Max
06-27-2003, 07:04 PM
Family's Life Forever Changed: My Worst Nightmare Come True
Posted 6/26/2003
By Maida Averbach
Each time a news bulletin came on the air regarding a new terrorist bombing in Israel, we would remain glued to the TV, always hoping against hope that our 37-year-old son Steve and his family were safe and not involved. We would watch the news as an ongoing ritual, searching pictures of one disaster after another and hoping for our loved ones not to be there.
A perpetual state of "butterflies" exists within us for this vital, handsome, brave offspring who has lived in Israel since he was a teenager. Although the life is difficult, he has managed to live there happily despite the many hardships that he and his countrymen have experienced.
We arrived home before midnight on May 17 from a wonderful evening at an awards dinner where my husband David had received a lifetime award for service from his colleagues at the hospital where he works as a surgeon. As usual we put on Fox News in order to update what was happening in the world and especially Israel.
There it was! Another bus bombing in Jerusalem. The number 6 bus was blown up by a terrorist, dressed as an Orthodox Jew and wearing a bomb belt detonated to kill himself and take with him as many innocent victims as he could.
I searched the rescue scene again, hoping that I would not recognize anyone I knew. A wave of nausea passed over me as I thought I caught a glimpse of Steve's arm on a stretcher. Just a mother's fear I thought; couldn't be. But another sleepless night lay ahead. Every hour awake wondering if this time I was not imagining this horrible scenario.
The phone call came at 6 a.m. Steve's wife Julie was on the phone, speaking very calmly and slowly. "There has been a bombing on the bus that Steve was on. He is alive but hurt. Here is Barbara the social worker who will explain."
Both my husband and I are wide awake now, stunned, anxious, and in tears. Barbara Hanoch begins to speak. "Steve received an injury to his spinal cord, his cervical cord between C3-4. He is stable, and has had surgery to remove the ball bearing that entered his neck."
As medical people, we know that that level of entry is a critically devastating injury.
"He is conscious but on a ventilator," she continues. "We have arranged for you to stay in the milonite (motel-like room) at Hadassah Hospital in Ein Kerem. Someone from the Petuach Leumi will contact you."
Barbara relayed all the necessary information professionally with compassion. We were to make arrangements to fly to Israel as soon as possible.
Thus began our new life - a life that will be forever changed. The terrible injury has affected not only Steve, but also his family and his friends. His four sons will most likely not be able to sit on their dad's shoulders, or play Frisbee and run the baseball bases with him, ever again.
Culture of Hate and Destruction
We arrive at 10 a.m. the next day, and as I sit by his bedside in Hadassah's intensive care unit watching his body fight to obtain the oxygen so vital for life, my mind and thoughts travel in many directions.
I cannot understand the mentality of a culture where Palestinian parents raise a child to want to die in such a fashion; bombs strapped to his waist with shrapnel of all imaginative kinds (in order to inflict the most deadly damage to the innocent). He was a 19-year-old engineering student whose parents, although mourning his loss, are "proud of what their son has done." How much good might this young man have done for his people in a long lifetime.
I cannot fathom the mentality of a culture that teaches young to hate with such a passion so that instead of wanting to grow up to serve their people in a productive way, they have been brainwashed into killing innocent men, women and children while dying themselves in order to attain a place in "paradise" with wonderful rewards.
I cannot understand the mentality of a culture whose school math books ask, "If there are 5 Jews and you kill 3 Jews, how many Jews are left?'' or whose mothers dress their young ones in costumes depicting these killers as heroes and martyrs.
I am appalled by the vast amount of money in the hands of Palestinian leaders who use it for the training, motivation, arming and rewarding of these who commit such atrocities - when they could be using the same funds to show the world how a people can utilize wealth for schools (that teach tolerance and love as well as academics); can build playgrounds, sports arenas, theaters, museums, and universities; can create industries so that their people would not have to go to work for their so called enemy.
Where is the devotion of these people to their land? Why don't they work it so that there will be lush green fields and trees for all their people to appreciate and be proud to display to the rest of the world?
I cannot understand a news media that encourage these homicide bombers by sensationalizing their horrific behavior. We hear mainly about the bomber, his poor family who mourn with pride, and about those nasty Israelis who have leveled the beloved homes of these manmade monsters. Invariably there's a short statement on the count of the dead and wounded. No ongoing follow-up on the survivors and their heroic battle to return to a normal health and life. No history on the survivors or of how their loved ones are impacted by this tragedy. We are interviewed by news persons who never bother to return to find out how our son is doing.
