Thread: Kate's On Line Journal

  1. #1091
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Remember the Dogger Training Ranch? :)

    So, it was the end of what had been a snowy winter, and lots of us were going bananas . . . Kathy and Martha started talking about the need to wean their over-dependent spouses. Things were out of hand! Cathing in the family room! Using the wives as waitresses on a 24/7 rotation! Sooooo not cool.

    Then dogger steps in:

    Ladies , i have a . . . suggestion , send hubby out to stay with me for a while , it would be a pretty crooked real estate agent [ no shot intended at you] , that would describe my house as fully accessable , if you have an ''accident '' it is either clean it up yourself or live with it and if you want to eat , it's ''catch and kill your own '' . i am envious of the lucky spoilt husbands of you ladies .
    lol, the thought of sending recalcitrant men out to the aussie wilds still makes me laugh--

    Martha was not about to let this opportunity slide:
    Hey Dogger, how about we leave them all home and all of us come stay with you instead?
    Ha! But then she has another notion:

    While don't you open a DA training ranch where we can send them and you can educate them in the ways of the DA world. I think that would be a marvelous idea and I might even promise to send him with a roundtrip ticket. Maybe.
    (Note to DA fans--she's using shorthand for disabled, not talking about our fave knucklehead down in Beaumont)

    And he replies:

    Martha , your thoughts on a DA training centre are too late . i offered but because there did not seem to be much interest i have since changed my mind . i have now decided i will open an intense training centre for young , nubile , attractive , inexperienced , nymphomaniac devos ! and charge them like wounded bulls [ both financially and physically ] for the experience . move over Hugh Heffner !
    and signs off in his own gentlemanly way . . .

    thank you
    dogger

    every day i wake up is a good one .
    Oh, Lord, just go read it all . . . starts on about page 20, post #199

  2. #1092
    Kate-

    I'm in. I had to hunt for my favorite exchange in The Sanctuary. You may remember it. It had to do with Frodo and Sam. I got a little misty when I went back to find it. What a Lord of the Rings dork.

    Cheesecake-

    pecan pie, bourbon sweet taters = post # 480

    The turkey turned out great this year. My sister-in-law cooked it. In Kansas.

  3. #1093
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    And I suppose she lives at the end of the yellow brick road?

  4. #1094
    If that's what the birthday girl wants, I think maybe she does!

    Hey Sis, I got the pics of you and Jim from DC 2005 developed and have a copy for you. PM me with a mailing address will you?

    Doesn't anyone sleep?
    Every day I wake up is a good one

  5. #1095
    Senior Member dogger's Avatar
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    Kate , I went back and read through those old posts on ''The Training Centre'' . It was a trip down memory lane . I could not help but laugh at the image of Jackie's suggestion to Martha about slinging Julian in a hoyer lift so he could paint higher up the walls . I also found a post of Vicky's about having to dig up a septic tank that reminded me of something that happened to me not long after .

    When ''Dogger's female pleasure and recreation centre'' failed to get any applicants [of young , nubile , attractive , inexperienced , nymphomaniac devos or carers needing a break from dependant husbands] , I decided to list my property for sale . I had Artin , Bartin and Fargo [the 3 (mon)stars] out here for school holidays when the agent rang to say that he had a prospective buyer who wanted to do an inspection . They were to arrive at 9 am the next day to have a look at the land and house . So I marshalled the troops to bring the house back into some type of chaotic disorder .

    Things went pretty well and at 5 am next morning when I got up I thought things looked pretty good considering the house was inhabited by a bachelor and three 8 year old kids . I delegated breakfast duties and we got through the joys of washing up etc without more than a couple of minor skirmishes and no broken crockery or war wounds . It was about 7am , about all I had left to do was give the stars a few social pointers , like telling Lulu that while our visitors might like to meet Freddo and Kermit [her pet green frogs] , it was probably best not to expect them to actually touch them or to tell them that she'd caught them in the toilet bowl . When speaking of toilet bowl .......

    One of the boys came out of that little room with a puzzled look on his face saying , ''Dad , I think there's something wrong with the toilet , the bowl is close to overflowing .'' . Now given that the trip out my place was about 90 minutes over some rough roads I don't think it was a giant leap to work out that , a) there would be a few bladders feeling the effects of the tea drank with breakfast and b) it would not create a favourable first impression , particularly on the women in the party , if when they asked if they could use the toilet [unlike US homes a lot of Ozzie homes only come equipped with one throne] , I vaguely pointed to the great outdoors and said '' there are 20,000 acres out there and millions of trees ; take your bloody pick! '' .... So with the clock ticking on our 2 hours left in hand , a digging and pipe flushing expedition was speedily mounted .

