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Thread: Kate's On Line Journal

  1. #1051
    I always loved the roof story too! Heh, heh...

    Cheese, you're right: tapestry is a much better way to describe this. Happy, sad, all standing together...hell, I found my husband here!

    Kate, I think this is Book Number Two...
    "God warns us not to love any earthly thing above Himself, and yet He sets in a mother's heart such a fierce passion for her babes that I do not comprehend how He can test us so."
    ~Geraldine Brooks, "Year of Wonders"

    "Be kind...for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."
    ~Philo of Alexandria

  2. #1052
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    bellevue, wa, usa

    It's a good idea

    We could make a real-life version of one of those novels with 7 characters whose lives seem completely unrelated, and then gradually as the story unfolds, circumstances bring them all into the same space . . . hmmmmm.

    It would work.

    But I thought my next book was going to be about Wise Young, surely one of the most interesting, astonishing, and delightful people on the planet. lol, shhhh, that's still kind of a secret. I haven't even approached him with the idea.

  3. #1053
    Senior Member KDK513's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Cincinnati, Ohio, USA

    A Voice From The Past (Kath)

    Cheesecake invited me back, it has been so long, I had to google my way into here. I have missed you all so much. I scrolled my way back and admit to copious tears as you all reminisced. I am still weepy.

    I will start with an update about our children, hope that is OK. Alison graduated from IU in December with a degree in Finance. She was heavily recruited and accepted a position at LaSalle Bank in Chicago in the Commercial Division. She has been fast tracked and moves into the most coveted trainee position on Monday (sorry to brag, needed that moment). Her success is important to me. Fact is her successes surpass her mothers, but that is how it should be.

    Our son Chris is now legal ( we had our first legal drink together when he returned from military drill in July). He is now back at Indiana University for his Junior year, he is also a Finance major. He is in ROTC and the Indiana National Guard and will serve in the Army once he graduates. For those of you I alienated over politics, I want you to know I never watch the news and am no longer political. I just want my son to come home safe someday.

    Dave continues to improve, amazingly so. His injury was originally at the T4 level and since surgery last November is now at the sacral level...I am not sure where, as it is progressing quickly. He is hoping for return of bowel and bladder function, no small hope after 7 years. He still utilizes a wheelchair for mobility. As always there are other medical issues to contend with, one leads to another. Some good, some not so good.

    Now for the tough part, deep breath, in June we decided to separate. We spent most of today at his new condo trying to select the perfect paint colors. In August we traveled to Chicago together, spent the weekend with our children to celebrate his birthday. Sigh, we are trying so hard to remain a family and to be peaceful because that is what we both most want. As hard as SCI has been for all of us...this has been by far the most difficult and emotional part for me. I know I have let everyone down, but we were a team and I believe I made a difference. I just can't go the distance, the reasons are personal and not entirely to do with SCI. I am so sorry to come home to you with this, but there it is, it has been a very long struggle. I admit to you all that I am more emotional over this than anything else in my life. How I wish it wasn't so. Oh well, life goes marching on. I hear about heartache every day and ours is not so very special after all. Dave seems so much better about it all, he has shown no emotion, I am the one losing it all over the place here, grrrr...........

    So enough about me, I'm so sorry ya'all. Marm, SCIMOM, Martha, Cheesecake, Dogger, Kate, Chris, sorry can't remember everyone, I am going to be 50 after all and that is my excuse for everything these days. You were all such an important part of my life for so many years, I hope you are all enjoying life!
    Love, Kath

  4. #1054
    Senior Member roshni's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Old Bridge, New Jersey, USA

    Knot in my stomach, lump in my throat

    Chris Chappell and Obieone, I thank you for your kind words. Getting to know you both a bit, by following your posts, I sincerely respect the warmth and wisdom you two extend to others in this community.

    Cheesecake, I absolutely appreciate this thread or better yet "tapestry" as you put it; it is indeed beautiful just how many stories cross paths throughout.

    Kate, I admire your discipline and dedication - in the midst of the hustle and bustle of everyday life - to getting something written and to seeing it to fruition. I am very much loking forward to your book!

    To the rest, I am really enjoying getting to know you all.

    With that said, let me share a glimpse into my day...

    Throughout the week, I work in a laboratory at Rutgers University; during the weekends, I work in my family's Subway sandwich shop. So, like any other Saturday, today I rang up customers. After the dinner crowd settled, there was a bit of a lull around 8 pm, which is when we start to clean up. At that time, an older man came in and asked for a foot-long turkey and cheese sub with the works, a soda, and chips.

    Since there wasn't anyone else in the shop, I started chatting with the man. It was mostly small talk but still, we seemed to have made a nice connection. I was wearing my Rutgers t-shirt and he asked if I was a student. I said that I had been a student and now worked at the University. He mentioned that he had a grandson in high school who was a senior thinking about college. He mentioned his wife who now needs a hearing aid; I talked about my cousin who is deaf. He mentioned his backaches; I talked about my father's failing knees. After I rang him up, we finally ended our chat by exchanging predictions for tomorrow's weather. And then he said it.

    "You know, I like you...even though you're Indian."

