How do you decide to call it quits?

[lynnifer]

No I'm not quitting my job. Not if I can help it. I love my job. Unfortunately, because I spend so much time there, I've almost let it define me. I'm either working shift, sleeping to work a shift, or keeping my feet up to stave off swelling so I can work a shift, or running errands/medical appointments on my days off, or grocery shopping for work ... lol. David works steady midnights. We never go anywhere because we don't have time, or I'm not up to it and this year it's been financial reasons. We haven't been on vacation together since 2000 or 2001, save for a stopover in Niagara Falls two years ago for a work related conference (the hotel wasn't accessible and I had to come home after driving all day to York Region with a hurt back from transferring 180 degrees in a normal bathroom). I have time to fix one or two healthy meals for David and I throughout the week and hope there's enough for leftovers to bring to work. We have take out the day after I finish my four midnight shifts. It never ends .. but I enjoy staying busy.

But I've had the worst year for sick time. Three wounds on my left foot are morphing into one large one, then my ankle. My right foot saw my heel get better, then crack open, now it looks a bit better again. My right side wound is much better all of a sudden, as of tonight - excellent colour and tissue formation! My right ankle gets better then worse and doesn't stray from its cycle, although I had it healed one time more than a year ago. I also have two open spots on that thin tissue thing I call my arse - oh sure it's big (shut up) but still boney as hell. Add this to Endometriosis (which had seemed to get better on its own as I've had a good summer) - until a week ago full blown pain and fatigue. Last week I had the flu and my lungs really hurt. The one thing I've noticed this year is that I when I've had a week off, I'm really enjoying being away from work. By the end of the week I feel strong and healthy again - within forty work hours in four days that feeling diminishes.

The point is that I'm getting sicker and it's becoming more difficult to keep up with everything. I always knew I would never make it to 30 years of working - not when I was paralyzed at 12 years old and started shift work at 21 (5 years) when I was at the hospital then (been 8 years with my current job of shift work). It's unfortunate that it happened so young for the reasons I'm stating now.

Management approached me and wanted to know if I'd be interested in a modified shift schedule that would be more steady. The Association (like our union) said not to worry they're changing lifetime maximums on our coverage because of my situation (I'm at 10,000 and the coverage goes until $25,000). They also said they would work into the contract (we're negotiating this year) a part-time position that would enable me to keep benefits. My supervisor is horrid mad at her managers and wants me to come off the rotation and pretty much work straight days so she could work my rotation - she says it would be temporary but I'm hard lined to believe her .. she can be quite sneaky. I told her I'd have a hard time paying for my condo on part-time wages (she has a gambling problem) and she had the nerve to tell me, "Well I don't want to be cruel but it's not like you're going to live another twenty years." It's important to note that she's not well liked at all by the officers. I'm told that 'I know what I'm doing' by the officers. I like to think ahead of them on the radio and have stuff when they need it .. etc etc .. my evaluations are always good save for the sick time the last four years, progressively getting worse. For the first six months of this year, I was here the least, but finished the most work - save for another dispatcher who was off sick for the first three months which is more than myself; she also had the least work. Can you believe they monitor us like this but oh yes they do!

I don't know what to do other than ... two more years of this. With ten years, my pension becomes 'vested' (whatever that means - hey I'm middle aged and don't care about such things yet). Then I can see about a more steady shift (I've been begging for this for years as I'm not the only one getting sicker in dispatch but no one listens!) OR, I can work part-time but I'll have a helluva time paying for my condo on half my current pay plus I'll be bouncing all over shifts covering vacations etc, although with more time off - I'm not sure Canada Pension Disability Plan pays for someone who's still working at all. OR I could go off completely and have short term, then long term (66.6% of current pay) disability. Completely off work, I'd be eligible then to apply for Canada Pension Disability Plan which would be based on my years of full time work and their 'magic formula lol' and can max out to $1200 - I looked into it and the average given monthly was $750 per month - yikes. Having that and my long term disability from work would probably be more pay than what I earn now. I'm told that Canada Pension Disability Plan can't be touched once it's paid out - but I have yet to confirm that.

