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Thread: problems with a 7 year old

  1. #11
    I think it's a power struggle. He knows you are the only adult that can't physically overpower him. How utterly intriguing! So you have to exert your power some other way.

    You say he only plays video games at your house? OMG, that's the best bargaining chip EVER.

    I'd say..."What do you mean, I can't do anything about it? Of course I can! Right this very moment, one word from me and my aide puts that video game into the closet, where it will stay until I say it comes out!"

    If he keeps pushing, make that very thing happen.

    I'd tell my brother but ask him to let you handle it your way, first. I can pretty much guarantee that kid is testing them at home, too. They probably respond like normal ppl, which comes down to "You have to, because I'm bigger."

    Aunt OJ isn't bigger so she'll have to be smarter.

    This isn't happening b/c you're paralyzed. It's b/c he's 7. They gotta test everything. He's not bad, he's normal.

    PS-I've raised 2 boys that still give me hell, so what do I know. When they were 7 though, I was able to bluff them pretty successfully.

    The reason I say I'd ask my brother not to interfere, is 1. As parent, he needs to be in the loop but 2. As an AB, he'll be horrified and overreact. He'll project how he thinks he'd feel if he were in your shoes, and it will look like the worst thing imaginable to him. We expect better from our kids, he'll be disappointed that his spawn would take advantage of a paralyzed relative. If you take the horror of paralysis out of it (which this kid has) he's a kid intrigued by what appears to be no enforceable rules.

    All spawn take advantage of every advantage they can get, i firmly believe it. This is why my hair is silver at the roots once every 6 weeks.

    After this is resolved, of course, have as many "disability" conversations with the kid as you feel like. I can almost guarantee what's happening here is that you're being treated as an equal. He isn't going to discriminate and treat you special LOL. He'd do the same to anybody.

    My kids forget I'm different, esp Jake, who was 11 when I got sci'd. When he was 13, we had a TERRIBLE morning. I was SOOO frustrated. I sat in front of him and pounded my fist on his leg, for emphasis. (I had as much emphasis that way as any given flea.) He goes off to school. The counselor calls, says "Jacob is having a TERRIBLE day, can you come in?" I don the AFO, grab my crutches and totter off. Counselor looks at me, her eyes widen, she turns to Jake-"Jacob, THIS is the woman you claim beat you this morning?" He slunk down in his chair, mumbled Yes. She just looks amused, suggests I take him home and we try again tomorrow.

    We're in the car. I say "Jake, you told that lady I beat you? I had the feeling she was expecting a female truckdriver, not some tiny feeble person that can barely balance upright. Bet you feel stupid now, hmmm?"

    More slinking down. "I forgot what you look like, Mom."

    Kids. The truest non-discriminators on earth!
    Last edited by betheny; 08-06-2008 at 01:59 PM.

  2. #12
    OJ My son will be 8 in 2 weeks. He tried getting on the top bunk one time when he was in trouble. I guess it didn't occur to him that he had to come down sometime. I agree with Betheny and the video game. I don't think I would tell him he could not come over again as TR said. Kids need to know you love them and want to see them even when they are bad.
    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by JenJen
    I don't think one needs to be "secretive" in dealing with kids but there are times when you can learn more by coming at a conversation sideways. I'm guessing that was the context of the WTB's comment. Kids can shut down when heavy issues are discussed directly. Sometimes a "spiral" conversation works better -- started casual and non-specific and working to the real issue. THis can take days with kids.
    I agree with this. My children are 13 and 11 and a lot of times they will just be quiet if questioned directly about certain things. You have to play it smarter and slowly work your way into the conversations to get to what is bothering them. Sometimes it takes a while but most children are generally very honest when just talking and having normal conversations. Most children I have seen are suspicious of direct questions.

    Now back to the other, my children or at least my son has pulled you can't get me, I'll hide in my room, you can't spank me, etc.. Like Bethany said the best bargaining tools for my children are Take away the cell phones, the PlayStation, the TV, the radio, bicycles you name it, make them stare at the wall for a couple of hours. Works wonders. Now that mine are getting older taking all that away and having to clean house is a killer. I would tell their father just so he would know and can be watching but I would also tell him to let me handle it myself until you feel like you can't. He is obviously testing everyone so just set a punishment and stick to it if he misbehaves. He obviously likes you or he wouldn't keep coming over. Good luck, children can test your skills sometimes.

  4. #14
    I'm in agreement with the video game technique, it works the best in my opinion. Also, use your caregiver to your advantage, an extension of your body, especially hands. I've had unruly kids in the past, but when the caregiver reminds him/her that she must do whatever I say, they shape up quickly.

    Again, it's also his age at this time. When he is over again, he'll likely be the normal nephew again.
    C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

  5. #15
    LOLOL @ Addiesue: Guess he forgot he had to come down sometime.

    OMG they're all alike. Don't you know he's up there, and his thought processes are going like this-"Haahaaa. I showed her! She can't get me! What should I do now? Oh. Oh crap. Whoops. Guess I didn't think this one through...."

  6. #16
    Re the spiral convo-IMO, the only way to ever get info from kids. I don't even know how parents that can't drive survive, b/c spiraling in on a car ride is one of my best weapons.

    Like I said, you can have the straight-up disability talk with him if it makes you feel better, but I truly believe he's over it. Remember when you were worried, soon after injury, b/c the kids were acting odd around you? That stage is officially over.

    Gotta say, I'm loving how all the parents here react the same (and I'm counting trainman as one of us, he's put in the time working w/ kids.) Nobody is horrified, or acting like the kid is a monster. There's just a communal sigh and chuckle. SCI parents know what's up. What would we do w/out Carecure? Sometimes it so keeps me from feeling like the Lone Stranger.

  7. #17
    Senior Member WheelieMike's Avatar
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    Dec 2006
    Southern Indiana
    I wonder what a quad claw upside the head will do? Tell him your arms and legs might not work, but your memory is still there. If he tries that crap again, you'll club him.
    Stupidity ain't illegal, but it sure is inconvenient.

    Help me support the 2010 Bike MS.

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    last house on the left
    I think I agree with Betheny that your nephew may well be testing his limits and yours too. I know that kids sometimes think that a disability is not a permanent thing, as kids can't really grasp the concept of anything being permanent beyond their mother, father, and home. I may be waiting to see if you jump out of bed and discipline him. I think agreeing with him that you can not get out of bed and that because you can't it is even more important that he behave and respect your wishes because they deserve to be respected, and because taking advantage of another person, aunt or otherwise, is really, really bad behavior.

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by WheelieMike
    I wonder what a quad claw upside the head will do? Tell him your arms and legs might not work, but your memory is still there. If he tries that crap again, you'll club him.
    OJ can't do that, but from experience I can tell you, it just gets you accused of child abuse. A good swing would set me on my butt anyway, so I'm in no danger of hurting anyone. But I have done it, and gotten a horrified "Mom hit me with her FIST!"

    PS-Not proud of having hit my child with my fist. Just honest, and unable to open my hand!

  10. #20
    OMG..Punishing kids for being scared & killing a spider in a room they are expected to sleep in.

    I wouldn't go back if I were them.
    Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

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