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Thread: Am I being selfish?

  1. #31
    Senior Member martha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Texas hallelujah!
    Too bad we don't all live near each other. We could start our own home repair, remodeling, landscaping, tree trimming, etc. business! I spent two weekends ago hanging gutter (thought about that 25' down to the concrete too) and fun stuff like that. Sounds like between us we've got about all of the "trades" covered!


  2. #32
    Dear Ladies,

    As a woman with a SCI I know the first thing that will fail a relationship is being the lover/caregiver. Who wants to make love to someone after you just cleaned up a load of crap?

    You need respite and fast. Tell your hubbies you need time for you! Get him a home-health aide a few hours a day.

    Best of luck to you all.

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Sun City West AZ

    re: trading places

    I check this topic every day because I posted it. I am so glad that my feelings are considered normal. I wear so many hats I can't do justice to any of them. It would be great if we could all meet at the pool wouldn't it. As far as doing" man things"one of you gals wrote that you're using the tools that hardly ever got used in the first place before sci!!! In our case he did use them a few times.But golf always came first then exhaustion . My favorite tool is the Dewalt Drill. I love attaching all those diffrent Sockets and going to town around here. Of course my husband coaches me on the how and the what.I just wish I had the time to shave my legs without being in a rush. And whoever mentioned how hard it is to be a lover to a man you just "disimpacted" is so right!!!! I really need to get away. But air fares don't come cheap. I have a grandson ( the only one 7 granddaughters after that)who is going to Homecoming Dance in 3 weeks in the Chicago area. How I would love to see him off!!! He was our "first " and is our boy!!! I do thank God for all these wonderful little angels. They soften the blow of this SCI.Thanks for the support!! Fran

  4. #34
    Senior Member krajaxa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    New Castle, PA

    projects and relax time

    Just wanted to agree with some of posts:
    *yes, we can do all trades between all of us, forming a crew might be a good idea, the only thing is, we get things done when we "feel like it"
    *yes, we need some rest in between doing all the caregiving stuff. Hire somebody for a few hours, take time off, go shopping, lay in your backround pool for hours without being disturbed, or just go to dinner with a friend. I find all of this relaxing. And definetely find some time to shave your legs without being rushed...(I hate the cuts).
    *or just find some time and money to travel and see your grandson's graduation party or visit family or friend.
    *and most important: make love to your spouse without being turned off...


  5. #35
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Franklin Park, NJ, USA

    Thanks for the laugh

    Thank you all for the funny stuff about Trading Spaces. I love that show!! Not because I have a secret desire to use power tools, to be honest, but I just like to whole room "make-over" thing. Thank you for the supportive words, too. Kate, my kids are 8 and 20 months. They are such a gift!! I am very fortunate that my husband has a very positive outlook. It really makes a big difference. Marmalady, we live pretty close to one another. I live in Franklin Park and work in Raritan. By the way, It's Carolyn... (That is sometimes my problem, I forget that I am more than a mom and more than a woman whose husband has a huge challenge. I am Carolyn

    [This message was edited by Jeff on Sep 16, 2002 at 03:25 PM.]

  6. #36
    i havent been a member of this site but a month or so but im c-5,6 quad. post injury 18 yrs. i wish there would have been something like this when i had my accident. It could have helped my situation. my wife wanted to do everything and wouldn't accept any help from anyone. As a result, I became accustomed to just her doing my care. I wish when i was in rehab they would have mentioned that the spouse shouldn't be the primary caregiver. I also wish that i would have known better than to let her do all my care. when id mention getting outside help she wouldn't have anything to do with it. After about a yr and 1/2 she burnt out and felt that her only option was to leave. I understand both the role of caregivers and the person with the injury. I'd sure do things differently if i could go back. oh well. I know this was an old post but thought id say that i can relate to this.

  7. #37
    Thanks for the post, and your insights, Isuquadie. I so wish hospitals/rehab centers would include in-depth counseling for family members about the 'risks' of caregiving. Perhaps tragedies like yours could be avoided, or at least minimized.

    Welcome to the site and to our family!

    Tough times don't last - tough people do.

  8. #38
    Senior Member ~Patrick~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    I normaly dont reply here but this is too good to pass on. I am T-10 so I do almost everything I did before except the obvious(ladders, lawnmowers, although I did start trimming one day). Anyhow, one saturday night last summer I heard a chain saw in my yard! My wife had enough of my pear tree and was taking revenge. Now, my wife is about 5'4" 120lbs, and not too handy with powertools let alone a chainsaw. Needless to say it came down, with the fence, the swings, part of the neighbors yard stuff. Now she is talking about putting in a patio........... I'm scared

  9. #39
    Senior Member prttynpnk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    South Carolina
    I have taken great comfort from these posts.Lately my husband has not been sleeping thru the night and I feel like a hamster on a wheel- work all day, up all night and trying to calm him down.Sometimes I feel so evil, because all I think about is how bad I feel and eyeing up the nyquil bottle.I miss the emotional support he used to give me before the accident. I miss someone asking me about my day and how I feel. As soon as I get in the door he starts demanding things without even a hello- he had me so spoiled with his attentiveness before the accident and now everything is on my shoulders and I don't even get to nap when he naps because I have cleaning,bills,800 phone calls to medicaid and so forth.
    I'm sorry to post such a lot of bitching, but I think I'm going to snap soon- I feel so guilty about my feelings- he has had problems with narcotics in the past and I have to be so vigilant about his meds that I always feel like the bad guy.

  10. #40
    Pat~You crack me up! Tell your wife I said, "You go, girl!"

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