Should i be paying child support?, if my child recieves ssdi?

[barondidit]

I live in Fl. my daughter lives in NY. which makes the systems working together al most impossable. Ny doesnt even have a number you can call in catskill(where my daughter lives) wher you can talk to a person.
I cant express how screwed up this system is. When i was half dead with 5 bulletes at 2 chest tubes for 4 months ,....rhab...blaw blaw blaw. . Anyway my Arears went up like 1500 during that time.
I started recieving SSI. They sent letters saying i didnt have to co operate with child support anymore.
Then i started recieving SSDI, giving me about a couple hundred dollars to live on. They also sent a letter that i WoULd have to start paying child support. After a couple montrhs of them taking over 450 dollars out of my check. i called NY and explained i need a trial by phone because of the change of my condition. I was granted it. The judge said of course i should be paying the minimum amount now. 50 dollars a month and 50 toward arrears. i Asked if this could be retro to when i was injured. The judge said only if my daughters mother said ok. She didnt. She was pissed she was even in court and im sure not happy my support was being lowered. SHE WAS ALLREADY RECIEVING %$) IN ssdi for a few months!! Needless to say she hates me.
I, NOR do i think the judge knew, judge knew, that she was recieving ssid through me. SHe recieves half of what i would get without deductions, which is 540.00 a month. Including the hundred i pay directly from my check she recieves 640.00 a month. A nine year old girl. Thats only a couple hundred less than what im given, a disabled adult.
This doesnt seem right.!
Im glad she is taken care of extemly well. hope so. My babys mother is coledge educated, Married with a husband that works and treats her as his own. Owns a house. They do well.
I am not doing well. I doubt 50 or 100 would put them in the poorhouse.
It would honestly make a big diiference to me though.
looking like a book now;sorry
Well im going down to the child support office.......once again Mon morning. Wll see what they say.
I just want to say that the child support system in this country IS SCREWED UP. I understand there are deadbeat dads(my dad was one...didnt matter, to me...i loved him much. i knew he was poor. anyway FOR THE normal dad the child support system makes life increibly hard. I cant even have a bank account!! They freeze it immiediatly because of this BULLSHIT ARREARS. Turns out i have a warrant for my arrest in ny too, They thought i havnt been paying child support in yearts. SHIT, it was coming directly out of my check EVERY MONTH! All of a sudden a few months ago they started taking 200 with no warning. They said it was a mix up. Took fur months to fix. Apparently Fl started taking 100 because they thought i wasnt paying ny???wtf man?? My ArREARS have gone up and up now because of some glitch or something!SUX:(
Sorry for the rant....if u can understand it......CONGRADULATIONS:)...maybe you can see how UNFAIR this is for me.:(
Any HELPFUL/POSITIVE ideas wanted
Thanks
BARON

[LaMemChose]

I believe in being supportive of each other here at CC. I also believe we should not blow smoke up each others' arses so I'm not going to blow it up yours now.

When one has enough money for decent smoke and a fast car, one can pay child support.

That your ex-g/f married a man who has a good income does not negate your responsibility as a father. That you receive x amount of SSDI and your child receives y, does not negate what you owe in child support.

It's expensive to raise a child. Just covering the basics (health insurance, medical and dental co-pays, food, clothing, school supplies, personal hygiene items, a place to live, utilities, transportation, childcare (if her Mom and Stepfather work) for your little girl will cost in excess of $640/month. This doesn't begin to take care of any "extras" like orthodonitics, should she need braces, or toys or sports in which she may wish to participate.

Yes, you were dealt a raw deal when you were shot. There is no denying that. Each of us here faces more day to day than most can imagine in a lifetime. We either deal and move on, make the best of what is left or we get stuck in thinking our lives totally blow so why bother?

That you're seriously considering pot farming as a career move (in another thread) is disheartening. However, should you invest in the hydroponics and lights and have your utility bills bump enough to grow weed, the DEA and local LEOs will find you. Yes, they watch things like power bills. When you're busted you won't have to worry about your money anymore. You'll get three hots, a cot and jailhouse healthcare.

