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Thread: Am I Being Unreasonable (again)?

  1. #1

    Am I Being Unreasonable (again)?

    My husband prefers sitting on the sofa to sitting in his wheelchair. This, of course, makes it more difficult or inconvenient for him to move about. When it's time to cath (he uses those "contained" systems, he does it on the sofa and just puts it in the wastebasket beside the sofa. Am I unreasonable in thinking that some things should be "normal", i.e. you handle your bodily functions in private and you don't have wastebaskets of "elimination" in the living room? And yes, I could empty the wastebasket every time he caths, but folks I need to know if this is acceptable and I'm being unreasonable.

  2. #2
    my wife told me about six or eight months after I got hurt, that paralysis did not give me the right to be lazy or be a pig. I could not stand staying one place personally and we try to keep our house looking as normal as possible. I think it helps everyone's sanity.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Manassas,Va. USA
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    353
    I certainly wouldn't want to give my opinion because everybodys situation seems so different, even in the things we use to hold and release urin. Justin has a regular leg bag that connects via a condom cath. The leg beg has a release valve. We usually bring a urinal over as it begins to get a little full and empty it in there.Justin likes the couch for breaks or to watch a football game or movie or a few shows. He says it gives him a break from having to "stand all day"Thats what he says his body feels like when he's in the power chair all day.But I never would leave the smelly urin lying around our family room. Uh the dignity of it all!! hehe

  4. #4
    Thanks for your responses.

    Joseph, I'm assuming that being a C5, Justin probably can't handle this "task" on his own and therefore you do it for him. Would you feel the same way if he was a T4 and able to do it for himself? I really want to understand and to be as open as possible.

    Carl, can you tell me how your wife explained this to you without bruising your pride or ego while you're "down"?

    Many thanks.

  5. #5
    mj,

    Nothing is wrong with your thinking. Things like that, whenever possible, should be handled in private. The following suggestion will make a few assumptions and is rather crude, so I apologize in advance for any... misconceptions and lack of better phrasing:

    Ask him how he would feel if you just changed your maxi pad or tampon in the living room and tossed it in the nearest waste basket.

    It is my opinion that being paralyzed does not entitle a person to change what is "socially acceptable". I get the feeling you did not marry a slob. Tell him that. Be blunt about it. Trust me, it will feel much better.

    -Steven

  6. #6

    Steven!

    I like your syle! How'd you get so smart so young? That's classic and I would have never thought of it. Will let you know how it goes.
    Still LMAO!

  7. #7
    my wife has always been pretty anal about how the house looks and keeping it picked up. so I knew from the start that those things would not change. And I try to be as helpful as possible, because she still does a lot for me and I don't want to burn her out because of my injury.

    To answer your question, she is always pretty blunt and straightforward about what she wants (I am tto). I've tried to put myself in her role as much as possible, and I'm not so sure that the caregivers don't have it harder than us injured people sometimes. The first year or two is just tough. I feel like we are just now returning to some kind of normalcy almost three years later.

  8. #8
    MJ,

    Does your husband do his pressure reliefs on the couch? I've heard that some of the worst pressure sores come from when folks are 'couch potatoes'.

    Re the cath thing - I agree with Steven! Jackie

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