Depression

[HotWheels]

Hi, I was just wondering if anyone else here suffers from depression? I find myself unable to concentrate, make decisions, eat/sleep as well as thinking about hurting myself. Anyone else ever feel this way? I am not even sure if it is because of my disability. I am just overcome by pain. I have tried anti-depressants but they didn't help me. I haven't really told anyone how I feel; I mean I've tried but I'm not sure they listen. I need help. I feel better after writing this but I know it wont last. Thanks.

[CurlieQCarrie]

I don't know how valuable my opinions will be because I, myself, have never found myself severely depressed. Well, only during the first few months....I just wasn't willing to admit it then, I guess. But the only thing I can suggest is to stay busy. Keep yourself going, doing stuff. Find a hobby. Find a BUNCH of hobbies. Boredom allows the mind to have too much time to think. I didn't see much info in your profile. Are you in school? Have a job? I hope you get the information you're looking for here. And don't be afraid to find friends on this site. So it's the internet...they're still friends. Huge support.

[litespeed4]

I can only pass on my own personal experience. The pain I get in my back can get so bad at times it's almost impossible to move, At times like these I can start crying due to not only the pain but the frustration. Let's face it, SCI can definitely cause depression and I'm sure there are many members on CC that are taking anti-depresents. Some of these may be taking them for nerve pain but it's still an anti-depresent. If you really think that you are suffering from depression than you definitely should see a professional. They really can help you feel better. It may be hard to believe that you can feel better but you can and it may take some help.
Hang in there.

[lynnifer]

I really didn't suffer depression until 3 years ago (paralyzed for 20). I sought out a psychologist and started on anti-depressants (Celexa).

Within a week of starting Celexa, I came out of the hole I was falling into.

I admit I don't suffer pain, but my psychologist talked about meditation and visual imagery to help others who suffered pain.

Carrie had excellent suggestions to keep yourself busy.

[SoFla]

I'm listening, and hear you loud and clear! Please read the side effects of your medication. Many cause this deep depression. I'm working my way out of it, too. A little tweak to the meds might do the trick, and you won't have to deal with those gawdawful antidepressants. In my not so humble opinion, doctors are prescribing us too many drugs, only treating our symptoms with the latest Rx touted by the leggy gal hauling her black luggage full of samples into the office keeping me waiting even longer for my scheduled appointment. I hope my little rant helps you.

[David Berg]

Depression is a natural consequence of chronic pain, especially the when it's severe and there's no effective treatment. You're certainly not in this boat alone. There are others here who can definitely relate to your dilemna.

[metronycguy]

trying to get rid of the pain by seeing a pain management specialist that specializes with sci pain may help with the pain

[ButtMonkey]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I felt that same way for about a year after my crash, and I still have some days like that. I was taking Zoloft for about a year, and it helped enough to keep me from killing myself but not much more than that; I found the best thing for me was to keep busy; call people, work on the computer, go out etc all of which eased my suffering a tiny bit for a little while. Eventually I went to a shrink, which also helped a little tiny bit more.
After a while I had built up an army of tiny things to make myself feel better, and eventually the depression just faded away. I found that pain is just something you have to work through, and as you do it will ease itself.
So if posing on here makes you feel better for a few minutes, then post away! There are plenty of us here to listen.

[JBOYRYAN]

I saw this topic and had to respond. I broke c-7 in 1977 and was considered very lucky, I can walk with help, I have 100% function of my right arm and about 80% on my left. Every doctor I see tells me what a miracle I am. I have a wife and kids who are supportive but I wake up every morning tight as can be sometimes crawling to the bathroom becuase I dont have the contol to get me there standing up. I cant wait for my zanaflex and nuerotin to kick in so I can start my day, thats on a good day. Even then I wonder what things would be like if this never happened. so in answer to your question am I depressed, with the rare occasion of my children being born and a few other special events i've been depressed for 28 years

[medic1]

I am so glad we dont have a bunch of Tom Cruise types on here! After all according to him no one needs meds for depression. Bullshit!! Depression runs in my family. My grandmother was in a phych ward and my mom has been on prozac among other meds for years. I had little depression before sci, after i have a whole lot. I am on Lexapro which is in the same family as Prozac. What helps most is having a counselor to talk to. Took me awhile to find one that I trust completely and feel that he understands where I am coming from. Turns out he has a disability himself and is a christian , so really help us relate. Keeping busy has never seemed to help me much, in fact going to school and the frustrations and difficulty that can come with that have at times made my depression worse. I am not one to take pills, and I fought it for the first year and a half after my accident. I am now at a point were I find my depressino tolerable. Some days worse some better, but that is the way it goes sometimes. All the things you describe are signs of depression, concentration, decisions, eating habits, sleep, and of course the never ending urge to hurt yourself or others. Pain is also a big factor too. Pain just seems to make everything else snowball. Even with the meds and counseling, CC has really been my lifesaver. Knowing that I am not alone and theat there are others with the same struggles, even worse struggles, helps me get through my day. I cant say enough to express my gratitude to those who had the forsight in providing this site. God Bless them!

