This is an incredible thread. Sometimes I feel alone in my struggles. AB people tell me to find something I enjoy. I keep looking but the things I enjoy are denied me because of my body. I have divorced since my accident and my children live 350 miles away. I spend 12 hours in the car to go get them so we can be together for 48 hours. That is the closest I feel to joy. I tried going out when I had some extra cash but I was always self-conscious about my spasms and body functions. I actually managed to have a conversation wuth a beautiful woman at a bar once, until I reach down to realize I had pissed all over myself. I was only 2 hours post cath and only had one beer. I think my problem is that I was always extrinsicly motivated. Without a job or family it's a lot harder now. It's only been 4 years. Maybe I'll change. I just can't imagine another 15 or 20 years like this. God bless everyone who has found happiness and help those of us who haven't found it yet.