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Thread: Kate's On Line Journal

  1. #221
    Tuesday morning...

    And I wake up to SNOW!! Okay, I thought we were DONE with this! (Deep breaths...relaxing, pleasant thoughts...more deep breaths...)Okay, I'm better now. I'm assuming that this will all melt by NOON....

    Let's see, yesterday I took Bri into Elkins to the Davis & Elkins College so she could take her midterm. (They proctored the exam for her; she's taking a class online from Washtenaw Community College in Ann Arbor). She's got a B+/A- in the class and it's killing her...she's a 4.0 student (don't you hate people like this?? )

    I went to one of our local libraries a few weeks ago, got chatting with the director of the library, and it ended with him asking me to bring in my resume...so I think I'll do that today. Something always pops up when you're not looking, doesn't it? I'm enjoying my freedom right now, and they're not looking to hire anyone for 4-6 months. This could work out well.

    Monday is the big day...Divorce court! I've had two panicky phone calls from friends saying they're worried about my soon-to-be ex; he's saying things that are making them think he might be considering suicide. I can't begin to describe the feelings here, so I won't even try...just keep venting here, I guess!

    Kath~It was so hard to drive by Bri's accident site. At first, I would have actual physical reactions: nausea, cold sweat, shaking hands. "Her whole life changed in an instant in that blessed corn field!" was all I could think...that, and "WHY?" It gradually got better, but I never was able to drive by without, at the least, such a heavy heart.

    Martha~Hope things are going better for you this week! Any success on the 10-step program for you? Or anyone?

    Kate~I'm glad the trip was successful; and good for you for becoming such an activist!!!

    Dogger~What can I say?? You crack me up!!

    How's life going for everyone else?

    Vicky

  2. #222
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
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    Vicky, good luck with your St. Patrick's Day celebration going smoothly. And remember, the ex's mental health is not your responsibility. His friends should be calling his family or a health care professional if they are concerned. It sounds like they are trying to make you feel guilty and you should be shedding all of those feelings for good! (I say this as an experienced carrier of the world's guilt ) Move ahead -- not backwards by worrying about him.

    On the 10-step program, I'm resolved to being a doormat. Always have been, always will be. What I need to really do is stop bitching about it.

  3. #223
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Tuesday 1:50 pm

    March 11th--all week I've been thinking about "two years ago" . . . two years ago today I almost fainted in the neuro icu hallway when a well-meaning nurse told me that Bruce's inability to breathe might last for the rest of his life. I remember putting my head between my knees and waiting for the black dots to clear . . .

    It's almost time for the girls to be home from school. I've been doing some work on the various projects I've come to think privately of as "cure-this-mother-right-now!" for most of the afternoon. Plus I'm reading this book about a man who suffered a TBI in Ontario in 1996, when some teenager drove a speedboat into his head. The author is his wife, Cathy Crimmins. It makes for odd reading, because it kind of resembles the book I'm working on myself--except I'm completely disciplined about staying in the moment of things exactly as they happened, not giving the reader any breaks that I didn't get myself. I didn't know how it would all turn out! (I still don't.) She keeps jumping ahead of her story, which I find bothersome. Also--I had a partner who died of a brain tumor in 1977 after a couple of months of extremely erratic and bizarre behavior, so I know the symptoms she's describing. It's weird for me to be thinking of these two scenarios at once--I don't often connect them.

    Martha, honey, doormat you are not! No way, no how. I've read too many of your blessed, feisty posts to ever buy that.

    Got to get the ninth-grader . . .

  4. #224
    Thanks, Martha...you're right. Nobody said this was going to be easy, and if I want my freedom (which I do) I have to go through the fire...Hell, I'm familiar with fire! Aren't we all?

    I agree with Kate, btw...you, a doormat? Can't picture it! A softie who rescues those in need, whether they have two legs or four? Well...maybe!

    Vicky

    P.S. I should know for sure about the Caregivers Gone Bad weekend after my trip to Michigan...I'll let you know.

