View Full Version : Mom sucks, should I ask for more financially, I'm getting screwed
01-16-2008, 06:03 PM
I am a little over three years post and I get between $750-$800 a month Social Security. I live with my mom and I have always signed over my checks to her without asking for anything, at first I didn't know any better as I felt like crap and had other things to worry about. But now that the $18,000 that was raised for me to buy a van has been depleted because I have spent some of it on things like clothes, smaller exercise equipment, and other things that I don't "need" but are very useful I feel like I am getting screwed. Now were not rich but there are a lot of things that my mom has gotten that most mothers would not get if it meant the money could be spent to better their kids for life, and I know I'm getting screwed for that reason. But Amaya entitled to any of that Social Security money, because I know that I have to do for sure give a vast majority of the two her for rent and bills. My mom also receives a lot of money for care that she does for me, which isn't much anymore. My mom's idea of cooking is using a microwave and throwing frozen food in the oven. I plan on moving out once I get a little more independent.
01-16-2008, 06:37 PM
Ok, If I understand correctly, the checks are YOUR social security checks, but you sign them over to your mother? Does she ALSO get an ammt paid to be your caregiver(some states will do this, some won't)?
I'd recommend having a sit down discussion with her that you're now in a better position to handle your own finances and want control of your SS checks. I'd say that being that you live with her and are an adult, unless you plan on moving out, it'd only be right to continue to contribute financially to household expenses. BUT you should be able to have an adult discussion with her over what the expenses are and what she needs you to help with, then you can manage your money as you see fit. It might not be a bad idea to get a financial advisor involved to help with investments if you're planning on doing something like that. If you get SSI/Medicaid you have to be aware of asset limits on your accounts. Your mother may already know about this and may have been keeping an eye on this with your funds, you may want to talk to her about this as well...BUT I do think that you should have access to your own money...However I also don't think you should leave your mom high & dry, you've been contributing financially to the household this long.
Others may have some more guided advice on how to approach her OR how to get the checks BACK into your name alone....but hopefully I've helped some....
BTW, to get this into the right forum, just ask a mod to move it into the Work, School, Money forum...THey'll happily do so for you...
01-16-2008, 08:26 PM
First of all, stop signing your checks over to her. You have control of this. Open a bank account in your name, and get your SS checks direct deposited there (it is much safer). Under no circumstances make this account a joint account with her.
Sit down with your mother above, and arrange to pay her rent and reasonable expenses monthly by writing her a check from your account above. If she is unwilling to negotiate on this, you probably will need to make plans to move out, get your own place, and arrange for someone else to help with homemaking and any personal care you need.
Who is paying your mother to provide your care? If it is a state funded PCA program, most have audits and spot checks to assure that you are getting the care the person is being paid to provide. You can report that this is not the case, and they will cut the pay or possibly even eliminate her from the program for possible Medicaid fraud.
I assume you are on both Medicaid and Medicare? If you have open access to the money for your van, how is that allowing you to still be Medicaid eligible? Unless it is in a trust or some other way controlled, it would be counted as assets and put your Medicaid eligibility at jeopardy (also SSI unless it is SSDI you are getting).
If your mother is taking your money without your consent, she may be guilty of financial abuse. In most states people with disabilities are in a protected class (along with children and the elderly) and financial abuse is taken pretty seriously. If nothing else works, you can make a report to Adult Protective Services and they will investigate.
None of this is easy with a family member. You may need to ask your physician to refer you to a community agency or social worker who can support you through this and help you.
01-16-2008, 09:50 PM
The fund money is in a bank somewhere else and controlled by somebody else. I know the person well enough that when I ask for a certain amount send it. From what I know with SS money, or at least the amount I get I have to give a certain amount to her but I don't know how much. I guess I should find out. The reason I get the amount I get is to pay my share in rent. You're right that I need to sit down with her, but I don't because I Re: know what she's going to say and that is that she uses ALL of it to pay for bills, food, any medical supplies that insurance and Medicaid and Medicare won't pay for. And she does pay the high speed Internet bill. It's just that there are unnecessary things said she'll spend money on that could be used on things that would be useful for me.
01-16-2008, 09:51 PM
Thanks for the advice, I will look into some of it.
01-17-2008, 02:05 PM
how old are you?
1 Fine Spine RN
01-17-2008, 05:30 PM
Please talk to your mother, and it would help as Scott asked, to know your age.
01-17-2008, 08:35 PM
I think you might be looking at your situation wrong. Because 800.00 is not very much money to live on. Once you start to look at your expenses like rent, electric, water, food and health care and supplies you might realize your mother is giving you a deal.
You might need to look into seeing if you can fine some work without losing your benefits.
01-17-2008, 10:46 PM
If I'm reading your first post correctly, you chose to spend funds designated for a vehicle on clothes and exercise equipment. That was your choice, not your Mom's. If you're angry now that much of that money is gone you can only be angry with yourself.
As for $800 per month, I don't know how you could live on that. Unless you are in some sort of government supported housing, you'll be hard pressed to live on it. Even with public housing, $800 doesn't go very far.
Have you asked your Mom about the bills? About seeing just where your money goes?
Have you determined what your individual expenses are before complaining to your Mom about where the money goes?
Have you determined your individual monthly expenses were you to live alone in your own place? You'd need to consider rent, utilities (electric, gas, water, cable, Internet service, phone), food, transportation, insurance, medical necessities not covered by insurance, assistance to help you and maintain your home, clothing, grooming (haircuts, etc.), personal care items of a non-medical nature, entertainment, household supplies, etc.
If you decide to get your own place you'll also need depositis for all utilities and generally a deposit on an apartment.
I haven't lived on $800 a month since I was in college and that was better than two decades ago. Things were much cheaper. Even so, I had my tuition, books and other supplies, room and board covered by scholarships as well as spending money courtesy of my family. That roughly $800/month came from a part-time job.
You have a right to handle your own money. You have a right to know how and where it is being spent. Just don't be too terribly surprised when it doesn't go as far as you might expect each month.
01-18-2008, 01:10 PM
I am 22. I bought clothes because I didn't have any, and I didn't go to the gap to buy them. By exercise equipment I don't mean big expensive machines, just smaller stuff. I went to a wedding I was in with my brother and I paid for gas, hotel. Little stuff like this over three years have added up. I know bills cost a lot. It's just that there's things my mom spends money on she doesn't need. When I was in seventh grade, which was years before by SCI, my mom bought a $4000 piano. No one in our family, me, my brother, or my mom know how to play the piano. My situation is a bad bad, I've got a pretty good and I don't mean to complain too much. I guess the best answer is to move out which I plan on doing within the next year.
01-18-2008, 02:36 PM
Bunkalar, just checked your profile and you're a student. Is there anyway you can live on campus? It'd be a way to get your feet wet living alone and continue your education. Much of what you need to survive should be available on campus.
Yes, expenditures here and there add up over three years. So the money did not go for a vehicle. Cars are expensive to maintain and operate. Unless you have decent income coming in on a regular basis, a car of your own may be cost prohibitive until you are out of school.
From what you said about the piano, sounds like Mom has issues, eh? Handling your own money is usually best, just be aware that it goes quickly. If you've spent much of the $18,000 on clothes and incidentals over three years, it'd be just as easy to spend what you get each month without covering the necessities.
Before moving out, make a budget and stick to it while you are living with your Mom. It'll help when you are on your own and are dependent upon yourself.
How much longer do you have in school?