How sad is that, that I could have more money by staying home? But the stubborn Scottish lass in me (Grandfather was born in Brecchin and my last name is notoriously English), I wish to remain as normal as long as possible. That means being in the rotation, just one of the regulars. I don't want to kill myself in the process though. David took a second job in February, tinkering with electronics and fixing appliances - but people just buy brand new anymore so it isn't paying much. His boss is currently $500 behind in paying for him, affecting his planned trip back to England and pushing it from September to October. Thankfully, he just enjoys the tinkering (his greatest talent is in fixing things - that's why I kept him LOL! kidding) so he sticks with it, besides his regular job (local newspaper factory). He was so disappointed to be passed over for a job earlier this year at his regular job (probably because he missed a lot of time two years ago while he was in alcoholic rehab) - so was I disappointed - because I was going to phase myself into part time at my own job and he had agreed. To be really honest, I was daydreaming about having a baby too and I would have been able to get healthier working less - but it wasn't meant to be. I've propositioned him about buying the appliance fixing business from his boss ... but he maintains that no one fixes things anymore and it would be a sinking ship. I say not .. but we continue discussions on this.

I spoke to my GP about this last month and he agreed that it was unfortunate this happened so young to me. I'm feeling the effects of shift work + chronic paralysis far too young. He noted my story in the paper earlier this year and encouraged me to follow being a 'paid lobbyist' for the government and health care. hmph January 2008 sees me taking online courses from the University of Waterloo so that's another avenue I can maybe explore but tuition is expensive as hell! An added bonus is that work will pay for almost any course I take which is terrific, but you must cover it up front and pass it. lol

I guess what I'm asking is how are others managing? I know there aren't many of us (if at all) working shift work. Paralyzed young, etc.

I wanted to go to fifteen years full time, twenty would have made me ecstatic ... but I don't feel it's going to happen and may have to settle for ten, then part-time or whatever it is ... I just don't want to give up working totally because I'll go completely bonkers if I'm at home all the time. Seriously, I really will.

:mad: This is why it's frustrating, to me, that there have been no curative therapies - not one single damn improvement - in more than two decades of slow-progressing research. I know that it will cost me my life. Right now it's just affecting it more than it has in the past and it's pissing me off!

[lynnifer]

Gawd I can ramble. Sorry. lol Midnight shift and I'm finished my work. No one's doing anything criminal at 6am Monday morning! lol

[ginamarie]

Are you sure that you can get both LTD and Canadian Disability Pension? In the US, that is generally not the case. If someone collects SSDI, normally they deduct that amount from the LTD to keep people from making more money off work than working.

Also, I can tell you that I know several appliance repairmen from being a realtor and they are doing very well. Family owned businesses. You could stop working, have David buy the business from his boss and you could run the office part of it while he is out repairing. Taking phone calls, making appts. keeping the books, etc. That will certainly keep you busy and there is no way that David can do it all by himself. One way to get business here is when people sell their houses they often sell the house with a one year warranty. If something breaks like an appliance, the warranty company has repairmen that they contract with to fix them. Do you have that in Canada? The repairmen get a ton of business from that alone.

[shelley]

You may want to confirm with your disability plan re: the CPP. Sean receives the maximum from CPP, but it is deducted from the 60 whatever percent he gets from his long term disability. This may or may not be the case with your plan. He was with the Toronto District School Board. The two together end up being pretty much the same as what he was bringing home while working full-time, because of the way he's taxed now I guess. I was quite panicked thinking we had to live off of 60% of his salary, but it's not ended up to be that bad. You also receive it once a month instead of bi-weekly (how he used to be paid) ~ I find it a little harder to budget.

I'm sorry for what you're going through at work. I have a very good friend who worked for Toronto Police dispatch for many years. She is a healthy person, and the shift work and stress of the job still took a toll on her. The burn-out rate in that job is huge. She ended up able to do job-share because she had younger kids, and that worked very well for her for a long time. She has now transferred into another area and works straight days.

