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Thread: Depression....what can you do?

  1. #21
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    depression and sci

    dear alice,
    i also have a son with a resent injury. i can relate to everything in your post. my son was injured in december of 2000.
    the truck that injured my son, injured an entire family.my son is also having a terrible time adjusting to this new life he has been handed. we are being as supportive has possible. i have gone back to work, however i am not the same person either. my job that was such a challenge and fulfilling is now very stressful and belaboring. at time my son lashes out on us,he is angry and i understand his anger. he was a good person living a clean life. why us??
    watching your child suffer is the worst possible thing that can happen to a parent. depression is difficult to cure yourself. i find the negitivity can drain all the energy you have.my son will not join in support groups, he will not talk to other injured people either.
    however antidepressants are helping to keep him hopeful for a cure. ther were days that she laid ther not eating or speaking to me or anyone else at all. he did overdose on meds intentionally. i found him and he was hospitalised. i thank god he is alive, he curses the doctors who saved him. he went as far to have DNR tattooed to his chest.
    you are not alone my friend. when sci moves into your life, no one knows the agony loved ones endure as well as the injured.
    we are trying to focus on the CURE. it first i was afraid to instill hope to my son. as i looked into this further i beleive int a cure. our children are young enoug to bennifit from this. i thing the best advise i can give to you is HOPE. try to interest you son i all the internet sites that pertain to the cure of sci.i stared by emailing them to my son. at first he did not read them. i kept emailing them to him but nevder mentioned them until one day he asked me questions on how i found the sites. he bought me a used laptop on ebay so i cluld do more research with him.
    we still have very black days. but...when we have a day with some laughs and smiles, i savor them. hopefully some day soon the good days will start to out number the dark days.
    if you son will not go for councel,go for yourself. you may be surprised,one day he may ask about it and join you.
    alice, i will be thinking about you. hang in there mom!!!

  2. #22
    Senior Member
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    I guess there are a few of us,

    Who's children are around the same age battling with SCI. My son doesn't get depressed much he won't let himself. He says at night when he can't sleep he talks to God.He does get angry easier then he use to.He won't take any medications except pain pills and those around every other day. Massage therapy helps alot with some pain issues.His freinds take him out a few times a week.That helps too.I'm not sure why he doesnt get too down. I get down more then he does. If he gets a cold or just sick thats when he gets really bumbed. My heart goes out to you guys.If the boys like sports you could encourage them toward Fantasy Sports. Its very interesting and keeps Justin busy coaching his team and stratergizing.If I can help in any way feel free to contact me via email.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Clipper's Avatar
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    Joseph,

    While I respect your thoughts regarding "moving forward" with life, I find it troublesome that your family appears to place so much emphasis on cure. We all must move on in our own way, finding what works for us and deriving strength from a variety of sources. But focusing on cure can be very detrimental to both you and your son. I'm hopeful for a cure, and my family is very active in cure research and fundraising. But I have never put my life on hold.

    I was hesitant to post this reply because I do not mean to criticize or offend. You and I clearly have different views on such things as religion. But like I said, strength comes from many sources. I wish you and your son all the best, but I strongly encourage both of you to avoid the trap of "filling your days" or "passing time" while waiting for a cure.

  4. #24
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    In a groove

    Your probably right Clipper.But everyone is different and we all make decisions inner and outer that have to be adjusted along the way.Hopefully we'll make those and Justin will be more productive with his life.We choose to involve God in the process of helping us move forward.Maybe you felt compelled to write your last thoughts so the other folks wouldn't fall into the same trap as us.Our original goals with Justin were finish school and go for the cure.Because the first 2 years we're so involed with getting him off the vent and trying to get him healthy, along with trying different therapies to see if he could get more return, he's only done a little schooling. But a rut has developed and thats what we're trying to address.Buy the way we did get accomplish alot in terms of his health. Along with health products,and Electrical stim for his muscles we got him on 4ap and that has given him better bladder control so that we don't have to cath him anymore. So the focus on cure hasn't been without some benefits. But the subject matter at hand is how us as caregivers deal with our sadness and depression.If you have some ideas on what we can do to better our situation feel free to email me.I'm learning as I go.

