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Thread: Am I being selfish?

  1. #41
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    I have a close friend who I was her caregiver until my accident. I was her first. and was paid by jewish attendant care. it was a social worker who told her husband to apply for attendant care after she fell out of her chair and waited four hours for him to come home only to find she had a broken vertabra. she didnt want to bother anyone. he was at the end of his rope. at first she hired family members. and me her cleaning lady. though now none of here attendants are related. she did have to sit on a waiting list, but, it has been a wonderful thing for her and her familys stress issues.

  2. #42
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
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    Thanks for reviving this thread Jody ..... six years old and the issues are still the same .... it brought a tear to my eye seeing the old names on the posts .... I pray everyone is well and life has been good to them !!

    Obieone
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  3. #43
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    Hi Fran,
    I haven't read everyone else's responses to your question, but I do not in the least feel like you are wrong for feeling a certain amount of resentment. IF your husband had been a different type of man, meaning there with you instead of mostly on the golf course, then I think you might have a different take on the whole situation, but under the circumstances I don't know how you could help but feel resentful. I am a quad, but there is one thing you wrote about that I would like to address. While it may be faster for you to run and get him what he needs, it is not necessary to do so if he can do it himself. It will only worsen the feelings of resentment if he doesn't do the things he CAN do for himself, and realistically, if I was to use the excuse that someone else should do thing for me because they would be faster at it than I am I would never do anything. Not a good enough excuse for him to be allowing you to wait on him, in my opinion. I live alone, now in a condo, but for a great many years in my own house. I had to pay for the grass mowing and the snow shovelling, so if you can afford to pay for it that should not be part of the things you are doing. You need to take some time for yourself or the whole situation will implode. He can certainly be left alone for a few hours, even if he whines about it. Go to a movie, take yourself shopping or to a spa, whatever.....but take some time for you and do NOT feel guilty about it. Good luck.

  4. #44
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    Duh.......I didn't notice the age of this post when I responded.......feel a bit stupid, but hoping my words help someone in the here and now....

  5. #45
    I didn't know this post was so old either but glad it came back around! I can totally relate to what everyone is feeling. Taking over the man-chores was so overwhelming and each time, I realized that I am all alone and I need to become more independent. I feel I give SO much and there's nothing he can really do to help physically.

    I feel pitiful for myself at times, but I also know that I have learned SO MUCH. There's always good and bad... take it for what it is and make the most of it. I still go on weekend vacations and go out with the girls on some nights - my bf is 9 mos post sci. He really tries.. but sometimes its not enough. He is as frustrated and disappointed as often as I feel depressed and overwhelmed. It's a hard life but we are the drivers of our destiny.. I guess I'll have to ponder that on another post.

  6. #46
    Well we are all human and we are going to experience those emotions whether we want to or not. I useually find that caregiving on your best days is great, on the other hand if i'm not up to par I try to steer clear of any situation that will agrivate me! sometimes you just have those moments with your patient where you just need to step out of the room and take a break.
    I had an end stage alzheimer's patient and she would say the meanest things and some days you just get tired of laughing it off you know? I just take each client day by day and issue by issue..ect. caregiving can require a lot of imagination, so i have a blast trying to figure out what works and does not work.
    be glad your able to vent. I find if i have someone to talk to about it and talk it out.. i am able to deal better. nobodys superhuman - nobodys perfect.
    Dont feel bad about getting angry or resentfull.. just forgive yourself and move on. I think a lot of people have a hard time forgiving themselves over stuff they feel that they did wrong. (not that you did anything wrong)

    venting is a good thing! i dont know why it works but it does. we all need a friend to talk to .
    I have an anonymous person who happend to come accross recently and I will vent to this person or talk to them about stuff that is bothering me. Its agreed that we don't become "friends" but this person is there to offer advice for me and this person actually does this on purpose for people online. This person i'd say is a God send for me. ( i dont even know what they look like!)
    Well if you've gotten this far - thanks for reading - happy posting!
    Last edited by nickelo; 01-06-2009 at 07:17 PM.

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