  5. #225
    Well, folks, here's the reason I've been a little quiet lately - our aide has been ill with something - they've run every test under the sun and can't find anything. She's been out over two weeks, and just had me help her file disability this week. As it took two years to find her, it'll be like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack to get someone to fill her place. Sooooo,

    As of this Friday, I'm resigning my job at Children's. Hate to do it, but I don't have any choice. I can't keep getting Matt up at 5:30, so I can get dressed and be at work on time, and he gets to spend the whole day by himself. He's exhausted; it's 6:30 now, and he's ready for bed! He's also got some biggie appontments coming up - physiatry re-eval, cysto, etc. Plus - the good news in all this - he's been accepted into a cognitive remediation program at Kessler, which is a pretty intensive deal - 3 days a week, 5 hours a day; so I'll have to be there at the facility all day.

    Plus - we've changed the management company for the trust fund, so I've had to deal with more finances than I ever in my life thought i would; plus I'm just sick at how much the trust has lost because of the (*#($*%&#(*$&%^ stock market. That's being remedied, so hopefully the money hemorrhage will stop.

    Plus - we've had plumbers and masons here fixing the basement.

    So, that's been my two weeks in a nutshell!

    On the lighter side, yesterday there were about a dozen deer in the yard scrounging in the remaining snow for something to eat. All I had in the fridge was a package of old corn tortillas, so hubbie and I stood on the deck and 'frisbeed' them out to the deer, who actually caught a few in midair! Now we know deer like tortillas!!

    Martha - doormat - NOT! I've got your answer, tho - you just need to be as feisty with hubbie as you are on the forums!

    Vicky, i've got my fingers crossed!

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  6. #226
    Senior Member KDK513's Avatar
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    Marmalady, sorry you have had to deal with this all at once, sounds overwehlming. Hope everything improves soon.

  7. #227
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Oh, Jackie--

    Let's assume it will all turn out well. Let's assume the new caregiver you find (magically, quickly!) will become like family . . . let's assume the market regains its health and money is just not a problem, ever again . . . let's assume that the thing at Kessler is good for Matt, and that you and your husband land on the Funniest Home Videos tossing corn-tortilla frisbees to the deer. Let's assume you're surrounded by online people who think you're a great woman . . . which is in fact true. You are, and we do!


  8. #228
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
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    Jackie, I'm so sorry for all the crap you're going through! Why does it always come in waves instead of one problem or situation at a time? But good news about the Kessler program! It sounds like Matt should get a lot of benefit from it.

    Ok, you've all nailed me. I'm passive-aggressive. Passive with him and aggressive elsewhere to get rid of the frustrations I guess. But this week has been kind of interesting. I've been spending the afternoons and evenings with my closest friend whose mother is dying. You know the drill -- just being there and cooking and trying to take some pressure off of her. But interestingly, Julian has managed to get the frozen lasagna and other frozen stuff I've left for him out of the freezer that he can never reach and into the oven that he can never get close enough to to use and onto a plate and into his mouth all alone! And, he hasn't even complained about having to do it and having to be alone. Although he knows that if he complained under the circumstances he wouldn't like my response. I have no doubt that once this vigil with my friend is over, we will go back to old habits, but it is interesting to know that he isn't quite as helpless as he lets on. And I do honestly appreciate the fact that he isn't being difficult about being alone or having to tend to himself.

  9. #229
    Thanks for the thoughts, folks, it's nice to know we can blow off steam when we need to!

    We still don't know if we're going to be 'aideless' or not; they're still running tests on her. And with our move coming up probably in the next 4-6 months, I'm not even sure I want to go through all the time and hassle interviewing and training someone new if we had to.

    Today was my last day at Children's; sniff. I'll wait a week or so and then call my old boss at the transcription company to start back up working at home for them. Have to clean the old office first, tho, to make room for the equipment!

    Martha! You see, he CAN do for himself! Don't you dare let him slide back!!

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  10. #230
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    Marmalady, I know what you mean about going through the hassle of interviewing. I am going to need some help for the month of May. I interviewed a few of people and kind of gave up. Maybe I'm being picky, but I really want some one personable. Anyone can do the tasks, but if they are coming into my home and caring for my husband, I want them to be kind and able to carry on a conversation.
    Oh well, I thought I was done with this stuff when my children were too old for daycare. The only good I can see coming from this summer, is that since I won't be here to wait on his every whim, maybe he'll start doing more for himself. Whenever I try to make him do for himself, he'll come up with the "I'm paralyzed" routine. Starting to get a little old. I'm so sick of hearing "I can't", before he even tries it. He needs to be more independent for his own self-esteem. Just trying to get him to see that.
    stacey

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