Thread: Kate's On Line Journal

  1. #1191
    How good to hear from everyone! I'm still here, but very, [I]very[I] infrequently. We had a great Christmas, very low key and peaceful, although it wasn't white! [Deb, I laughed at "rake the roof"...reminds me of Michigan!
    Here in W.Va., up in the mountains, we get just as much snow, but the wind takes care of the roof raking!]

    I'm going to attempt to attach a picture of Brianna and Diane (my stepdaughter)....Bri is still at Marshall, working hard. She is majoring in Counseling and minoring in Criminal Justice. Diane is at WVU, majoring in Sociology, minoring in Spanish. They both got all A's this past semester, except for one C each! (Hey, moms gotta brag!!! )

    Brianna has had a pretty good year. Easy on the physical problems, but this year seems to have been The Year of the Wheelchair Breakdown! I'm hoping 2008 will be better.

    Kate, I loved the picture of Bruce and the girls. They are so grown-up, and pretty too! I'll have to look into DC this year; I'm only a four-hour drive (give or take) and it would be great to get the oldtimers together!

    Here's hoping that 2008 brings us all peace, happiness, and good health!!

    Vicky
    ____________________________
    "God warns us not to love any earthly thing above Himself, and yet He sets in a mother's heart such a fierce passion for her babes that I do not comprehend how He can test us so."
    ~Geraldine Brooks, "Year of Wonders"


    "Be kind...for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."
    ~Philo of Alexandria

  2. #1192
    I love this thread. It has taken me awhile to get through. I feel like I know all of you, as I've watched you "grow up" over the past few years. Of course I only started reading this thread a couple of weeks ago but its amazing to see that you all have made it!!! I'm still in my first year of SCI so I still wonder from time to time if I will die of mental exhaustion.

    Wanted to say hi and Happy New Year!
    Kelly

  3. #1193
    I'm sitting here in shock I guess you could call it. Or the gates of emotion have opened up, not really sure. I know people rarely post on this thread any more but I had to talk about this and felt this was a good place. On Friday, we will be officially 6 months post.

    This morning a coworker had given me a picture taken of all the girls at work. I hardly even noticed the picture itself. The date stamped on it was July 25, 2007 1:00pm. Just one hour prior to me getting the dreadful phone call that Rob had fallen 30 feet. I keep looking at that time stamp and all I can think about is how happy I was and didn't even really know it. I was happy damnit!!!!! I had a great life. My biggest worry that day was that my drapes for the family room were on backorder and may not be ready for an upcoming party at our house. Now my life has become bowel obsessed and worried about infection and how maybe one day my husband can make it upstairs to sleep in our bed again. I hate this stupid injury and I'm pissed at that time stamp. Why did that picture have to be taken that day? Why did I have to see it today? I was doing okay, getting by, now I'm just sitting at my desk wondering how we'll do this for the rest of our lives.

  4. #1194
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kap
    I'm sitting here in shock I guess you could call it. Or the gates of emotion have opened up, not really sure. I know people rarely post on this thread any more but I had to talk about this and felt this was a good place. On Friday, we will be officially 6 months post.

    This morning a coworker had given me a picture taken of all the girls at work. I hardly even noticed the picture itself. The date stamped on it was July 25, 2007 1:00pm. Just one hour prior to me getting the dreadful phone call that Rob had fallen 30 feet. I keep looking at that time stamp and all I can think about is how happy I was and didn't even really know it. I was happy damnit!!!!! I had a great life. My biggest worry that day was that my drapes for the family room were on backorder and may not be ready for an upcoming party at our house. Now my life has become bowel obsessed and worried about infection and how maybe one day my husband can make it upstairs to sleep in our bed again. I hate this stupid injury and I'm pissed at that time stamp. Why did that picture have to be taken that day? Why did I have to see it today? I was doing okay, getting by, now I'm just sitting at my desk wondering how we'll do this for the rest of our lives.
    Kelly, wow. I know exactly what you mean.

    We used to keep a family calendar on the wall in our kitchen. All of us would write in dates and events that only we could understand. (I marked the first time our 2-year-old Heather got through a whole day without throwing a tantrum; both girls marked the birthdays of all our pets--stuff like that.)

    After Bruce got hurt I literally could not look at that calendar, with all our handwriting innocently marking the days toward a future we were about to step into. He's a couple of months from being 7 years post now, and I just want you to know that if I--bitchy, complaining, anxious, bitter me!--could live through this and keep hold of my sanity, it's a good bet you can, too.

    It's never going to be fair, what happened to us and our plans. But we did manage to take our lives back, one little thing at a time.

  5. #1195

    One day at a time

    Quote Originally Posted by kap
    I'm sitting here in shock I guess you could call it. Or the gates of emotion have opened up, not really sure. I know people rarely post on this thread any more but I had to talk about this and felt this was a good place. On Friday, we will be officially 6 months post.