    I had no words, just a knot in my stomach and lump in my throat. Like a knee-jerk reflex, I went back to grade school and all the "Hindu, go home!" taunts. I reflected on high school and how Keith explained that we could date but he'd never hold my hand in public in school and I understood exactly what he was saying. I thought about the dining halls in college and being surprised at how the students preferred a racially segregated seating arrangement. I remembered being the only Indian student in my group in grad school...let alone in upstate New York! And then there was four very painful years of the old boys' club in Boston, where I was always aware of the color of my skin. Which brought me back to the customer.

    I offered a meek "Have a good night." And then he left the shop. As I helped clean up the store, I replayed his comment in my mind. What was I thinking? That we had become fast friends over some chatting and a turkey sub? But the more I considered it, the more I recognized a kernel of sincerity in what he said. Maybe he was truly trying to express that a connection had been made but it just came out awkwardly. Maybe he had a negative experience with an Indian person. Maybe he had not grown up with very many Indian people. Who knows.

    By the time the store was completely cleaned and ready to be closed, I was exhausted. I was just left with the thought that we can elect to make meaningful connections with those our lives cross paths with. We can choose to look beyond the surface/exterior/physical and become feelingful about the personhood contained within. In doing so, we are reminded that we are not alone.

    Here's wishing you all such connections. Good night, folks.

  5. #1055
    Welcome back, we are here for you.

    Roshni~ I can feel the knot and lump with you. Funny, I can picture the man in my mind, and I can only imagine that you broke some barrier with him, and in his own way very awkward way, he was telling you. Doesn't change the situation, but maybe the lump swallows a bit easier? Group hug to you too!
    Last edited by cheesecake; 09-24-2006 at 09:23 AM.
    Every day I wake up is a good one

  6. #1056
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Texas hallelujah!
    Kath, welcome back. It's great to hear the kids are doing so well and amazing about Dave's recovery. I hope it continues, obviously. For you, I wish you strength to get through the tough times and a life of happiness in front of you.

    Roshni, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by some people's ignorance, but I constantly am. Like Cheesecake, I think (hope) the old man was awkwardly trying to tell you that you had broken down a barrier in his ignorance. He's definitely not worth wasting any of your time to be upset about. I don't understand why people don't realize the world is a much more interesting place if we seek out people with backgrounds different than our own. Maybe that's one reason I've enjoyed my job -- the chance to meet and make friends with people virtually all over the world and from every background you can imagine. I can't even fathom how boring this life would be if everyone was the same! I'm not very articulate this morning (or any other) so I hope this came out the way I intended!

    P.S. why do I get a message that I don't have authority to access Spell Check? Is it dead or is it just me <feeling paranoid> ?

  7. #1057
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Quote Originally Posted by roshni
    "You know, I like you...even though you're Indian."
    Roshni .. I'm embarassed to admit this but that comment is exactly something my mother-in-law would say it makes me crazy ! I'm so sorry it made you feel bad ..... I excuse it by chalking it up to a generational flaw, ignorance simply doesn't know any better. I am ashamed to say I would more often sit in silence ,witness to a comment like that at one point in life, but not any more. I often correct people (like the little old man and my mother-in-law) but that usually opens a whole other can of worms so I usually pick my battles. I truly will never understand whats wrong with us - we just don't get it - and its such a simple idea we're all in this thing together - get over it !!! There is no doubt in my mind that man genuinely believed he was being "nice" ...... words cut like a knife sometimes .... in Ukrainian we would call him a "bunYAK" (no idea how to spell that) it means putz only bigger !

    Kath ..... I wish you peace and light ... this place has a way of getting under your skin .. it does it does !!

    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi

    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  8. #1058
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    North Carolina, USA
    Wow Roshni .... I am astonished that anyone would say that!! I am so sorry (((( hug )))) words can sting more than anything else. They say actions speak louder than words, but those words spoke very loudly. (( hug ))
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  9. #1059
    KDK - Nice to hear from you and your family's accomplishments - congratulations.
    Sorry to hear about your separation. The words you've used sound very similar to those spoken by me and my now ex-wife. The emotional energy, personal sense of loss, etc. SCI is so very hard on a marriage, let alone any relationship, no matter the strength of the people involved. Its exhausting physically and emotionally. Because, ultimately, what once was will now never be the same again. The adjustments, frustrations, disappointment and sadness are massive and brutal and raw and visceral. The flip-side is that, as you said, life goes on. And with it new people, experiences, adventures, etc. For me, a year post divorce, I'm in a much happier and loving place. Best to you and Dave and your family as you sort through it. It is never easy but sometimes a necessity.

    Roshni - thank you for your post. And although I appreciate your comment and sentiment concerning me I have to wonder if maybe you've missed my little skirmish recently in the rec / sports forum. Although I do try and be conscienscience, respectful and attentive to most members and threads every once in a while I get rubbed the wrong way and... oh, well shrug.

    As far as your encounter at your counter I believe that as obviously socially awkward as this guy and his comment was I believe he meant it as a compliment and a way to show you his appreciation. Ignorance is no excuse but it seems to run rampant in today's world. I compliment you for the way you handled it and it is an obvious reflection of your integrity and character. You should be proud of yourself.

    Enjoy the rest of your week everyone. Onward and upward.

  10. #1060
    Kate, many congratulations on your book. No doubt many people think about writing a book, but how many actually find the time - especially when you seem to have no time - to do it? Kudos!

    Cheesecake, thanks for the welcome. A latte any time is always welcome.

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