Dude, you're young. You may be paralyzed, but you have your hands and arms. You can work, can have as full a life as you decide to make for yourself. You recently mentioned studying to get your GED. Good move. Go for it. Don't stop at that diploma.

Find what you love and do it. Instead of talking about the college ed your ex-g/f has, get with voc rehab and get a degree of your own. Once you have an education it's something no one can ever take from you.

If you don't like where you are and how it's going, work to make positive changes. Growing pot is not a good career move. Anyone who does it for any length of time gets busted and/or held up/shot/killed for herb.

You may not get to choose your body, but you get to choose your life.

Support your little girl by paying what you're due to pay each month. Show her what her life can be by making the best one possible for yourself.

I wish you and your daughter the best.

[watchthisbaby]

If you sincerely believe there has been a mix-up with your support, take every piece of documentation you have with you. I have absolutely no idea what protocal is in in your state, but typically with government entities if it isn't written down it didn't happen. I can only guess you will probably need;tax statements from the last 2 yrs, bank statements, ssi/ssdi paperwork, documentation of your hospitalization/rehab, and any Ct ordered support paperwork.
It has already been stated how expensive it is to raise a child in a healthy manner, so I won't.
I will say that I was a little suprised when I opened the thread and saw that that you started it. Honestly it was because of the prior car thread you had started. I'm sure you love the car, and I agree that you need reliable transportation. I think the system doesn't allow you alot of room to set yourself up foe success (IMO).
I would hope that your heart is to do what is in the best interest of your daughter though. I admire you for keeping it real about your dad. Your able to say "ya he was a deadbeat" and "I loved him so much". I'm guessing on this, but it sounds like you lived with your mother. If your mom didn't receive support, that must have been a big load for her.
I'm gonna give you the real on the farming, forget it. LaMemChoas gave you good info on the light bill. Maybe you might have been able to pull it off for a minute, but you have now already posted info online for the entire world to see. So everybody already knows your business, and it's not legal. Go to some kind of school if you can (you gotta ride there).
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, this isn't my intent

[cvelusc]

I've tried not to post, but I feel obligated as the majority of your posts read as "woe is me." Any government (US, Canadian, etc) will not provide you with an income that you deem as appropriate. You are going to have to improve your own life through diligence and hard work. I would suggest going back to school ASAP otherwise you may never get ahead financially, and will most assuredly consider jaded by the system for not being presented with enough money. And if you acquire a felony for drug possession/distribution/etc, then I believe your existing SSDI benefits will be stripped. However, I would urge you to research the legalities yourself...

[24/7 Quad]

What I could do if only I was a para instead of a quad.....

[ancientgimp]

I think your number one priority in life should be to make sure your daughter knows you love her. Be in contact with her as much as humanly possible. After that you may want to think about getting in contact with voc rehab to start investigating what kind of job you can prepare for.

[barondidit]

Let me just say i bought my car out of the money victims comp. granted me. I cant remember the last time i had enough money to fill it with gas though. I honestly struggle and i thought that the money my daughter recieves should cover my child support. She gets more than she did before i was shot. Someone on thisforum is actually the one wh told me i shouldnt be payng if ssdi does.
I unerstand it takes alot of money to raise a child. I do.
I stepped out of my childs life from the age of 4-7 completly, except paying child support. It was the worse decision i EVER made. I couldnt handle having a relationship with her because of m own demons at the time.
After being shot 5 times and actally living through it,i fealt there was a reason or it. The most imprtant thing i thought was that "my daughter knew me and knew i loved her. Thankfuly her mother let me start my relationship over with her. i now talk to her regularly(shouldbe more) and our relationship is growing. i only wish i saw her more and am considering daily moving back up north to be closer to her.
DAMN:( do all my posts sound like woe is me? i hoped not but fuck, woe IS me. im going though the hardest thing imaginable(sci) and ifi shouldnt be paying that 100 a month cause the govt know i need it to eat than im not. I wish i could. As YOU all ADVISE, I Am taking the first steps to furthering my education ...getting a better a good job....relieving my financial stress.....being able to buy my daughter whatever she likes. Its gonna start with some remiedial math classes so i can pass the g.e.d. i know,.... sad. Then start with voc rehab n all. Seems daunting. One thing i know is it gonna take some time. Also seems like i should take advantage of any government assistance and loopholes to help me do so. Why, if not if i payed taxes half y life to gt them

[kkmay]

Hope you get your stuff straight.

