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Thread: Para BIL getting ready to move in my house. Help!!

  1. #51
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    West Virginia
    Posts
    217
    ABC,

    I didn't mean to come down on you hard. It's a touchy subject for me because I had no help and we lost everything because of it.. Our house, biz, and car. I even had to up root my whole family and move to another state just to get help. I personally think the emotional aspect is more difficult than the physical. As for the kids he needs to let them know that they need to listen to you. And if you can get them to follow the routine you have for your kids it should get easier. If it doesn't then tell him that they can't come over for awhile until you can get a routine with him started. If he was never active with his kids before this then it'll be hard for him to start now. Just hang in there. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him about the kids or other thing then have your husband to. But he needs to know how you feel or he can't change it. Good Luck
    It is not how we fall that defines us..
    It is how we rise.

  2. #52
    Shana, it's okay. I understand where you are coming from as you are coming from the other side and I know it would totally suck to be in your or BIL situation. But wouldn't you feel weird if it was just you and your 2 kids and you moved into your bil or sil's house and they already had 3 kids and they had to move one of the kids out of their room just to make room for you? Wouldn't you try to take your kids out and do stuff with them? Wouldn't you eventually want to find a place of your own? Again I'm not saying I don't want to help, I really do but I really don't want him living here forever and I know if he gets comfortable here that's what's going to happen. I just know we'll never get a lift put in the basement. We've been calling around for 3 weeks and can never get ahold of anyone that will help us. It would be different if it was a friend but things can get tricky with family because you want to help but at the same time you don't want to be sucked into doing this long term and you don't want to hurt anyones feelings.

  3. #53
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    West Virginia
    Posts
    217
    ABC,

    I do agree with you on him getting comfortable and not wanting to move forward. I have a brother like that and he's ab. My advise would be address the problem with the children first because this you can control. You will learn quick the wheels in the medical world turn slow. Expecially when it comes to housing, aids, supplies, and insurance. Has he applied for disability yet? Once he get's it, it should open some doors for you. I would try your local housing office. I live in a small town and since I'm disabled I would go to the top of the list. He might be able to do that. There may not be a handicap apartment available but you can still look at houses to. There's also groups that will come in and modify your house for him. Call your local HRS the people that help with food stamps they may be able to give you some numbers. Also his PT should know of some people. When I was a in PT at the hospital the has counslers that helped with that. It's a huge game of phone tag and sorry to say but people suck so you have to push. I've been playing this game for two years now and it hasen't gotten any easier. I'm always doing research on the net. e-mail me at iamabrokenangel@yahoo.com give me the info on where you live state, town. and i'll see what I can find out for you.
    It is not how we fall that defines us..
    It is how we rise.

  4. #54
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Spring Hill , Florida
    Posts
    616
    Quote Originally Posted by abcboys
    Shana, it's okay. I understand where you are coming from as you are coming from the other side and I know it would totally suck to be in your or BIL situation. But wouldn't you feel weird if it was just you and your 2 kids and you moved into your bil or sil's house and they already had 3 kids and they had to move one of the kids out of their room just to make room for you? Wouldn't you try to take your kids out and do stuff with them? Wouldn't you eventually want to find a place of your own? Again I'm not saying I don't want to help, I really do but I really don't want him living here forever and I know if he gets comfortable here that's what's going to happen. I just know we'll never get a lift put in the basement. We've been calling around for 3 weeks and can never get ahold of anyone that will help us. It would be different if it was a friend but things can get tricky with family because you want to help but at the same time you don't want to be sucked into doing this long term and you don't want to hurt anyones feelings.
    Sorry I forgot to mention this in my previous reply's to you. Does your state have a Brain & Spinal Injury Program? It exists here in Florida & I have heard about the great things that they do helping to modify peoples homes. I know a fellow who is a para & the Brain & Spinal Cord program down here converted a garage on his parents house into an apartment for him & they also made him a nice roll in shower. The VA will also pay for home modifications. If a Veteran is service connected there is a large amount of money that can be used for home modifications but non-service connected is a lot lower amount but it's still better then nothing as every little bit helps. Some states even have a spinal cord registry that keep track of people with spinal cord injuries. What they are for I don't know.
    Hope this info helps.
    Bob

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