    This morning a coworker had given me a picture taken of all the girls at work. I hardly even noticed the picture itself. The date stamped on it was July 25, 2007 1:00pm. Just one hour prior to me getting the dreadful phone call that Rob had fallen 30 feet. I keep looking at that time stamp and all I can think about is how happy I was and didn't even really know it. I was happy damnit!!!!! I had a great life. My biggest worry that day was that my drapes for the family room were on backorder and may not be ready for an upcoming party at our house. Now my life has become bowel obsessed and worried about infection and how maybe one day my husband can make it upstairs to sleep in our bed again. I hate this stupid injury and I'm pissed at that time stamp. Why did that picture have to be taken that day? Why did I have to see it today? I was doing okay, getting by, now I'm just sitting at my desk wondering how we'll do this for the rest of our lives.
    ONE DAY AT A TIME~Dear~One DAY AT A TIME. That, of course, and the inner strength you have that you are not aware of yet!! Love and Compassion are the strongest forces in the Universe (my opinion), they have seen all of us through some very rough times. I'm sorry you are going through this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but believe me; the caregiving gets easier with time and you will begin to instictively know whats going on with him at all times. The main thing I erge you and anybody else to do is Google "AUTONOMIC DYSREFLEXIA (HYPERREFLEXIA)" (it's definition, symptoms, treatment, and preventative care), print this out and keep a copy with him at all times. Post a copy somewhere easily seen by anyone caring for him so they will be able to learn about it also. Most doctors and nurses haven't a clue what it is so you might need to educate them on it as needed. Having this knowledge may help to ease your mind a little so you don't panic when something is going on. Just know that there are others out here who know and understand what you are going thru and we are here to lend an ear and a shoulder for comfort and guidence. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you travel down this road.

    David~aka~cowboy
    This time you gave me a mountain, I will see you on the other side.
    Caregiver to son SCI-C5-Incomplete

    David

  6. #1196
    thanks for the words of encouragement. I have been so good at suppressing so many emotions that it all came pouring out and the longing to go back to the way it was couldn't be ignored any more.

    In the middle of my meltdown my DH calls to say that we have a price on putting an elevator in our house and it would go in the Dining room and "we don't really need that window, right?" Ahhhhh, I had such plans for that dining room when we got the extra money. Extra money that's a term of the past too. Well, at least this afternoon I can smile about those silly little plans that really are not important. So an elevator it is, let the next home improvement begin.

  7. #1197
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kap
    In the middle of my meltdown my DH calls to say that we have a price on putting an elevator in our house and it would go in the Dining room and "we don't really need that window, right?" Ahhhhh, I had such plans for that dining room when we got the extra money. Extra money that's a term of the past too. Well, at least this afternoon I can smile about those silly little plans that really are not important. So an elevator it is, let the next home improvement begin.
    That's the spirit . . . plus, hey--it will get him back into your bed, right? That's worth a window, for sure.

  8. #1198
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kap
    I'm sitting here in shock I guess you could call it. Or the gates of emotion have opened up, not really sure. I know people rarely post on this thread any more but I had to talk about this and felt this was a good place. On Friday, we will be officially 6 months post .............. etc.
    I'm sorry you had to experience that moment Kap ...... you'll often hear on CC sci is the gift that keeps on giving .... this is one of those times ! I've had them myself ..... I get them watching old videos or as happened to you looking at old photos .... the last video I have of Bill on his feet he's getting a bedtime snack together for our youngest daughter, bustling about the kitchen, up down, up down, reading a bedtime story .. its so precious ..and I've often wondered what compelled me to tape the two of them that day ...... it was just 2 or 3 days before he was struck by the rogue oak branch that broke his back ...... another is of him skating around our local rink ... holding her in his big strong arms .... effortlessly and with such strength a few days before that .. he was such a big burly man..... it simply breaks my heart everytime !

    To me it feels like a bandaid being pulled off an owwwey ...... you think its healed so you rip the dressing off but all it does is bleed again .... so ... back goes on the bandaid .... heal and bleed heal and bleed ...... its a continual process of grieving, adjusting ..... unlike grieving a death where you grieve, adapt and hopefully go on where there is a certain kind of finality that we don't experience in the same way ..... it feels neverending .... heal and bleed !

    Sorry .... don't mean to sound like a drama queen guess I opened a gate of my own but I just wanted to let you know we "get it" ..... and you picked the perfect place to come to let it out ..... I often feel cleansed after I unload like this ..... kinda like going to confession ...... I hope this moment passes quickly for you and you find peace again soon .... we're going through the renos adventure ourselves after having to downsize for ... what else .... financial reasons ..... but .... when the going gets tough I repeat Sue Pendelton's sig line to myself ... "courage doesn't always roar .. sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow" .... and then I repeat my own ...... there's nothing else to do .....

    Hang in ... stay strong .... and please ... vent as necessary .... Spring isn't far off !!

    Obieone
    Last edited by Obieone; 01-25-2008 at 12:13 AM.
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  9. #1199
    Wow, I am not alone!
    My beautiful daughter was in an accident July 1st 2007, C5-6 complete. Today is her 20th birthday!
    Anyway, just knowing that their are people out there going through what I am going through and feeling what I am feeling....wow just makes me feel almost normal...whatever that is.
    My boss told me yesterday that maybe I should put my daugher in a living faciliy so I didn't have the stress!!!! WOULD SHE PUT HER HUSBAND IN ONE IF HE WAS INJURED????? How do you deal with people like this??? Wish I could just quit and stay home and care for my daughter full time but my mortgage needs to be paid. Life is cruel....than I go home and my daughter smiles and says Hi Mom!!! and life just doesn't get much better!

  10. #1200
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by trish81766
    Wow, I am not alone!

    My boss told me yesterday that maybe I should put my daugher in a living faciliy so I didn't have the stress!!!!
    Hi Trish ~

    You're definitely not alone. We don't claim to be the smartest people in the world be we're definitely real, and I don't think anybody here would be crass enough to suggest that your daughter (your daughter!!) is more trouble than she's worth.

    Sometime when you're having a slow day, go over to the life forum and search for the thread about Dumb Thinks AB People Have Said. You'll see that lots of people here have been amazed (and amused ) at the depth and intensity of AB ignorance out there.

    In the meantime, welcome. Sorry you're one of us, but glad you're here.

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