  5. #25
    a couple of ideas that have worked for myself and my family. I'm not sure if this is financially feasible or not, but I hired someone to come in for four hours per day to help me get out of bed, do bowelprogram, and get dressed five days a week. She also does minor housework such as washing clothes, washing dishes,vacuuming,etc. Having some outside help has made a HUGE difference in our lives. My wife is not nearly as tired as she was a year ago, and I don't feel guilty for having to ask for help. I was very hesitant to spend the money at first, but is only going to cost roughly $600 per month for the outside help. And that is well worth our sanity in my opinion. It gives everyone a well-deserved break since the first couple of years are so draining on every one.

    Little things can also make a big difference in everyone's life. For example, I just got a couple of light switches which are controlled by the computer (doesn't seem like much, but sure makes me feel better) for less than $40. New microphone for the computer which works within 4 ft. of the machine so no one has to put my headset on and off for me. Water jug sits in my lap ($5 from Wal-Mart) with long straw, so no one has to give me a drink. Large lever action doorknobs ($10) for the doors. Even though I don't have use of my wrist (I'm C5), hands or fingers. . . I can still get them open. I even velcroedthe remote control for the television to the side of the couch and I can work it with my knuckles. Some of these things may sound trivial and you may already be using them, but I had been amazed at how much better I feel being able to do the little things without asking for help. And the people around me are not nearly as tired at the end of the day.

  6. #26
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    Thanks Carl,

    Those are some good ideas Carl. We have some simalar things for Justin. He also is C5, biceps but nothing more on the arms.What kind of things do you do to be productive?Do you know of many folks who are c5 or higher that can hold full time jobs.I can Imagine Justin working about 4 hours a day or 6 at home or even broken up 6 to 8 but its hard to imagine him going off to work 9 to 5 unless he had an aid with him.How long has it been for you? Thanks for the imput.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Annabanana's Avatar
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    joseph, I know of very few paras and no quads that work full time. I'm a para and I work from 10 to 4.30 three days a week, and i find that to be great. When you have to get up about two hours before everyone else to shower and go to the toilet, for me its just too exhausting to then go work a full day, and cook dinner when i get home. I could probably do it, but I think my health would suffer so it wouldnt be worth it.

    Maybe your son could aim for around 15 - 20 hours a week to start off with, and see how he manages it.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Jeff's Avatar
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    Things get A LOT easier

    I'm a C6 who went through the ultimate in depression. I was always angry and yelling at somebody in my family. My first two years after injury were my last two years of high school. I only went to school two or three days a week and did only a fraction of the work. For some reason they passed me, anyway. I think they were just really glad to get rid of me.

    I finally blossomed when I started college and began living on my own. I have a career and have been able to work as many as sixty hours per week. I have almost no finger movement but I've learned to use my hands, anyway, and the sliver of tricep muscle I have in each arm makes them functional.

    I recently worked with a C5 who was on his own [had caregivers]. He drove his van to work each day and worked a full schedule.

    Things just get easier with time.

    ~See you at the SCIWire-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion ~

  9. #29

    quads can work

    I know a C5 quad who works full-time. Her work is performed on a computer using a combination of a stick in a universal cuff and voice recognition software. She works from home so her workday schedule is somewhat flexible, but she works the same core hours as other workers.

  10. #30
    I'm only a paraplegic (not quad) so I've worked full time for MOST of my 19 years of 'imprisonment.'

    Not when I get depressed though - I've had to have time off - it ain't that easy, in my opinion but it can be better than staying at home once your mood lifts enough and if you get the opportunity (which is important). I had a very good friend of mine (who died recently), who was a C5 complete quad and the way the disability compensation works here in NZ he could not really contemplate earning money as it would have endangered everything he'd fought for!!

    Going to work is good for the money, the social contact but if you can't when this terrible accident happens it's nothing to feel guilty about

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