mortified...did this moron have some beer sloshing around in the area of his feet, by chance? So, how was his game?

    I'm glad you've got a place to vent, Kate--I'd have been furious, too!

    Jake is through his femur surgery today. Whew! What a drain...but it was without incident and he was resting well at ICU, and now we'll see how the next couple of days go and when he can come home. His sister from the Chicago area and her family will be here Thursday, so all of this is overlapping! The trip had been planned for some time, so the sister had to do some thinking about whether or not to come out early for this, but images of Dad with the two little boys on the plane...hmmm. I think she's still thinking about it, and now it's over!

    Time to sleep, but wanted to check in. This really is a nice thread, and feels nice to not be too far off-topic!

    Roshni--I haven't got that album yet, but looks like a possible break in the intensity for a day or two...I might actually get 20 minutes to go to the music store! I'm looking forward to a comfy chair and a chance to listen!

  9. #949
    Wow, I feel like I have been away from home for a long time and just arrived into a nice warm kitchen. Sort of like home for the holidays. Glad to see this thread awakening again.

    You know it is a funny thing when you "hear comments" about family members. The natural inclination is to want to shelter and protect. Only we know the real struggles and progress, so sometimes what may appear as little slights cause us to boil over.

    My 13 year old plays little league, started late in life compared to the other kids and works hard at what he does. He plays fall ball, travel team and has become quite good actually for his age and size. Last fall at 12, he played in a 14-16 league. One game he missed a grounder, it shot up right past his right side and he didn't jump fast enough. Recorded as an error. What I took as an "ignorant parent/fan" made a comment, "Give me a break, any 8 year old could have caught that ball." I was annoyed, pissed and hurt. Stewed on it for hours/days, hell this is months later now.

    Rewind 12 years back. We are in a clinic being told our 9 month old has spastic CP, he most likly will never walk, talk and will have limited hand use. Go forward a month and we are putting a feeding tube in so our son can grow and have brain development,go forward 2 years and we are told on MRI that our son does not have a left anterior lobe in his brain that developed properly, we need to accept that he will always be "different", go forward the next 3 years, at least 2 times a year where he goes into "comas" from a metabolic disorder". We are told that weening off the feeding tube will not be possible. Now, lets move up to age 9, first yr of little league. He is 43 lbs, dripping wet, the size of a 1st grader...maybe. His feeding tube has been removed of 5 months, all is clear for sports. He can't throw, catch or hit a ball. He can however run faster than anyone else on the team (wasn't supposed to walk). Fast forward to last fall, a innocent, typical little league comment made me furious. Should it have, maybe not...did it, damn right. Only my husband and I knew the gains our son made to get to that missed ball. They were long hard, scarey battles that as a parent, spouse or sibling you wish you could shield your loved one from but instead you guide them through.

    Life is funny, it has a way of shaping us rather than us shaping life. Each of us will respond differently to the same thing. Neither is right or wrong.

    Nice thing about this thread/shelter/haven is that we do understand. We might not agree but we do understand..generally. Oh yeah, men are welcome, there are several who do jump in. Some took their lashes early on (ask Chris) others just joined us at the table (Dogger). Come on in an sit a spell, maybe we can all learn a thing or two from each other.
    Every day I wake up is a good one

  10. #950
    Senior Member roshni's Avatar
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    Cheesecake,

    Thanks for sharing that. It is interesting how we can all look at the same thing from different vantages based on our personal experience. When that grounder was missed, it was not within the ken of that parent to see the amazing story behind it. He was just being very reactive...based on what he knew or in this case, didn't know. You are entitled to be furious given all the struggles you've been through together. Being mindful, in the end, of what you pointed out so poignantly: "Life is funny, it has a way of shaping us rather than us shaping life. Each of us will respond differently to the same thing. Neither is right or wrong."

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