[Art454]

Your child should get 1/2 of what you get in ssdi.....if you get 1000 a month your child gets 500....and the 500 does not come off your 1000 dollars either....so you should not have to pay any outa pocket unless you make alot more money on the side...on the side I mean a annuity or interest or any other income. How it is in Michigan.
Only other thing I pay outa pocket is 50 percent of medical bills not covered by her insurance....which see remarried and her husband has insurance for him as she is to lazy to work.
I think something is messed up with your deal....hell she not gona complain if she gets to much...I would call the court back and complain or get a lawyer in NY and find out what the laws are in that state.
Art

[cass]

SSDI does not depend on income. child support does. try being a single, quad parent. and working and in pain.

i hope you get yourself in a responsible position as a parent. i know it's tough, but you and your daughter deserve it.

but more important is maintaining a relationship with your daughter. don't ever let money interfere with that and never bring it up with her.

[rdf]

Your little girl should be your most desired responsibility. I've read some of your posts, and it seems you need to grow up a a little barondidit.

Being a man means more than acting like a tough guy, it means providing for the life you created. Baby girls are more precious than most anything on this Earth. I'm sure you'll realize that in the months or years to come.

Do what you can to provide for your baby girl. If you don't get along with her mother, avoid communication not relating to the support of your baby.

Remember, she'll one day grow up, and you don't want her to think of you as a deadbeat, or as a person she dislikes.

good luck to you and your family

[LaMemChose]

It's great you're involved in your daughter's life again. Good going, Baron.

I'm a total Daddy's girl and cannot imagine how my life would have been without him. The same goes for my Mom, too.

Kudos to you for returning to your studies, for working to earn your GED. It seems others have given you good advice in this thread, especially Cass and rdf.

What you're doing (paying child support, re-establishing the relationship with your daughter and getting an education) may seem insurmountable, but just take it a step at a time. Slow and steady will win the race.

Hang in, Baron. You can do it.

[quartermile]

Here is the hard truth. You have a sci...like most of us. You can sit around and wine with your hand out and wait for it to get better or you can get out and make it better for yourself and your child. Nobody is going to help you or her, not to the point of making any difference in either of your lives.

The government wants you to be dependent on them. Be dependent on yourself and both of you will benefit in the long run.

Sorry to be so harsh, but thats life. I broke my neck back in '93 and its has been an uphill battle but it is very doable...many folks here are living proof.

You have the right idea by going back to school. Just dont dick around doing it. Get it done and do it right. Dont listen to Voc Rehab and go into a trade, go get a professional degree. They will pay for it either way and its only one more year for you in school. It will pay for itself over the years.

Good luck.

[cvelusc]

I Am taking the first steps to furthering my education
That is spectacularly good news. Please let me know if there's any information regarding education that I can research for you. Like you said, definitely going to take awhile, but you are moving in a very positive manner.

Best wishes!

[rdf]

Dont listen to Voc Rehab and go into a trade, go get a professional degree. They will pay for it either way and its only one more year for you in school. It will pay for itself over the years. I concur, from personal experience. Go for a BA or BS degree in an area that interests you. Computer Sciense or MIS, or any IT related degree should afford you the salary and health coverage needed in this day and age. It's how I did it. I was a journeyman plasterer when I was injured, something I could never do again.

Think of your future, time truly does fly by much too fast, and we usually don't even notice. But one day, you'll be saying, how did I get so old? Hopefully when you reach that age, you will have had a good career and a 401K and personal savings, etc.