Is it possible that you could move into a different department and do more of a 9-5 type job?

It sounds like you are carefully investigating all your options. Don't let them push you into doing anything you don't want to do. Obviously you have been a very valuable employee.

Take care, I wish you all the best in your decision-making.


Shelley

[Andy]

Not paralysed young and not falling apart yet here, but after 2 weeks of swapping to the evening shift for the guy on vacation that just concluded I thought I'd throw my .02 here...

Get off the shift changing! First 2 days were uggh for me. Then adjusting the body clock took a week, of course with a SCI body things got annoying for a day or two, had to hit up the pharmacutical stash to compensate for things. Today I said f-it, I'm not going in after concluding the last evening day last Saturday...need 2 days to revert being up at 5:30, even though the schedule was goofed up with me working 6 days this week, and I'm a greedy bastard to not pass that up. Maybe I'll claim today was vacation time so I get the overtime anyway, but we'll see if that'll slide under the door or not. But getting back to you...I'll bet the shit youre dealing with might get much better dealing with a normal schedule if my observations of how I'm able to handle bouncing around at work recently hold any merit. A body with SCI doesnt like change, and if you are doing it regularly, I dont know how youre pulling that off. You probably are wondering how youre doing it as well. Maybe start hammering the powers that be for a non-rotating shift, seems like that would be a start to a solution to see how things react?

At any rate, good luck with everything, it is kinda troublesome thinking about how long you can continue with a 'normal' life with all SCI things considered for sure.

[Rbrauer]

Need to hear more about the 'fat arse'...


EDIT .. I mean.. you give such an obviously large description, but little to no content.
Whats the big issue? Is there something larger looming in the background?
Not trying to butt in to this to much, but golly, you've let this one bottom out with
such a short description.

[christopher]

I shouldn't really say much because I live off of a pension given to me by insurance and I pretty much do make more money not working, but I'd look more at the permanent part-time position. Relax for a bit, take care of your feet and your health, then start looking at advocacy. Listen to management and your GP. You've had ten years on the front lines of Southern Ontario's emergency services, I'm sure that counts for something you won't get from a university degree.

[Lizbv]

1st priority- get your sores healed, eat plenty of good healthy foods.
then, think about other descisions. rome was not built in a day-

[canuck]

I would talk to cpp & your union rep, I still collect cpp but I only work 300 hours a year. Wouldn't trust your manager sounds like she has a hidden agenda besides she's management & is more concerned about organization agenda then yours, yeah I'm a jaded civil servent.......

[titanium4motion]

When do you decide to call it quits?

Well, you touched an important point first. You said, “I love my job.” So do I. I am excited to get up in the morning to start my job and at the end of the day it is hard to shut down the computer and leave. I do design work using CAD. Quit when you loose that “edge” from your vocation. When I loose my edge I’ll retire and do something else. Until then I will continue in my career. Employment gives personal satisfaction and purpose to life.

You still have to work. We still need solid and strong role models, like you, in this global workforce until a cure is found. Even though if a cure is found in the near future, continue to work. Daily employment promotes longevity. I know you are on the other side of the border so disability laws are different from the United States.

Ask your employer for a more flexible work schedule or a customized employment to suit your needs. Get off of shift work. I had to do shift work in my career and it wreaked havoc on my body, sleep and normal daily living patterns. Can you transfer to another position which is more flexible to your lifestyle? Or have the ability to work at home on some days?

First and foremost take care of your health. You indicated in another posting you wanted to loose some weight? That is a simple fix with one word, attitude. I weighed 300 pounds once in my life and I have vowed to keep it off and I have. Even sporting a 'chair I still watch what I put in my mouth. I am very near the same years of injury as you. Start with healthy eating habits. Drop junk food, sodas and sugar and go natural or whole sum. The weight will fall off. Have five or six smaller meals instead of the traditional three meals and snacks. Drink plenty of water (Another tip from a CareCure member.)