[JBOYRYAN]

I was suprised to see that only 9 people on this whole site are ever depressed, I thought more people would want to discuss thier depression. I was suprised becuase after writing even I felt a little better.

[garvey]

I guess I'm pretty damned depressed as I write this. Add to that panic - I get this cold spot in my chest/abdomen that won't go away.
I was told that my current contract is coming to a close a month early because I wasn't performing well enough. Happens over and over. Don't know how many "fresh starts" I can make.
I've always had trouble keepingup, I procratsinate, I can't seem to keep up with the competition and now I have this handicap to deal with as well.
I need one or two things -
- something to keep the depression and panic at bay
- some kind of counseling that will help me to perform better on an intellectual level
- maybe a new carreer path - but I'm 53 and I have to take care of my family!

I just need a life saver tossed my way. I'll do the paddling, Ijust need something to keep me afloat right now.
And of course, this seems to happen right around the holidays - always makes my wife very happy.

[mike]

I will make it 10. Many of us have not yet spoke but we are stil depressed. I find that taking drugs such as Ametripytlene along with Neurontin does help and keeps me from doing something that my family would not want. This does not mean that I do not on every waking morning wonder why this has happened to me an is there really a reason to go on. I must admit that a lot of my strength comes from visiting this sight. Seeing people who have worse problems, seeing rhe research that is going on and feeling that I can help someone in worse condition then me.

[garvey]

This does not mean that I do not on every waking morning wonder why this has happened to me an is there really a reason to go on. I must admit that a lot of my strength comes from visiting this sight. Seeing people who have worse problems, seeing rhe research that is going on and feeling that I can help someone in worse condition then me.


Amen.

PS - wondering what DA is going to say next helps to keep me going to some extent!

[alan]

Because of the pains, I can't really concentrate on anything besides them, and their effect on my life does depress me. Quadriplegia is just an inconvenience compared to my central pain.

[Wheelchair_Diva]

I am also passing through a depression stage. A lot of things have happened in less than three months and some of them are very painful. I guess I'll be ok and by summer I'll be laughing at this.

[graybeard]

Pain is by itself a destroyer of the person's will. It has at times beaten me to feeble pulp. I am very fortunate that my pain does ease up in time. Some here never get that relief. There are times I catch myself staring out the window. No reason. Just staring. I still cannot accept this damn situation.

[Tim C.]

kidding us?
cant let it

[Raven]

I believe we all do deal with depression at one time or another. For me, it was so hard at the beginning to deal with what had happened. Like Carrie, I tried to deny it. Didn't realize I needed some help. It has been a very hard journey that we travel in life and it is harder I believe with a disability such as SCI. Many times I personally have had to deal with changes in my life that have thrown me off and made me wish I could die or that I had died when it happened. The thing is that I didn't and after I get over the depressed state of mind, I feel that I have gained more inner strength. At that time then I go back in my mind and realize that there have been good things come into my life too. This may not work for all but it does for me. Also, taking Prozac has helped me to deal with those times. One thing I have noted is that I will get depressed when things get bad for me healthwise. At times have felt so overwhelmed by those issues that they seem like they will knock me down and out. But we do have to build some resiliency from those previous ones, I believe. Compare it to working out your muscles, the more you work out the stronger they get. Something else I was reading today was in relation to holidays and depression. It appears that depression will hit people more around holidays. I did a search on it and found these links do help to understand it better. The following link is what I found on my search .. hope it helps ... http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-42,GGLG:en&q=holidays+%2B+depression

Raven

[garvey]

I've gotten much better since my last post here. I'm not sure how long I will stay up like this. While I was feeling better I made an appointment to see a psychologist. I don't want to wait until I start slipping again.
My understanding is that this guy has done a lot of work with people with SCI and other serious injuries.
I will relate my experiences as I go along and see if I can glean any insights that I can pass along.
I see this as just another approach to my general health problems. I work my body to get stronger and I feel that this counseling is the same sort of measure. PT for the soul.