Good luck

[barondidit]

thanks for the insight. all.
I would never talk to my daughter about money, or most any of my problems. that would be wrong. I also dont/wont put her mother down. Honestly she is a good mother to her im sure. She was 7 years older,i 19, when my daughter was concieved. she was ready i wasnt.
Yea i still have some growin up to do. Honestly this site helps that .:) Tryin to stay young forever though. The years do fly by. Just turned 30 .yikes!. ANyway....I think i am gonna sell my car. I could use the extra cash right now...for b.c. ...j/k....maybe;)

[mossberg531]

Thats messed up. I live in GA and my daughter does also. When I went to court they lowered my support to what SSDI was paying her mom. I only had a little back amount to pay and they only set it at 70 a month. Maybe it was because it was in the same state. There should be something with the states that the should be on the same page.

[justadildo]

as a father, who stepped up and supported my girls pre and post injury..i've earned the right to say : if you have to go hungry, go hungry..if you have to go w/o cable tv for a summer, turn it off..there is no "limit" to our responsibility..step up and stop whining like a bitch..it is important that our daughters have examples of strong men, SO THEY AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WEAK ASS PUSSIES, WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM LIKE THEY DESERVE, EVERYTIME THERES A LITTLE BUMP IN LIFE...........

[SoFla]

as a father, who stepped up and supported my girls pre and post injury..i've earned the right to say : if you have to go hungry, go hungry..if you have to go w/o cable tv for a summer, turn it off..there is no "limit" to our responsibility..step up and stop whining like a bitch..it is important that our daughters have examples of strong men, SO THEY AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WEAK ASS PUSSIES, WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM LIKE THEY DESERVE, EVERYTIME THERES A LITTLE BUMP IN LIFE...........
I will never forget the day our teenaged daughter and foster daugher said to my husband, "How are we ever going to find a man when you have set the bar so very high for us?" I'm certain that your girls will be equally selective when it comes to chosing a life parter. You are one sexy man, dildo!!!

[smirking1]

justadildo...............your post will most definitely incite civil unrest here, but I applaud you man. The good guys that step up and toe the line do not receive much credit it seems, but you are a good guy.

[metronycguy]

child support is different in every state nys is particular harsh.
nys it goes to 21 years old and you have to pay for college even if you have no degree yourself, or high profile job. My family in Georgia couldn't believe it went till 21. it is messed up , even in they are in the army reserves, you still have to pay till 21 in ny, WTF.
18 is cool, but after 18 , that should be voluntary ,

[cvelusc]

justadildo...............your post will most definitely incite civil unrest here, but I applaud you man. The good guys that step up and toe the line do not receive much credit it seems, but you are a good guy.
Tough words, but they needed to be said. Glad he did.

[barondidit]

from all the pms igot from peope who dont want to be flamed. i am not alone. Maybe alone pointing out that the child support system IS fuckd up and wont even fix their own mistakes. The freakin judge lauphed and aid "guess he wont be going snowboarding anymore"when hefound out i had sci and needed it lowered. FUCK HIM!...n i went surfing las weekend sooooooooo go fuck yourself AGAIN. then die u scumbag jdge piece of shit. Owwww sooorrry.
Week pusssy???lol hardly....complaining yes.
I havnt had cable for seven years or more now btw. nor do i listen to public radio. Its a waste to me.
I DO GO HUNGRY.....for tooo fuckin long now too!. Not when my daughter IS recievieving more child support than ever from ssdi BECAUSE I GOT SHOT.
The money i get from ssdi is gone hundreds over just in rent, prescriptions and cell phone. .Thats before a drop of food, gas, insurance, or ANYTHING OF TH E MANY THINGS A PARA NEEDS TO LIVE HEALTHY. I hustle Everyday to eat/live. with those 7-800 dollar bills i have to pay listed above, i must hustle
(work) pretty fuckin hard.
LEt me say again...my 9 year old daughter gets almost as much money as i...a disabed adult. Yet they still want me to pay too! Thats fucked!

[barondidit]

btw the same judge who . ...when my daughters mother got up in court(previously sci) and yelled hes the bigest RUG dealer in woostock!!"/ he just muttered,,eh, hes gotta pay child spport somehow" lolgod!

[lynnifer]

..there is no "limit" to our responsibility....it is important that our daughters have examples of strong men, SO THEY AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WEAK ASS PUSSIES, WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM LIKE THEY DESERVE, EVERYTIME THERES A LITTLE BUMP IN LIFE...........

