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Thread: worried about son

  1. #11
    I guess maybe me giving him his space is what he needs. I know I can't change anything for him, but I DO love him and want him to know I am there for him. Problem is- when he won't let me be there for him I have no one to be there for me either. I am sure I will get there- to the point where I will know he just needs to be alone for a few and it doesn't mean he doesn't love me. I just feel like when he is isolating himself he is also isolating his feelings from me. It hurts, you know?

  2. #12
    Textbook depression ... and who can blame him?

    School may jump-start him out of it in terms of re-gaining motivation although it's bound to be full of ups and downs. Ideally, he'll get excited about "what's next" after high school ... job, college, living on his own, getting involved with the rehab hospital as a mentor or maybe getting into some team sports ... all those things provide a lotta motivation to take care of yourself.

    Either way, the kid needs counselling. This stuff is hard!

  3. #13
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by booklvr20
    to jsnova, Kyle actually did go to Magee and they were wonderful. I am his full time care giver and have been since the accident. He is perfectly sweet and nice as long as I don't try to talk to him about taking more care of himself. As for living with us, he is certainly not smoking in our house. He smokes while he is out with friends (which has been everyday this summer). We have always had a no smoking rule, noone in this house smokes, so it drives me nuts that he picked up this habit. We havn't been in therapy since June because both our insurances have denied anymore and with my lose of income things have been financially hard. So I try to motivate him at home, and he feels I'm naging him. (kind of a mom thing I guess) We have had some harsh fights since his accident because of course, I am the one he takes it all out on. I get that and have been trying to understand but also not be his punching bag. I can give as good as I get. I just wonder if this is something he will grow out of. I so don't want him to wish 5yrs from now that he did more to take care of his health. He is starting school in a week since he missed his senior year, this should be interesting he has hated school since he started 1st grade.


    Dawn
    Hi Dawn, I've highlighted above what I think is a huge silver lining in your cloud.

    In the UK rehab. times are very different from the US so I, a C5, had only been home for three months or so a year after my injury.

    After getting home it took me many more months before I had the confidence and mental strength to go out with my old friends on a regular basis.

    I think it's bloody marvelous that your son has spent most of the summer out with his friends seeing as he has been injured for less than a year!

    As for smoking - I urge you to give him a break, he feels different, isolated, a bit of a freak even, smoking helps him fit in, it's something his peer group does and he can join in, he's young, there's plenty of time for him to quit.

    All the best,

    Jonathan.

  4. #14
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    thanks everyone for your comments and most I agree with. I am getting off his back about smoking, he knows how I feel and knows that he's not to do it in my house so if he does it with his friends what can I do, except hope it's a habit he breaks quick. I am really happy that he has had a fun summer getting out with his friends and hopefully he will start taking his health seriously while in school. Just worried, thats what we moms do best.

    Dawn

  5. #15
    Does he think about his future...have some goals he's working toward? That could go a long way in helping him move in the right direction. Also, even though your insurance won't pay for counseling right now, he could probably see a counselor at school for free. That could help him with some career planning and with some of the emotional stuff he's going through.

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by booklvr20
    thanks everyone for your comments and most I agree with. I am getting off his back about smoking, he knows how I feel and knows that he's not to do it in my house so if he does it with his friends what can I do, except hope it's a habit he breaks quick. I am really happy that he has had a fun summer getting out with his friends and hopefully he will start taking his health seriously while in school. Just worried, thats what we moms do best.

    Dawn
    Hi Dawn;
    Smoking.... How about self medication? My son Michael, turned to Heroin after the accident. 5 days after he turned 19, thrown from the back seat T/8. PARAPLEGIC. Yes that was 9m on Friday April 4th 2004. This was not a school night. The call from the hospital.......
    Mikey is 10 months sober tomorrow morning!!!! He is doing great and his GUN's are huge now. I thank "GOD" every day he is a survivor. You worry about smoking???? Please contact me. Patti

  7. #17
    Junior Member CJ'S-MOM's Avatar
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    Hi Dawn,
    I can COMPLETELY relate to what you are going through. My 19yr. old son CJ is a C5/C6 quad. His car accident was in February of this year. My husband and I work from home which is a blessing for CJ and his care. I take care of him mostly and my husband does the transfers, but CJ is learning each day to do more for himself. He can brush his teeth, wash his face, lift his cup up to give himself a drink and wheel himself around in his manual chair some. He fed himself his first meal just two days ago!! He has also been learning to write all over again. CJ tells me when he needs to be stretched and excercised. I don't remind him, I make him remind me. CJ has his good days and his bad days. He had days where he says "I CAN'T" do that to everything. He too has picked smoking back up and it bothered my husband and I alot since we had to watch him on a ventilator for 2 1/2 months. We both have learned though that we have bigger fish to fry and we have to pick and choose our battles! As time has gone on CJ has more good days than bad now. He has learned "HE CAN" do things if he tries and practices. CJ does not like his power chair and refuses to use it because he thinks it makes him look more disabled! Whatever works, I say. The manual chair will strengthen his arms more and make him less dependent than the power chair, I think. We are hoping that one day he will be able to transfer himself with help or independently. I guess what I want to say to you is that it really is all about tough love. If you refuse to do the things you know he can do with practice without even trying then maybe he will try. That is what we started doing to CJ. It was the hardest thing in the world to do because he is our son and we love him, but we knew we were not helping by doing everything for him. We even sat his friends down and let them know that we did not want them doing everything for him when they took him out or spent time with him here. If they don't want to follow our rules then CJ won't get to go. We have three other boys as well, 17,16 and 9. They of course love their brother and want to do all they can for him but they are all aware of our rules. It may not work for everyone but it works for us. We have had our share of arguements and probably will have more. He is still a normal teenager mentally and emotionally just not physically and we have to remember that. When he was able bodied and lived with us he had rules to follow then as well as consequences for not following the rules. I hope things get better for you and your son. I wish you well.

    Elaine-CJ's-MOM

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