[Romayne]

At the present time my legs are aching like hell but I am not depressed. I do take 50mg Zoloft daily and that is most likely the reason why.

Gene In New Jersey

[ASCRM]

HotWheels,

When you sit and really think hard about why you're feeling depressed - what comes to mind. Family, friends, finances, are you lonely, fear or?

[jb]

4 me, i'm more depressed now, 4yrs post than i was in the beginning

[dejerine]

I am always absolutely floored by those who say they are in severe pain but are not depressed. I remember when an illness kept me out of state wrestling finals, something that would have given me a college scholarhip, but I was not depressed. There was too much else going on. Other negative experiences seemed to bounce off also, but when it comes to central pain, I cannot imagine anyone even feeling good enough to think in terms of depression. Really severe pain commands the mind to think about it, and little else. I am not ashamed of depression, or my reaction to the pain, since I know others similarly situated would be just as devastated. If you hit your thumb with a hammer you are not depressed, if you get really beat up in a boxing match, you are not depressed, but continual consuming unescapable, dysesthetic burning is a "pain beyond pain" like Riddoch said.

John Bonica was a wrestler and a very good one, but when he began to have pain that could not be relieved, he devoted his entire life to pain, with the result that the epidural block was invented. Pain calls very, very loudly and in an ugly voice. It steals your life and identity when you are not looking. There is just nothing like it. it also happens when cord injury or something similar has rearranged your life in a way to make it confusing. With pain those around you do not see the pain and often become downright angry that you cannot do what they think you ought to do. There is perpetual awareness of tremendous misunderstanding of almost every action, mood, word, or response.

Tragic things are discouraging, but living every minute facing a terrible burn, so severe that you cannot wear but a minimum of clothing, don't want touch, don't want to move, dread for your bladder to fill, have constant burning in the mouth and nasal passages, and in the bladder and gut, are shut off from others, have nothing in common with other human beings or even those with minor Central pain, feel almost no real emotion, cannot in fact afford to feel emotion or you would become a threat to yourself, makes "depression" seem like something minor. It is sort of the end of your soul.

Given enough time, the most indifferent and bouncy personality will be fragmented into someone facing a long night of damnation. Every event seems to have humiliation buried in it. If you lose a loved one, it is very sad, but if the loved one is still there but you are unable to love them realistically or connect with them, as if they are there but not there, is an ongoing condemnation of your nature. Depression seems like up.

If someone scorns this, let them take the burning throughout the skin, body and head, and around the brain, on the corneas, in every hollow organ, and we will see who is strongest. Those who live on are here to comment. Those who do not speak even more loudly that severe central pain is really, really a monster and seems like it ought not to exist. You don't just have morbid thoughts, you have a morbid life, you personify morbid. The monster is not waiting for you around the next corner. You are already in the belly of the beast, and you are doomed. Humor can help but it is just a construct, like artificial intelligence, reassuring because it is familiar, but detached from what is going on inside, you do not and cannot really feel it, or anything else but the burning. Your efforts are kind of an inspiration to yourself, but trash to everyone else, who expects you to act human.

[j c]

i am more depress now that it is near the holiday period.sitting here in a wheelchair is certainly no fun,i miss doing the very simple things in life.my computer as become my best friend i just try to keep busy to keep my mind from thinking about the problems associated with my illness

[justadildo]

.....apparently i'm not taking enough of anything, the pain nor the depression seem to ever subside......this sci thing is hard work....if this was a "job", i would have left before lunch on the first day!!!

[mr_coffee]

I was also in your position when I got back from rehab and I found myself trapped in a chair, nothing was what it use to be, I couldn't enjoy anything or even sit in my wheelchair longer then 10 mins or my back would kill me or my ass would. I wasn't on any anti-depressants and I told my family I did want to kill myself, but I couldn't do it myself, i wanted a car to crash into me when i was outside in a car and i knew somthing was wrong then. Do you also get these feelings? If so you should really get some help, you said your anti depressants didn't work, did you try zoloft? Thats what I use and I can tell you I feel 100% better. I also started school and that helped alot! You need to keep yourself busy, even if you may not enjoy it. If you sit idol, you think too much and it will just get worse. Do you have any family you can do acitivities with? If you have the opportunity to go to college or continue school I highly recommend it, it will keep you busy. Goodluck, I know its hard but don't give up, there will be better days in the future even if you think its the end.

[alan]

I don't even have the desire to get out of bed, because I know that my scapulas will start catching as soon as I do. Pains are no better laying down, but the scapulas rarely pop because I'm laying on them. Bah.