Thank you so much for saying this. People don't realize how important it is for daughters to have good male role models.

I never wonted for anything financially, but the cost was that my father was never there. It's like talking to a stranger today.

[Tiger Racing]

as a father, who stepped up and supported my girls pre and post injury..i've earned the right to say : if you have to go hungry, go hungry..if you have to go w/o cable tv for a summer, turn it off..there is no "limit" to our responsibility..step up and stop whining like a bitch..it is important that our daughters have examples of strong men, SO THEY AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WEAK ASS PUSSIES, WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM LIKE THEY DESERVE You're right. You've earned the right to offer these words to another father. Sounds like your daughters have the right to be proud of their father, too. I bet it was hard for you, but as a daughter, I can tell you that your words ring true. My dad spent equal time teaching his daughters to choose well for themselves and to be able to take care of themselves. It's good to know that I could if I had to, but it's really nice to have a man around who reminds me of my dad.

C.

[Tiger Racing]

from all the pms igot from peope who dont want to be flamed. i am not alone. Of course you're not alone. That doesn't mean you're right.

The freakin judge lauphed and aid "guess he wont be going snowboarding anymore"when hefound out i had sci and needed it lowered. FUCK HIM!Now this, you're right about. That guy is fucked up. Still doesn't mean that you shouldn't support your daughter. SCI or not.

The money i get from ssdi is gone hundreds over just in rent, prescriptions and cell phone. .Thats before a drop of food, gas, insurance, or ANYTHING OF TH E MANY THINGS A PARA NEEDS TO LIVE HEALTHY. I hustle Everyday to eat/live. with those 7-800 dollar bills i have to pay listed above, i must hustle Here's the thing, I understand that you are still relatively new to this injury and I spent some time myself adjusting before I got back to school and back to work, but the bottom line is that you need to do just that. Go ahead and keep bitching, but if you've got a kid to take care of, it's about time to quit depending on the government and get off your butt and get a job. Or at least get back to school and work towards a career.

LEt me say again...my 9 year old daughter gets almost as much money as i...a disabed adult. Yet they still want me to pay too! Thats fucked! What's fucked is that you want to sit around and let those of us who work for a living pay for you and your child. Yeah, I get that you worked before your injury, but for how long? Do you think that makes it OK to never work again? I worked before MY injury and I work now. That means that I'm the one supporting you and your kid in the long run if you don't get off your butt and get back to it and that's not OK. You are young and healthy and there is no good reason for you not to get a freakin' J.O.B.

What message do you want to send to your daughter? Seriously. Play out the dialogue in your head and picture how that will shape her future. Gods forbid she is ever injured the way you have been, but if she is, what do you want her to do with her life? What kind of role model are you at this point? It's a parent's job to live the life that they would hope their children to live. Or at least to try. How hard are you trying?

C.

[barondidit]

I worked..payed taxes. Since 15....so half my life. Is that good enough for YOU lol.tiger. i dont deserve ssdi? or my child? whateve.
Nawthe judge's words mean nothing except how corrupt the system is, and justa minor insight into the b.s.
Regardless of how,ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW, SHE IS getting supported by ME GETTING INJURED....by my/our taxes payed. Why make it harder forme?I just dont see th logic in all this.
I am not some deadbeat dad, owing years ofsupport or something. I worked and paid child support since her birth, and only fell behind when got shot and was half dead. wtf?....o yea lifes not fair

[Tiger Racing]

lifes not fair
No, it's not and whining about it won't change a damned thing. I repeat, what message do you want to send to your child? I hope this isn't it.

C.

[barondidit]

"whining" about it IS actually gonna change things . Maybe not here, but in court it will be a different story. Things ARE fucked up here, they HAVE made misakes. They should be corrected. The message im sending to my daughter ...in the future is... Dont be GREEDY,coldhearted and spiteful.(like her mother, but of course i wont mention her) its not nice..