    I quickly diagnosed the fault as being somewhere in the pipe between the septic tank and the sullage pit where [in theory] the discharge was meant to disperse into the soil well away from the house . I started digging while the boys hooked up a hose for me to back wash this drainage pipe . Lulu was in heaven ; you should have seen the numbers of green frogs living there ! She was so busy catching them that she had to resort to giving them numbers for names because she quickly exhausted Frog names that she could remember from story books .

    Now cleaning out septic lines is a job that an AB would have trouble doing without getting a bit dirty . Picture if you can a quad who has to be either lying or sitting in the sullage pit to get the job done , with spasms kicking various body parts into places and stuff that is what Lulu describe as ''a bit yucky'' . Lulu was also busily policing my positioning on the ground in case I might inadvertently end up on top of those of the frog population that she had to still catch and name . Anyway after a bit of a blurt and cough from the pipe I was rewarded with a strong [in strength and smell] flow of sewerage that signalled the problem was solved . I only used some mildly colourful language about the fact that only a small portion of this sewerage had managed to miss hosing me down . For some reason the kids didn't want to stand as close to me anymore , Lulu even lost interest in the frogs in my vicinity .

    As I headed for the shower [with the kids still strangely maintaining their distance] I made them promise [by a threat of no soft drink when it was beer o'clock for Dad] that they would not mention anything about our morning's little challenge . I'm sure potential buyers don't like the idea of possible ongoing septic tank problems .

    I was out of the shower and dressed just as the agent and prospective buyers pulled up . There was one moment that shook me a little , someone asked Lulu ''what have you been doing '' . ''Catching frogs'' she innocently replied '' Dad showed us where there are lots of them this morning '' .

    Thank you ,
    Dogger
    Last edited by dogger; 11-30-2006 at 05:10 AM.
    Every day I wake up is a good one .

  6. #1096
    Dogger, classic..

  7. #1097
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris Chappell
    Dogger, classic..
    Agreed. Dogger needs his own online journal--no, his own radio show--no, his own television program. A weekly broadcast, about 30 minutes of this stuff would be a worldwide sensation.

    And surely somewhere in such a large audience there would be dozens of nubile young pleasure-seekers who could use some training at the Centre?

  8. #1098
    Senior Member dogger's Avatar
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    Thank you Chris and Kate . Unfortunately I have a head that is unsuited to TV and a voice that rules out radio . So I'm left to mangle the English language with my scribblings . If you are interested I might jot down a few memories of some mundane days in the life of an outback Queensland quad . One that comes to mind is the New Year's eve that I had a scaly visitor turn up in my house . The 3 little [mon]stars weren't here for that , but I did get help from a couple of ordinary blokes that no one would have heard of ; Shane [a neighbour] and Steve Irwin [a crazy bugger from down the road who liked snakes] .

    Quote Originally Posted by kate
    Agreed. Dogger needs his own online journal--no, his own radio show--no, his own television program. A weekly broadcast, about 30 minutes of this stuff would be a worldwide sensation.

    And surely somewhere in such a large audience there would be dozens of nubile young pleasure-seekers who could use some training at the Centre?
    PS. Kate as you'd well know , at our age , ''young'' covers a wide age group .
    Every day I wake up is a good one .

  9. #1099
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dogger
    If you are interested I might jot down a few memories of some mundane days in the life of an outback Queensland quad . One that comes to mind is the New Year's eve that I had a scaly visitor turn up in my house . The 3 little [mon]stars weren't here for that , but I did get help from a couple of ordinary blokes that no one would have heard of ; Shane [a neighbour] and Steve Irwin [a crazy bugger from down the road who liked snakes] .

    PS. Kate as you'd well know , at our age , ''young'' covers a wide age group .
    Ah, yes. It's all relative, eh? I'm sort of getting used to having all this extra skin--probably I'd be frightened by someone tightly strung together anymore.

    And I know I'm not the only one around here who would be glad to hear about the life of an outback Queensland quad with a wicked sense of humor, a set of visiting triplets, a passel of sheep, and a gift for storytelling. Please!!!

  10. #1100
    If Dogger had a radio show in the US, women would be crawling on him like snakes on New Year's Eve!

    I remember that night, Dogger. We were chatting as you armed yourself!

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