I am not sure how health care works in Canada but see a doctor regularly. Even for the basics, flu shot, colds, skin break down …

Eating right will help your pressure sores heal quicker, loose weight, more energy and feel better about yourself. Your health will improve too making yourself stronger with stamina. Exercise a little each day; I know you do, for other readers though. I followed your tip a while ago about lifting a dumb bell. I now do it every morning to keep my upper strength up. I have noticed a difference in upper body strength, lost a few pounds of fat and toned up for doing it for several months daily now. Thanks for the tip!

How do we manage? Let me say, “How do I manage?” By asking, explaining, understanding and networking. I cringe when someone says to me, “I make my disability look to easy!” Knowledge is power. Continue to learn and grow. Explain why you require these special working conditions. Networking? You are doing it by using this site for information and resources. Try finding local females with spinal cord injuries and ask them how they manage?

It is never too late to go back to school or college. Shortly I’d like to start on my MBA.

For me too it is still sometimes frustrating. Not only for a cure but sometimes in life in general. Take a vacation or time off from work.

Most important, find peace, love, happiness and victory in your life.


titanium4motion

[TheRainman]

Hey super woman

You need to take care of your self first. I know the money situation is important but without your health your ultimately going to fail. Those feet need to be but up in the air to heel. You know your situation better then we do so I know you'll make the right decission.

As far as David buying into the repair business. I agree with David. The business can't support to pay the employees now so why would you want to get into a losing situation. If he enjoys the business start his own and build it up. Start out freelancing. Go to the local repair stores and ask them if they got any work that you can get paid for by the job. Spread the word to friends. Rent, licensing and staff can kill a business. So start smal and build up.

[lynnifer]

Thanks for the advice all. I've got some thinking to do ... I don't trust that supervisor of mine though, she's always out for herself.

ETA: Regarding the weight - hah - I doubled my thyroid dosage starting at the beginning of summer. Without changing anything, I've lost 15lbs so far this summer. I still insist my doctor doesn't know how to treat a simple thyroid disorder, says Miss Know It All - lol. I still fail at working regular and consistent exercise into my lifestyle .. and I missed the tai chi class last night because I stayed up too long from my last midnight shift darnit! T4M thanks for reminding me about the dumbbell - it's currently collecting dust at work - hah! I do love my job and there's so many things I'd still like to do that cost money (travel, owning a boat, etc) so I've got some difficult decisions to make.

[Rbrauer]

Lynnifer you should join me for lunch. Consists of hitting the track at work. 2.5 miles one lap around the campus.
Great way to relieve some stress as well.

[lynnifer]

That sounds great. Just as I was trying to utilize some of the great trails during my lunch breaks a few years ago, in the town I dispatch for, management decided that dispatchers shouldn't stray too far from the office in case of emergency. One of our dispatchers was notorious for walking up to 1km away on her lunch and someone complained because they got busy. The officers aren't allowed to leave the municipality either without permission (followup on a call, court, etc). They like to ruin everything .. lol.

[Scorpion]

I read your first post and worry for you, Lynnifer. If nothing else, it sounds like you need a break and then a regular work schedule so you can rest and heal.

[cara_m]

Lynnifer, you and I have a few similarities. We were both injured at 12 and once the 22/25 year mark started approaching our bodies started feeling the effects of aging with sci. Although I am a c5/6 inc.

I worked for many years before I retired and unfortunately had to retire prematurely. Let me tell you I pushed awful hard to make the 20 year mark at my job and finally when I did I had to retire after 20 yrs. If you can keep going I do not recommend retirement. Keep fighting your body and work with your employer to stay employed. When you can't do it anymore you will know however you don't seem like you're ready yet physically or emotionally. Take care of yourself by watching those sores, exercising, and eating well. Staying busy will help to some degree in keeping your body healthy. I am much older than you,51, but I managed to work until at least 47.

I knew it was time to retire when repeated pressure sores kept me out, constant uti's, constant back and pelvis pain from 8 hours in front of computer, numerous bowel accidents and attendent care issues came into play, not to mention fatigue. I desperately miss work and hoping I can find something for at least a few hours a week. It's bad enough our bodies have to atrophy but we can prevent our minds from doing so.

