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Thread: parents as caretakers

  1. #1
    Senior Member jessie.gray's Avatar
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    parents as caretakers

    My Mom has been my caretaker since I was discharged from a nursing/rehab facility I recovered from surgery at. At first, it was okay, but lately, she has been getting on my nerves.
    She is constantly telling me how I should organize my apartment, what to wear to work, how I should do my hair, ect. I've tried telling her that she doesn't pay the rent or the bills, so why should she care what my apartment looks like and that I'll wear any scrubs I want to work, but she then just get's pissed at me and says not to talk to her like that. Dang, she's treating me like a 5 year old rather than a 26 year old. Its like I'm living at home again

    Because of the rules of my insurance and stuff like that, it would take forever to get another caretaker, so how do I get Mom to back off and not treat me like a little kid?

    Jessie

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by jessie.gray
    so how do I get Mom to back off and not treat me like a little kid?
    You're always going to be her kid. She's just being a mom.
    C5 injury with partial C6 function on left.

  3. #3
    I think you've done what you can, moving out on your own. I just got a lecture from my mom for buying 2 dresses and a pair of shoes for 60% off. I shouldn't spend money on myself. The kicker? I also bought her a purse!

    Did I mention that I'm 48, married, and live in another state with 2 grown kids?

    It's a mom thing. My son just told me he had a fight with his girlfriend. I said "Why? What did you do?" So I guess we're all guilty.

  4. #4
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    Start on the "forever" path to finding a new caregiver. Your mother might be burned out. What kind of caregiving do you need at your level?

  5. #5
    Senior Member jessie.gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoFla
    Start on the "forever" path to finding a new caregiver. Your mother might be burned out. What kind of caregiving do you need at your level?
    Even since my ostomy surgery, Mom thinks I am unable to do anything for myself, even though I can. Now that I am healed up, I can take a shower on my own, put my leg braces on myself and do my own chores, but she doesn't think I can, so she is still my caretaker. I recently moved into a wheelchair accessible apartment, so all of that stuff is easier for me to do by myself.
    We plan on having a lady from the state do another evaluation on us soon, so maybe this will help.

    I think you are right, she might be stressed. Right now, she is also having to deal with my brother moving further away from home (he's moving up toward Seattle) and my sister who is in jail.

    Jessie

  6. #6
    Senior Member jessie.gray's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by betheny
    I think you've done what you can, moving out on your own. I just got a lecture from my mom for buying 2 dresses and a pair of shoes for 60% off. I shouldn't spend money on myself. The kicker? I also bought her a purse!

    Did I mention that I'm 48, married, and live in another state with 2 grown kids?

    It's a mom thing. My son just told me he had a fight with his girlfriend. I said "Why? What did you do?" So I guess we're all guilty.
    Yea, my Mom bitches me out if I buy something she doesn't think I need. Heck, I bought a new pillow for my bed, because my other one was really flat, and she griped constantly at me for that.

    Jessie

  7. #7
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    Yep, it's an almost universal trait. Moms, or grandmothers too for that matter, just simply can't help themselves. If for whatever reason you're in a situation where mom, or dear old grandma, has the slightest opportunity to nag on you, they're gonna do it. Only cure is of course to move out, be on your own, etc.

    That said, whatever your set of circumstances, you're at the age where you have to have your own life and not be judged for it as well, so if moving out isn't an option, then the parents have to allow for this (within reason, of course), but that's easier said than done!

    Tom

  8. #8
    This sounds familiar, I'm 26 and living with my parents. As they have been my cares for 23 years, at least partially. Even though I lived on my own for three years, I still get all the advice. As has been said, it's a parent thing, just remember they care for you and want what's best.
    C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

  9. #9
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    Your mom is experiencing empty nest. She still wants to do it, but resents having to do so. Be kind by quietly showing her that you can do it on your own. Stop the verbal bickering. Keep your apartment neat and tidy. She sure has enough on her plate with two kids moving on, and another in prison. I can't blame her for behaving like a mother. Wish I still had my mom offering unwelcome advice to me.

  10. #10
    Hi, I'm new here and I help take care of my mother in law (when I'm not at work).....Many times I am tempted to suggest easier ways for her to do things but I just "zip it"for now, hope she'll discover them herself.

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