[cass]

hey. her mother doesn't make the laws.

i have never received child support from my son's dad. why? because i worked and paid for us, and never wasted my time going to court asking him. and guess what? i can be thrown in jail for this. i am not asking for my child's legal rights. you wanna talk about f'ed up?? :p

hang in there. do the right thing. it'll be worth it. your daughter will be grown and gone before you know it.

[Tiger Racing]

The message im sending to my daughter ...in the future is... Dont be GREEDY,coldhearted and spiteful.(like her mother, but of course i wont mention her) its not nice..
You're gonna screw up your kid with that attitude. Don't for a moment think that you are hiding how you feel about her mother from her. Kids aren't adorable idiots. They know these things. And based on what you've said in this thread alone, it's bloody ironic that you try to point the finger at your child's mother with this "GREEDY,coldhearted and spiteful" crap.

C.

[cass]

You're gonna screw up your kid with that attitude. Don't for a moment think that you are hiding how you feel about her mother from her. Kids aren't adorable idiots. They know these things. And based on what you've said in this thread alone, it's bloody ironic that you try to point the finger at your child's mother with this "GREEDY,coldhearted and spiteful" crap.

C.

i ditto that. despite my son's dad never paying a dime, my son has picked up on his dad calling me names and, at this point, they don't even talk. i find this sad.

[barondidit]

Those are just bad attributes in general. IM smart enough not to bring her mother into it. A;though she is self addmitedly MANY of those things.
Yea children are not adorable idiots. It wouldnt surprise me if she found these things to be true all by herself later in life. As i and so many of her exs found out, after while. All i can say is im soooooo glad i didnt marry that woman. TRUSTME I HAVE MANY HORRID STORIES i wont slander her with. to any one especially my daughter.
I really dont see why some seem to be soooooo againt me. Its pretty clear cut. I worked all my life so i could get ssdi . My daughter recieves more than ever now recieving ssdi. I am trying to start my life over, and taking more money from my check is unneeded and unhelpful. Yes as MANY have said it takes alot of money to raise a child. She IS doing fine as r her brother sister and new husband in the house we bought which i gave to her upon splitting up. Their thoughts are of what vacation to take next or which type of organic 8 dollar a box pasta to eat.
While mine are on will i have a dollar 2 my name t eat at th end of the month.
SHE(AFTER BEING SPITEFUL after my injury) has even seen how fucked up the child support system IS. once your in , u cant get out though, and says she can do nothing about it.
whateve. id made peace with this whole topic now. 100 isnt gonna kill me. Its the thousands a mnth i need that might. im glad to know she is taken care of.

[justadildo]

damn...all these years and nobody told me that there was a limit to what i owed my kids for bringing them into this world...and DOH!, all this time and i could have let the "new husband" pay my kid's way..thank goodness your ex has a new husband, your daughter needs someone to take care of her...i hope he isn't as jealous and bitter about you, as you are he..that would suck for her....

....i'm not claiming i've always been the best dad i could be, but damn dude, portraying your kid as such a burden is sad....i'd live in a nursing home again if it meant my kids got more help...how you can put a limit on parental responsibility whether financial or otherwise, is just friggen sad...even more sad, i doubt your injury has a damn thing to do with your opinion, i'm sure it was the same pre-injury its just you have a new excuse to be the minimum requirement.......and before you blame the system, why does the system have to tell you your responsibilities as a dad ?...i mean donor...

[barondidit]

Just another excuse????LOL!.....is that what this looks like??
Nope, i had to go to court like everyone else who gets an sci. Otherwize THEY WOULD STILL bE TAKING OUT.....HALF or more of my check i nEED TO LIVE!........rediculous.

[metronycguy]

as i said before nys is very harsh for child support.
how many stated make you pay increased child support when their child is over 18 . how many states make you pay child support when the "child" has joined the army reserves and received a signing bonus.
nys had me pay all of the above and increased my child support when i got injured and was unable to work, and the child was over 18 , had a job and had been out of high school for over a year and and didnt decide to go to college, until they realized that they could get me to pay for college too, on top of the child support .
nys is very fuc^&ed up, dont put him down because he will have to deal with the horrible system for a long time.
i was in the military at 17 so it wasnt like a had a life of privilege.