Maybe someday we can meet half way up at the falls. You seem like such an awesome person who would be a pleasure to know.



I feel your pain. Although I am going on 40 yrs with sci I remember quite well my 25 year mark. The only way to explain it is that you are becoming disabled twice and having to deal with it again. However once it passes you’ll be emotionally stronger than before.

[lynnifer]

After a tearful meeting with management two weeks ago, I've decided to go off on short term disability shortly after the new year. I've set a goal of six months to take care of bladder issues, reproductive issues and several wounds that aren't healing - my right foot looks great, my left foot looks like I fed it to the wolves (sorry - lol - ick).

I've contacted the closest major rehab facility to me and begged for an appointment. My main goal is to stave off infection. I hope to look into electrical stimulation more and a better bladder management method as well.

There's just too many medical issues adding up that I need to take care of. It was a tough mental blow to be faced with the knowledge that I can't keep up anymore at age 34 and I was tempted to leave and never come back ... but I sincerely love my job and I don't want to, nor am I ready to leave! I'm useful and good at it and I'm not ready to give it up yet. I love the comraderie, the benefits and the money and there's still too many things I want to do. Oh and I'm supposed to say something here about helping out the public - lol - yes I do enjoy that as well.

There's also a side issue of impending harassment by a coworker that riled me ... I'm certainly not alone in that within one office. Management offered to take me off shift to make my life easier .. but the cost is doing a lot of 'gopheric' jobs. It's dispatching and emergencies that I love and leaving that would make me incredibly unhappy.

Like David warned me, I've had to swallow my pride. It was bitter. lol

For an exciting few minutes though after getting over the initial horror and thinking that I was leaving for good, I said to David that I would have the time, health and stamina to finally have that child I always wanted ... he said he wouldn't allow me to buy a turkey baster and he was never sleeping again. I guess the answer is still no. lol Compromise sometimes sucks.

[Le Type Français]

Lynnifer,

I find it awfully inhumane you have to risk Sepsis and amputation just to provide for yourself. I don't think there's anything wrong with you giving your job the middle finger for a while. You do want you need to do for you, not for any company or to impress anyone else's standards.

You say you love your job. Get some awesome rest and relaxation and then go back when you're fully well and gracefully vital again.

[Kendell]

Debbie always jokes that when she pushed herself too hard (which, I'm guessing, was all the time) that God would find a way to slow her down. I should say - she's learned to joke about it, but it was a bitter pill for her to swallow that she had to stop working due to an accumulation of injuries topped off by one bigger one that tore up her good leg too much.

I'm glad you're taking time off to heal, and -if you're anything like Debbie (sounds like it) - I can imagine the level of frustration you feel having to do so.

I do hope that when you're ready to return to work you can work something out with management to make it easier on your body in the future.

Take care.

[cass]

please take the time now. been working 20 years dis and earlier this year after pulling 70+ hr weeks, i went to dr for routine appt. and found myself in tears unexpectedly. she put me on med loa immediately. i was on it 2 months.

i finally have to admit my corporate working time is about over. with the kid, pain and incredible stress at work, i can't do it much longer. people at work don't get it and i'm tired of trying to explain. they can't discriminate against me, so my performance is held up alongside a 30 yr old with no health/pain issues. reasonable accommodation was a blessing 20 yrs ago, now it's a bane (because they cannot factor my increasing dis probs in).

rest now. if you're wanting a kid, do it now. when teenage yrs strike, you'll be glad you took time now. my 2 cents.

[Sue Pendleton]

I did shift in the army and we were told of several studies of it effecting life expectancy. And we were super ABs and young and the average blurb was twenty years of rotating 6-2 shift was good for 10 years off our otherwise normal lives. Course few military work shift for 20 straight years without a 2 year break here and there. I left the army before my SCI so no conection there but it got old real fast.

And IMO do not compromise on maternal instincts. Call it the voice of experience...