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Thread: Sad Saturday!

  1. #1
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001

    Sad Saturday!

    We wait all winter for the kind of day it was here on the prairies today ... absolutely beautiful..... calm no wind at all except for a nice little breeze ... hovering around 20-25 c .. a wee bit cloudy but otherwise just an all around fantastic day! Me and the kids worked out in the yard mowing, clipping yada yada .... having fun enjoying the day ...

    Bill never even got out of bed .... he's able to do this because he just empties his ileostomy bag into a container and his Ma just brings him whatever else he might need .....
    Now our reno's on the house are coming along and he can get up the ramp and in now and although we're still not close to actually having him moving back in yet things are progressing ! I guess he did have a busy week ... a couple of meetings and he toodled about town on his scooter thingee but why he would he waste such a beautiful day ... he won't talk about it with me when he gets like that he just says he's "tired" but that is really just code for "leave me alone I'm depressed can't you see I'm in a wheelchair????......"

    Usually I just let him have his day and leave him be but for some reason I just couldn't let it go this time. Since he's been staying with his Mom he's gotten a little soft in some areas ..... like ... she brings him his coffee in the morning .. in bed ... okay that's fine I even do that too .. on occasion .. but not every morning ..... he rarely gets out of bed before noon (well .... what's to get up for ) .... he continually gives me direction on how to do stuff in the yard at the house and that seems to drive me crazy while here I am working 2 part time jobs, tending to our family .. no let me restate that - "raising" our family with little input from him (they're girls you know )
    and of course I'm left to do the cleaning up after the carpenters leave ......
    yup ..... I guess I'm just fed up..... and in the midst of all this I've had one adult child move back home .. which has been emotionally draining ... (but a good thing really ..... for a while I'll have a little exra help around here and she has always been a real support to me where her Dad is concerned) I think I just reached my breaking point ..... and ... I probably had a little too much wine with supper ..... so .... I let him have it ... kind of ..... and then went home and shared with our youngest my little rant at her Dad .... and she says to me .... " yeah but at least you can walk Mom" ....... shit .....

    So as you can imagine this morning I woke up feeling like an a**hole ....
    I'm not looking for anything in particular from you folks..... I guess I just needed to get that off my chest ..... now for those of you who don't know Bill is a T5 sci and pretty independant and its been 10 lovely years fighting with this thing ...... I guess its just taken its tole on "both" of us .... we'll be fine .... but .... every once in awhile I just get fed up with spending another Saturday night alone and having to deal with all the "stuff" I do so he doesn't have to ......

    I'm going to pick some lilacs now and take them over to see him and make amends ..... like I always do ..... thanks for listening !

    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi

    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  2. #2
    Obie, could I fix ya a TUNA sandwich?


    At least you got lilacs...lightning struck our bush and it finally died out...grrrr!

    Was my Grandma's bush...had been in the family for generations...sighhhh...

    You're on the right track...keep hunting for positive things in your lives...

    and no giving up hope!

    Hugs and prayers,


  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    last house on the left
    I don' think you sound like an a****** at all. You sound tired, and that you have a right to be. I think it is hard to fight depression, and I battle it too, but one of the things I have done since I had to leave work is to set myself some "rules." No one would care if I enforce them or not, but I do because it helps keep me feeling a little more self-esteem and in control. I get out of bed by 9 am no matter what (unless sick). I take care of my breakfast and my cats. Ususally on Monday to Friday I have one appointment or another, so I build onto those appointments by having coffee afterwards, or simply going to the beach in warm weather and watching the waves for a bit. I do not allow myself to turn the TV on until 5 at the earliest, except on weekends when I might do a pay per view rental in the middle of the day. If Bill is T5 I am not sure why he is not helping you with some of the yardwork. I know he isn't exactly going to be mowing, but a bit of bush clipping or bagging seems within the realm of possibilites. Maybe he needs a bit of counselling for depression, or a peer support group that might motivate him? I think it is lovely that you are bringing lilacs, but he should be doing similar things for you too.

  4. #4
    Obieone, I am a t-10 para, 37 years post sci. There are many on cc who would move heaven and earth to have the residual abilities your husband (as a T-5) has. I think it would be best for him if more was demanded - I started feeling better about life in general as I needed to do more and more for myself. Sometimes if families do too much the sci person never discovers the satisfaction of achievement just lots of victimhood.

  5. #5
    Obi~ I know this is a tough time and has been a rough go for you and Bill. I imagine the two of you are feeling very lonely and lost without each other in the same house. And yes, kids can be brutally honest.

    Eileen has a good idea with her "rules". Might be a thought, eh?

    Hope today is better for all of you.
    Every day I wake up is a good one

  6. #6
    You sure have a lot on your plate Obi. I'm sending you a huge hug, and hoping today is a much better day for you!

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Pickering Ontario Canada

    Dear Obie

    I'm going to commiserate with you on the "Sad Saturday" It was an unexpectedly beautiful day here too. One of those days where Sean and I would have hopped in the truck (pre sci) and gone for a long drive ~ stopping at little shops or flea markets along the way. I'd have my feet up on the dash with a "timmy's" in my hand and he would be talking my ear off the whole way.

    Sean was in bed with a night bag full of blood and a full-blown bladder infection making him feel like he'd been hit by a truck, not on a carefree adventure in one.

    Saturday nights are the worst for some reason. The night when you most feel lonely.

    I dislike it when people say ~ at your/his level you/he should be doing so much more ~ higher levels would give anything to have what you/he has. No shit sherlock!! We all know that some have it worse and some have it better. That's the story of life.

    The truth is (from the little I know about your life) that you guys have been through tons! You've dealt with sci for 10 years. You renovated a home that you loved and lived there for years. You were forced to sell it for financial reasons. Now you live in your new home and Bill has to live with his mom while you renovate again and get it ready for him to move back in.

    Aside from all the rest of the stress "gems" that life hands us ~ that is a HUGE amount of stress.

    I'm sure Bill is depressed and desperately missing his family. He can't be there with you on a permanent basis at the moment. He probably feels guilty that you have to carry so much of the burden Maybe he's just got a case of the "who gives a shit, I'm just staying in bed" bug. Can't really blame him, but ~ that leaves you to handle everything. I'm sorry you are having to carry this huge burden, plus work two jobs.

    I can't offer any advice, just to let you know that I understand and feel the sadness that you feel.

    Lilacs are wonderful for lifting the spirits. They smell heavenly. I hope both yours and Bills spirits are lifted a little today.

    Last edited by shelley; 06-02-2008 at 06:13 AM.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Obie ... sometimes the NICE days are even worse than the crappy ones. I remember a discussion about that. I searched it out. SOrry Bill wasn;t out there to enjoy the day with you. You just reminded me that it is really nice here, and I am still sitting inside on this thing. LOL.
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  9. #9
    Senior Member canuck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    BC Canada
    Is he being treated for his depression, I say try & keep him as active as possible & read your mother in law the riot act about "babying him"

  10. #10
    Hang in there Obie.

    Be sure to cut some lilacs for yourself! Such a lovely smell, I wish they bloomed more than once a year.

    I know the hard days suck. And it's horrible to get the code words for leave me alone. Especially when you're working sooooooooo dang hard.

    Hang in there.
    Ugh, I've been kissed by a dog!
    Get some hot water, get some iodine ...
    -- Lucy VanPelt

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