Having been raised during the Holocaust and lived through times of great anti-Semitism, we understand how frustrated a people can get trying to establish their own identity and culture. But we have never witnessed Jews resorting to this outrageous behavior as a people. We have been taught tolerance, compassion, pride, hard work and the desire to serve all people as well as our own. We cannot envision any justification for the brutal, evil, and barbaric behavior nurtured by this culture.
I cannot understand a world that condemns a small country that for years has had to defend itself against the surrounding enemy and is forced to give back land which was won as a result of defeating attackers whose only goal was to drive Israel into the sea.
I see this hospital and its dedicated staff caring for Arab and Jew alike. I see and am informed that Palestinians are being trained as physicians at this hospital. My surgeon husband is invited into the operating room of chief surgeon Professor Avi Rifkind to observe an Arab resident assist the professor and learn new skills. We are told they have asked the Palestinians to tell them what they need - which surgical specialties and training - for their hospitals, but are never given an answer.
Taking our grandsons to the Jerusalem Zoo for a break, I see hordes of Arab families enjoying themselves, unafraid of a potential Israeli bomber lurking and plotting their death or maiming.
I cannot understand why Israelis are unable to go to Rachel's Tomb in Hebron with the same feeling of security.
I cannot understand why all of the potential Palestinian state must be Judenrein (free of Jews), but Israel (a Jewish state) can have Arabs living as citizens and benefiting from jobs, schools, medical care, etc.
I cannot understand the mentality of a media which do not address these inconsistencies over and over again.
Love Comes In All Sizes, Colors
We are comforted by the throngs, from both Israel and the U.S., who come to show they care. Over the years our son has acquired a broad variety of friends, from the most religiously observant to the most adamantly secular, all of whom worry about his situation and pray for his recovery.
A Christian group visiting from South Carolina cries with us and prays. We accept all prayers.
Officers from the Golani brigade in which Steve served for 3 years, his comrades from army reserves who were with him during many battles, police officers with whom he worked at one time, students of his from his present job as a private weapons instructor, friends from "The Swamp" (his earlier hangout) and from Mike's Place (his present place for rest and relaxation) - all come.
His old friend Adam flew in from the U.S. (with a ticket provided by his friends) to stay at his bedside day after day.
Steve cannot speak yet. He has a tracheotomy and is still on a ventilator. He has a feeding tube in his stomach, splints for his legs and hands, an access tube in his jugular vein for fluid and medicine intake, special compression equipment for his legs (to avoid phlebitis and clots), and a catheter in his bladder. He cannot move his arms or legs at this time.
This is how his four young sons will see him after they are prepared by psychologists to know what to expect. This is what he is aware they will see -- a tall, strapping, powerful man whose future is so very uncertain.
And there are the "angels" who come in all shapes, sizes, colors, religions, and tongues. Dr. Sharon Einav (intensive-care physician in charge), who not only uses her superior medical skills to care for our son, but who makes herself available at all times to us despite her strenuous schedule. She is charming, knowledgeable, and dedicated.
Steve's nurses are Israelis from all cultural backgrounds. Ruth, who covers her head in religious observance, knows exactly what to do and say at any given moment. No matter what the request, she is able and willing.
Ava, from Russia, although rather matter-of-fact at first, showed her soft caring side as time went by.
Nayelah, an Arab, is expert in her nursing care and her humanity. She cried with us at the unexplainable. Her children attend an Arab/Jewish school; her husband worked as a policeman with Steve.
Mohammed, another Arab, is always there caring for Steve, always trying to make him comfortable.
Arit, the head nurse, who does her best to prepare us and the entire family for the future.
I watch people from all cultures giving care and getting care - Jews and non-Jews, Israelis, Arabs, Russians, Ethiopians, Americans, Australians, Brits, etc.
Families wait endlessly for word of their loved ones' progress while volunteers from several organization pass out sandwiches and hot meals (free). Shabbat meals (also free) are distributed by yet more volunteers for all those staying over at the hospital. A son who comes to say kiddush and havdalah for his father invites us to participate at bedside. The volunteer cleaning people work side by side with the medical and nursing staff (no sign of class distinction here). This is what the news media should be concentrating on.
Perhaps the most beautiful angel of all is Barbara Goldstein, executive director of Hadassah in Israel, who virtually adopts us and is responsible for whatever peace of mind we might have. Barbara runs interference for us when something is needed - obtaining a piece of equipment that seemed unobtainable, for example - and watches over us by taking us out for a breather during the long watch. Barbara is available at any time of the day or night to meet whatever needs we might have. There is no problem too small or too large that she cannot handle and solve in minutes by a simple phone call or two. She has become part of our family.
