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Thread: Kate's On Line Journal

  1. #1321
    Well I'm sending out a big SOS. Really having a tough time keeping myself together today. The short dark days and snow are adding to the isolation I am feeling.
    Dave has not been breathing well with his speaking valve on so very quiet except for clicking when he needs something.
    I hate seeing him in pain and am trying to keep a brave face on.
    His short term memory is puzzling us. I miss help making decisons.
    He is as sweet as ever and my heart just broke all over again today.
    I don't want to talk to friends because there just isn't anything to say.
    People don't tell me their troubles because "I have enough on my plate."
    The aides are getting on my nerves in ways that are hard to explain

    I was trying to change the circuit on the vent and the parts would not line up. Cheap plastic shit. I threw it hard on the floor in frustration and scared Dave -jarred him nearly into tears.
    It is really hard to get away for even a short time, and when I do it hurts.
    My daughter is having health problems and lost her insurance shortly before they started. She had a bone marrow test that ruled out some bad things at least.
    Sorry to be a downer. This isn't easy for any of us.

  2. #1322
    Quote Originally Posted by LindaT View Post
    Well I'm sending out a big SOS. Really having a tough time keeping myself together today. The short dark days and snow are adding to the isolation I am feeling.
    Hi Linda,
    I think you need a lot of these today.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4
    Hope tomorrow is better. You will be in my thoughts.
    NL (GJ's wife and caregiver)

  3. #1323
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by noregrets View Post
    This is my first time reaching out in any way in dealing with my husband accident. But if I don't do somthing I feel like running away and never stopping. But I know that this is just a feeling. I just need some one to just listen and get what I am feeling. To tell me that I do have rights to hurt, cry, get mad, and yell. with out being judge that I can't handle this because of it.
    Hi, and firstly welcome to the forum. I think it's about the best one!

    I try to imagine what my wife felt after my injury. It must be tough for you, but in time you will both adjust, and things should look better.
    2010 SCINet Clinical Trial Support Squad Member
    Please join me and donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org and copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

  4. #1324
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindaT View Post
    Well I'm sending out a big SOS. Really having a tough time keeping myself together today. The short dark days and snow are adding to the isolation I am feeling.
    ........
    I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch Linda - I hear you about the short dark days - living where we do compounds an already difficult situation. I was lucky enough to have my sister get me one of those uv lights that mimics sunlight .... its supposed to eleveate the symptoms of "sad" (seasonal effective disorder http://www.day-lights.com/treatment-benefits/index.html ). It works for her so I hope it helps me - maybe its something you should investigate for yourself {{{{hug}}} .

    You will find it becomes more and more important to do everything you can to help make your life more tenable - because as the days go by the reality of this new life really starts to settle in - it's like the enthusiasm so necessary in those initial days of being injured begins to wain and life continues to go on ... with ... or without us. Friends and family, g-d bless 'em, go on living their own lives and it feels like they find their own comfort zones ... leaving us to tread the unpredictable waters we live in. They're in a no win situation really - I find myself alternating between intense feelings of gratitude and resentment for them ... wishing with all my might I didn't have to depend on others for help with the what is the simplest tasks in an able bodied household. It just gets so old - and I find myself more and more over the years leaving things undone because I just can't bear the thought of having to ask .. yet again - while at the same time being angry they don't ever seem to think .. to offer .. (you know - like they should be able to read my mind ) ... so I don't have to ask {{sigh}} .

    It's why this place becomes so important to us - more so as time passes - but for different reasons then when we first came ! You have done such an amazing job of hanging in there Linda but I don't have to tell you how human we are and that we simply must ... must allow ourselves to be the one to be cared for now and then ...... (even if we do ... have to ask ).

    So this is for you sweetie - remember .... you never have to apologize for feeling your feelings here .... it's the rules ...... and you know ... we used to have this stinky little pipe that we'd share ... and pass around .... now and then .... along with the ice cream and the Enya cd ...... gone again .... that damn Deb ..... or maybe ..... maybe its Martha that's had them all this time

    Last edited by Obieone; 11-25-2010 at 08:00 AM.
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  5. #1325
    Thanks for the hug song NL, I need that sweet silly guy with the sign to come over here.
    Obie, You have a knack of putting my feelings and situation into words. That was a good version of that song. I need some sun dammit. And I am not opposed to that pipe either!
    I have a SAD light and need to get it out. Did not need it last year, but a good reminder I might this year.

  6. #1326
    A very Happy Thanksgiving to all my old pipe-smoking friends, and to all the new 'faces' I see on board here!

    Linda, I hear the pain and can so relate to the feelings you have. Huggggss - just hugggs.
    _____________

  7. #1327
    Quote Originally Posted by marmalady View Post
    A very Happy Thanksgiving to all my old pipe-smoking friends, and to all the new 'faces' I see on board here!

    Linda, I hear the pain and can so relate to the feelings you have. Huggggss - just hugggs.
    Hey Marm~
    Huge hug to you as well!
    Every day I wake up is a good one

  8. #1328
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalady View Post
    A very Happy Thanksgiving to all my old pipe-smoking friends, and to all the new 'faces' I see on board here!
    Love you, Jackie.

  9. #1329
    Happy Thanksgiving wishes to everyone. Good to 'see' you marm! and martha...wow!


    ....and a Happy turkey Birthday to Deb (lilsis)! Hope you and Jim had a great feast and celebration!

  10. #1330
    Quote Originally Posted by chick View Post
    Happy Thanksgiving wishes to everyone. Good to 'see' you marm! and martha...wow!


    ....and a Happy turkey Birthday to Deb (lilsis)! Hope you and Jim had a great feast and celebration!
    Where is L'sis?

    FYI, everytime my boys get sick,and we are sitting up against the wall using the nebulizer, I come back to this online journal and how you all saved me that winter very long ago.

    If my now teens knew "passing the pipe" started with their mom, they would be shocked!
    Every day I wake up is a good one

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