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Thread: Can friendships remain the same with SCI?

  1. #11

    Momo

    I copied you're post onto the Relationships forum.

    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred

  2. #12
    Member
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    Well Momoftwo......you can give her a good whoppin...i will be cheering you on. What is more shocking is she is a nurse!!!! She was going to visit him in the hosptial to get him off the respirator, but after that attitude, I DON'T THINK SO! I just think that as we get older, people tend to go their own ways and lead different lives than we were younger. But I think an injury like SCI scares some people because one, they don't know how to react or what to say, and seeing it may bring the reality that if it can happen to you, it can happen to them. But, being very ill myself especially when I was in my twenties, I learned very fast who were my true friends. Nothing like a crisis to weed out the good from the not so good....

  3. #13
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    yo fran!

    glad to hear you slept through the bm @ 5am crisis, especially since he managed just fine without you! I still remember the 1st time I left my husband alone with one of our kids, worrying all day about what if, you know, THAT happened. Guess what? It did, and same as you, he managed just fine without me. It was a breakthrough moment for us both.

    Now then, do you think there will ever be a "bm at 5 am" country/western song???

    Kate

  4. #14
    This post was mistakenly copied over to the relationship forums; I have closed the topic there and left it open here, where I think it's more appropriate.

    Debra - Welcome to the forums! Your courage and spirit shine through; now if you can just get your guy to come around more! Has he asked to see you yet? He may feel that the relationship is over because of his injury; remember, he's still in that shock/anger/grief stage, and could be pushing you away because of that. Persistence rules!

    Fran - Kessler in West Orange has a family support group that meets - I think - twice a month. Call Diane at 973-732-3900 X-2774 for more info. She's the peer support group coordinator.

    Getting counseling is a 'good' thing, but make sure your counselor stays on track with YOUR issues; unfortunately, my experiences with a counselor were less than what I expected. One told me 'what was I whining about - I had it better than lots of others'; and the other was more interested in my son's issues than mine. Told them both to go fly a kite!

    There are caregiver support groups out there; unfortunately most of them are dealing with Alzheimer's, and being the caregiver of a parent. Different issues.

    Also unfortunately, a lot of caregivers just don't have the time to go to meetings; lives are so full of 'caregiving' there just isn't much time for anything else! I would encourage you to try and make the 1st Friday of the month open house at Wises' SCI research project at Rutgers. There's a lot of sharing that goes on during and after the 'formal' presentation. We go as often as we can, and take something home with us each and every time. Not to mention the dose of hope that Wise gives so freely!

    Russ - Good to hear from you - been a while!!!

    To all of you wonderful people - keep posting, and sharing; to know you're not alone in the battle, that others have felt the same way, goes a long way!!

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  5. #15
    Junior Member
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    SCI Open House

    Marmalady - Can you give me more info. about the SCI Open Houses at Rutgers? I read about them and so has my husband, but we didn't follow-up. I tend to think there is no better time than now. Thanks.

  6. #16
    Whoops - sorry, Momoftwo, you're not Fran! Trying to get too many replies going for my tiny little brain to handle!

    The Rutgers Open House is held the 1st Friday of each month, at the SCI Research Project, W.M. Keck Center for Neuroscience, at Rutgers. Of course, the open house is 'open' to anyone, but Patricia Morton likes to get a head count of attendees; you'll also need a parking permit for the lot directly outside of the Center. You can email her at intdevel@juno.com to let her know you're coming, and she'll send you the parking pass.

    The open house starts at 5 with a tour of the labs by one of the graduate students who's actually involved with ongoing research. You'll see all the magnificant state of the art equipment Wise has assembled there, and be sure to take note of the accessibility of the lab! Every piece of equipment was built with a wheelchair in mind! After the tour, everyone assembles in the conference room, a short videotape is played which is very moving, and then Wise goes into his updates and progress on research throughout the world. Every time we've gone we've heard a new piece of information, or a new technique, or a new discovery in the field of SCI research. Wises' dedication and humanity and humility are an inspiration to us all during these talks! Then, after the 'formal' presentation, the room opens to discussion; sometimes it's a round table discussion, and other times small groups break off to chat and get to know each other. It's a truly worthwhile evening! Hope to see you there soon!

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  7. #17
    Member
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    [
    Debra - Welcome to the forums! Your courage and spirit shine through; now if you can just get your guy to come around more! Has he asked to see you yet? He may feel that the relationship is over because of his injury; remember, he's still in that shock/anger/grief stage, and could be pushing you away because of that. Persistence rules!


    Marmalady...thanks for the welcome. I think I am going to back down for a little while. It is a complicated situation. Right now, I just want to be his friend and be supportive, but this is not what he wants. So, I will just send a card once in awhile, and hopefully he will come around. I will still help his family with the research and pass it along to them. Makes me feel like I am doing something and I am learning alot too at the same time. Thanks for the encouragement, though.

  8. #18
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    Thanks Marmalady

    Marmalady -
    Thank you so much for taking the time to give me details on the Open Houses.
    I will be talking to my husband about attending the next one or the one after that. I hope to see you there too
    Thanks again.

  9. #19
    Try to make it if you can - you're pretty close by!

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

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