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Thread: Joking or Not

  1. #1
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    Joking or Not

    Home health has been coming out for a couple of weeks now to help with my husbands pressure sore. He says he is joking, but makes remarks to them that really concern me. Like, "She doesn't feed me, she puts a pillow over my face, she is only nice when someone is here, etc etc." Now none of this is true, and they chuckle when he says those things but I am so very sensitive and take my responsibility so seriously. Even if he is joking, it really concerns me. Do you think I am making to much of these remarks?

  2. #2
    Off the top of my head, my amateur psychobabble would say that maybe he's just resentful of the aides being there at all, and that's his way of dealing with his feelings. On the other hand, I would sit down with him to make absolutely sure no abuse is going on - horrid to think about, but it does happen.

    Hope that helped!

    _____________
    If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa

  3. #3
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    I must have not made this clear. He is telling the home health gals that "I" am the one that mistreats him. And I would never even think of doing that. But I wonder if they know he is kidding

  4. #4
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    I don't think you're being over-sensitive at all, Shabu. It's a creepy thing to joke about . . . does he talk that way when you're alone, or is it just for the home health people? Is it his usual mode to be joking around about other stuff? Have you told him that you're concerned? What did he say?

    My guess is that he's just embarrassed to be needing special care, and trying to keep things light--but he shouldn't be doing it at your expense without your blessing. Just my opinion!

  5. #5
    I suspect he is stimulated by the company, but this is "uncool." I would suggest he compliment them "Oh, what beautiful eyes..." If just wanting to cut up a bit ... holding his breath is a good one while taking the heart rate (at least until you get caught at it). Sometimes we really get a need to act out or perform.

    But it is insensitive and "uncool" in it's present form.

  6. #6
    Sorry, Shabu - my fault. Senior moment there, lol.

    Hubbie and I were talking about a similar situation the other day, only with some AB couples we know in general. Sometimes it just seems like whenever we get together, couples think it's 'okay' to take jabs at each other, in front of other people. You know, the eyerolling, 'do you know what he/she does?' -

    Makes me uncomfortable; even tho it's said in jest, I feel like there's always something there; and I'm not one to air out my own problems in front of casual friends, so it's hard for me to understand why people do it. Maybe it's a 'safe' place?

    Can you just sit down with him and tell him straight on how it makes you feel?

    _____________
    If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa

  7. #7
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    I am inclined to think it is because someone else is here. I know he isn't serious, but not sure what they think. I told him that they will take him away from me if they think he is sincere. HAAAAAAAAA. Like that would happen. Yes, I told him upfront and he thinks I am being silly. Since he has so much fun doing it, I think I will just be quiet unless there are some repercussions from it. I have never been one for joking like that. Maybe I am just too serious. You don't have to look to close to see he is clean, well groomed, and a healthy, but paralyzed specimen. Thanks for your responses. That just bugged me all day.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Belle's Avatar
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    Shabu,

    I know what you mean; you should hear the things my husband says. Whenever he has to go through the list of medical conditions and they get to the part about recreational drugs he says things like "none except for the occasional crack pipe" and stuff like that. We go to the doctor and everybody there remembers him...oh, its YOU again! lol.

    He says sometimes you just have to have a sense of humor about it, the only other thing is to cry. If I sometimes don't appreciate the humor, well, I grit my teeth and try to let it pass. At least he's smiling and not frowning.

    *************
    AB wife of T8 complete para

  9. #9
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
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    Shabu, I understand because my husband was a huge joker and sometimes they were at my expense. Since we were together over 31 years, I obviously learned that it was just a part of his personality -- always being the class clown so to speak and for me the best way to handle it was to jump in and agree -- give back more than I got. For the most part, it kept both of us laughing through some very difficult situations where it was more fun to laugh even at a bad joke than to be depressed or cry over a situation. And I miss his mischievous smile and those jokes something fierce. It's not an approach that works for everyone, but if he told the nurses that I'd held a pillow over his face, I'd tell them that I obviously didn't get the timing right. They knew better but it still made it obvious that neither of us was to be taken seriously.

    Sorry to ramble.

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