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Thread: Kate's On Line Journal

  1. #1351
    Flashback is right! What a jolt to see an email with a real message in it, not just spam.

    Cheesecake, my dear, hope you and yours are all well! Hello to everyone else..it's been too long.

    Brianna is moving back home, after 8+ years of living in her own place. She keeps getting these darn UTI's that seem to be resistant to all but one antibiotic. Scares the crap out of me, but as usual it's one foot in front of the other, day by day.

    We want to get her home, get her healthy, and then get her out in the world either as a volunteer or as a paid employee; at this point, I don't care which, I just want her to feel fulfilled and useful instead of rundown and sick!

    This time around, I won't be much of a caregiver though; my girl does wonderfully on her own, thank the Lord. And it will be so nice having her here instead of four hours away!

    Okay gang...I hope some other "ghost" checks in...

    Vicky/Sci Mom
    ____________________________
    "God warns us not to love any earthly thing above Himself, and yet He sets in a mother's heart such a fierce passion for her babes that I do not comprehend how He can test us so."
    ~Geraldine Brooks, "Year of Wonders"


    "Be kind...for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."
    ~Philo of Alexandria

  2. #1352
    I am literally afraid to read this. Skirting the Pool of Despair, Grief variant. It's dangerous, especially right now. Life is change. Life is loss. Who would have thought the early years of SCI would appear to be the good old days?

    As to the elephant in the living room...Obie, if and when you read this-You were perfect. A great wife, soulmate, helpmeet. You and Bill raised wonderful kids, I know this from Julie. You will do as well with your grandkids. Sam and Bill CAN rest in peace, because obie's got this.

    You can. You will. And we will be here for you forever or until you no longer want us, whichever comes first. I've got your back, as do countless others-I daresay literally thousands. Turn on your pm's. I need to send you my contact info.

    For those who are new: One of the moderators of this forum is an able-bodied woman named obieone. Her husband Bill was a para and he just passed away April 4, 2013. They are our virtual family. Obie has supported me and hundreds of sci ppl like me, plus the caregiversshe herself gave freely to. You'll see the pattern. Obie is a giver. Carecure hopes for the opportunity to return the favor. I sure never wanted obie to need me. But I'd be honored to be able to return any of the kindness, strength and love she has shown me during the 12 year roller coaster of my own life post-sci.

    Just felt the need to clarify, for posterity. All things change but the pipe MUST go on. This thread is probably unique in the history of the internet, I suspect. We let it languish sometimes, and that's ok. It may even be good. It means people are taking care of business. I am but a visitor in this thread, but I think it has historical significance and the place of obieone and her husband Bill are paramount to the story.

    Joyce-We love you. I just can't stop saying it. We love you!

  3. #1353
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    There was a time when I thought

    that the only person in the world -- on the whole planet -- who could actually understand me & my life was Obie.

    I hung onto her humor and kindness like you hang onto oxygen, knowing it's really the only thing you need. I'm kind of a bitch myself, right? I was trying to learn.

    We made this thread such a long time ago because another fine woman named Martha recognized that we needed it. We needed a daily, hourly check-in with each other. We had a blog, by God, before there was such a thing.

    And I need to say that since I read Obie's thread over on the Life forum yesterday morning, I can't seem to get hold of myself. I wanted to meet Bill. I wanted to see the two of them together, so much. I didn't make it happen, and now it's never going to. Fuck.

  4. #1354
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Bethy - my pm's are on hit me up !!

    Kate - I feel the same way about you ! My fondest hope was to get to one of the W2W gatherings and meet you but alas it was not to be - but I've learned to never say never and one never knows. We may very well get to sit around your kitchen table eating perogies all night long yet !

    I feel so weirded out - I feel like Bill is still here - I keep looking for a sign he's okay - but so far - nothing ! Maybe he's too busy spreading his own unique form of joy - running all over hell's half acre high fiving with all those gone before him - rockin' it out to the Doobie Bros. - that would be good !

    We held a short memorial service at our community hall - Bill was not a religious man - but we did say a few prayers - I said a few words and read a poem Kat found. We had a table set up with some things that reflected Bill's life - his Jeff Gordon hat - a fishing rod - his councilor pin - things like that. The girls put a slide show together of pics that played on a loop off to the side for people to look at - classic rock playing softly in the background - I think he would have been okay with what we put together. The hall was full - but then Bill never really left his hometown - he had many friends !

    I remember when Martha's Julian passed - I always loved that name - Julian - if I had had another boy he would have been a Julian. We were all so sad and after some time she went on with her life as it should be - as it may be for me at some point - but not yet - not for a long time I suspect - coming to CC is like breathing to me !

    Oh and Kate - it's not just fuck - it's fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck

    Obie
    Last edited by Obieone; 04-23-2013 at 08:50 AM.
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  5. #1355
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    This is the poem I read -

    The Wilderness


    I am unworthy of this wilderness,
    a majesty too great for kings,
    lakes and rivers, wide as dreams,
    moving faster than my words.

    Humbled by this wilderness,
    I have so little left to hold,
    so few are these my last provisions
    I am but a guest out here.

    I am so small beneath these tall trees;
    some fall hard as others rise.
    High winds lift them up around me;
    drum beat step in their own time.

    Bright sun sneaks to hide each day,
    so stars more brilliantly can shine
    with dancing native spirit skies.
    a calming balm for anxious souls.

    Nothing distracts me but these sounds
    in quiet nights, when stillness cries,
    'Forget each second, minute, day
    To treasure what is to be found.'

    Respect the fire-maker's food
    and all the skills that bring us here,
    yet in the dark, I'll hide ‘til sleep
    my sharper senses softly stills.

    I am so small in this big wilderness.
    It is much stronger than I am,
    yet it has shared its two-edged kindness
    as it has wrapped me in its will.

    It calls me back each year to start
    again to find what days forget,
    far away from this great wonder
    lessons by its harshness taught.

    It is not easy in this wilderness -
    I know enough to stand in awe;
    I am not worthy of this wilderness,
    but still it calls me, calls me, calls me.



    L C Vieira
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  6. #1356
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    I uploaded this so you could see the pic - it's Bill at his best - in a boat fishing and my favourite one of him !
    (Although - I caught the biggest pickerel that day - ha !! )
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  7. #1357
    Thanks for posting that Obie. Think of you daily.

  8. #1358
    Senior Member
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    Obie, I think of you every day. Sending you light. I have so many thoughts and feelings since the news but can't express them coherantly. But I do want to pass the pipe over to you and share some love. Deb

  9. #1359
    I remember when Martha's Julian passed - I always loved that name - Julian - if I had had another boy he would have been a Julian. We were all so sad and after some time she went on with her life as it should be - as it may be for me at some point - but not yet - not for a long time I suspect - coming to CC is like breathing to me !
    Obie, Martha is still around but cant log into CareCure because she has no password. She sent her love to you. Like Betheny, my PM to you was also rejected.

    Much love from the house where the pipe started,
    B~
    Every day I wake up is a good one

  10. #1360
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheesecake View Post
    Obie, Martha is still around but cant log into CareCure because she has no password. She sent her love to you. Like Betheny, my PM to you was also rejected.

    Much love from the house where the pipe started,
    B~

    Well that is odd - I have been getting pm's from others ! Wonder what's up with that ? Maybe Jim can figure it out ! I'll get him to check me out !

    Obie
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

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