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Thread: Vacation

  1. #1


    Well, I'm doing it. I bought a plane ticket to go home, (Virginia), in July, for two solid weeks. I've NEVER left Jack for that long, and I'm already extremely nervous, scared and feeling guilty. I have SO many thoughts running through my mind. What if....what if something happens and I'm not here? What if he gets sick? What if he develops a pressure sore? What if the vent malfunctions? What if he chokes while someone else is feeding him? What if they have him too close to the edge of the bed when turning him and and he falls off? OMG...I'm driving myself crazy, and realize it, but can't stop the constant flow of crap going through my head. Will I even be able to enjoy myself, with everything I'm thinking? I can tell when he needs suction, just by the sound of the vent... nobody else can.... and med times are ingrained in me... I rarely have to look at the clock to know when it's time....what if they forget? ...there's just too much to think about.
    I'm scared that I'm going to spend the whole time I'm there, worrying about what is or isn't getting done here... and the fact that he's going to be getting cared for by Staffing Agency emplyee's....yes, we both know & trust the ones who'll be covering for me.... but two whole weeks? Yikes.... there are no butterflies in my tummy...these are full grown birds....
    I acutally called the airline to see if I could cancel the tickets. Sure, but they're non refundable...Jack says not to worry....everything will be fine... but I know him way better than that... LOL. The closer it gets to the DATE...the more nervous he's going to get, and that makes me feel incredibly guilty....
    Do any of you ever feel that way? Do you feel guilty about leaving? Taking time for yourself? It's been five years, and I know I need some down time...but I don't remember HOW to do it... everything seems so daunting anymore... to the point that even going grocery shopping seems like a major chore. Am I even making any sense?
    Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. If any of you have any ideas how I can calm down and make this trip "ok" in my mind and heart, I'd be grateful to hear it.

  2. #2
    As a care receiver, C2/3 quad using a vent, I love it when those I care for, my parents for me, can get a break. I know they care for me just as much as you do for Jack. As you said, you know the routine by heart and have everything memorized and know all the noises and cues.

    On our end, we see all the work you do day after day without fail and are very grateful, but want to see you give time for yourself. After a break you are so much more rested and have taken care of yourself for a while and taken time off. There's nothing that says you can't call and see how everything is going at home. As you said, you know and can trust the people he will be with and that they can handle things.

    In the camp I volunteer at, I run into the same things with parents every year that are uneasy with leaving their often vent dependent child in the care of others. You can always call and check in to see how things are going and the people that will be taking care of him are very qualified individuals that can do everything that's needed.

    I know I'm not in your position, but this is very likely the same thinking your husband has. As people will say, not having a break will end up in getting over worked as well.
    Last edited by trainman; 05-21-2008 at 05:58 PM.
    C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

  3. #3
    Thank you for the response Trainman....and for the unique perspective that only you can offer. I really do appreciate it.
    I'm truly in awe of what you do. Where is the camp that you volunteer? If that's not being too personal? I realize that these are public boards, and some things shouldn't be discussed. And I also realize that most of you have been chatting on these forums for quite some time, and aren't very open to having newcomers posting.... So your reply was very important to me.... and I hope you realize that. Thank you...very much....

  4. #4
    Mama... just go on your vacation and enjoy yourself and don't feel like you have to justify it. After 5 years, you certainly deserve a break! Don't feel guilty, Jack will be fine.
    AB, Husband is c5-6 inc quad, 25 years post injury.

  5. #5
    Moderator Obieone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Hi Tiredmama ...... just very recently I went on a weekend girl get away with my Sis and two of my girls although my situation is not nearly as overwhelming as yours ..... Bill is a T5 para , somewhat independant and at the moment is living with his Ma until we get our renos done, But I still found it hard to do and had many of the same feelings you described.

    It's essential to take time for yourself .... its so worth the effort and more so in your case ..... your caring is intense and if you don't take a break now and then absolutely there will be burn out.

    I found dealing with the "guilt" one of the toughest issues to deal with where Bill's injury is concerned ..... it still follows me around like a bad dog but I've learned to manage it so it doesn't bite me in the butt like it once did.

    Go ..... for your own mental health and because your man wants you to ... deep down he knows you need to ...... I did a search and found a couple discussions related to this topic :

    Also there is another "private" forum you might try that one of our members Zillazangel started a while ago .... many of the carers there are married to vent dependant quads and can relate very well to your feelings ... here's the link :

    I'm really sorry for the slow response to your thread Tiredmama .... speaking for myself I'm working 2 jobs and trying to juggle 2 households yada yada yada (preaching to the choir here I know) sometimes reading CC takes a backseat ........ Caregiving is funny that way I know people are reading but I think just like you and I its just a matter of prioritizing and taking care of what needs to be done first ...... we'll come around sooner or later so please don't feel slighted !

    I do wish you the best ..... go .... have some well deserved r&r with your family ....... what will be will be .....

    Last edited by Obieone; 05-22-2008 at 09:22 AM.
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi

    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by TiredMama
    Where is the camp that you volunteer? If that's not being too personal? I realize that these are public boards, and some things shouldn't be discussed.
    Don't worry, I've posted everywhere about CHAMP Camp. It's based out of Indianapolis but is held on very accessible camping location called Recreation Unlimited about an hour north of Columbus, OH.
    C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

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