There are many who have touched our lives in the weeks since May 18: Marlene Post, past president of Hadassah; Ron Krumer, director of external relations of Hadassah; Audrey Shimron, Barbara Goldstein's associate; Barbara Sofer, director of public relations; Barbara Hanoch, Hadassah social worker; Osnat Moskowitz, director of the donor department; Leah Reison, director of Youth Aliyah; and others, too numerous to mention, associated with either government agencies or voluntary organizations.
I am a life member of Hadassah. My job and involvement with my family have prevented me from becoming very active, but we can clearly see what the organization has done for people irrespective of origin or ethnic background.
We are humbled by this outpouring of love and a true desire to assist our family in our time of sorrow and need, and are forever indebted to all the wonderful people who have touched our lives.
People ask us whether we plan to bring Steve home. Steve is home. As a medical family, we cannot imagine a place where Steve would receive better care. What country in the world has more experienced physicians and nurses in the field of trauma management? We are in awe of their skill and caring. We will therefore be traveling to Israel frequently in the immediate future.
Maida Averbach is a registered nurse living in New Jersey. She has 10 grandchildren, four of whom reside in Israel.
http://www.thejewishpress.com/news_article.asp?article=2540
Posted 6/26/2003
By Maida Averbach
Each time a news bulletin came on the air regarding a new terrorist bombing in Israel, we would remain glued to the TV, always hoping against hope that our 37-year-old son Steve and his family were safe and not involved. We would watch the news as an ongoing ritual, searching pictures of one disaster after another and hoping for our loved ones not to be there.
A perpetual state of "butterflies" exists within us for this vital, handsome, brave offspring who has lived in Israel since he was a teenager. Although the life is difficult, he has managed to live there happily despite the many hardships that he and his countrymen have experienced.
We arrived home before midnight on May 17 from a wonderful evening at an awards dinner where my husband David had received a lifetime award for service from his colleagues at the hospital where he works as a surgeon. As usual we put on Fox News in order to update what was happening in the world and especially Israel.
There it was! Another bus bombing in Jerusalem. The number 6 bus was blown up by a terrorist, dressed as an Orthodox Jew and wearing a bomb belt detonated to kill himself and take with him as many innocent victims as he could.
I searched the rescue scene again, hoping that I would not recognize anyone I knew. A wave of nausea passed over me as I thought I caught a glimpse of Steve's arm on a stretcher. Just a mother's fear I thought; couldn't be. But another sleepless night lay ahead. Every hour awake wondering if this time I was not imagining this horrible scenario.
The phone call came at 6 a.m. Steve's wife Julie was on the phone, speaking very calmly and slowly. "There has been a bombing on the bus that Steve was on. He is alive but hurt. Here is Barbara the social worker who will explain."
Both my husband and I are wide awake now, stunned, anxious, and in tears. Barbara Hanoch begins to speak. "Steve received an injury to his spinal cord, his cervical cord between C3-4. He is stable, and has had surgery to remove the ball bearing that entered his neck."
As medical people, we know that that level of entry is a critically devastating injury.
"He is conscious but on a ventilator," she continues. "We have arranged for you to stay in the milonite (motel-like room) at Hadassah Hospital in Ein Kerem. Someone from the Petuach Leumi will contact you."
Barbara relayed all the necessary information professionally with compassion. We were to make arrangements to fly to Israel as soon as possible.
Thus began our new life - a life that will be forever changed. The terrible injury has affected not only Steve, but also his family and his friends. His four sons will most likely not be able to sit on their dad's shoulders, or play Frisbee and run the baseball bases with him, ever again.
Culture of Hate and Destruction
We arrive at 10 a.m. the next day, and as I sit by his bedside in Hadassah's intensive care unit watching his body fight to obtain the oxygen so vital for life, my mind and thoughts travel in many directions.
I cannot understand the mentality of a culture where Palestinian parents raise a child to want to die in such a fashion; bombs strapped to his waist with shrapnel of all imaginative kinds (in order to inflict the most deadly damage to the innocent). He was a 19-year-old engineering student whose parents, although mourning his loss, are "proud of what their son has done." How much good might this young man have done for his people in a long lifetime.
I cannot fathom the mentality of a culture that teaches young to hate with such a passion so that instead of wanting to grow up to serve their people in a productive way, they have been brainwashed into killing innocent men, women and children while dying themselves in order to attain a place in "paradise" with wonderful rewards.
I cannot understand the mentality of a culture whose school math books ask, "If there are 5 Jews and you kill 3 Jews, how many Jews are left?'' or whose mothers dress their young ones in costumes depicting these killers as heroes and martyrs.
I am appalled by the vast amount of money in the hands of Palestinian leaders who use it for the training, motivation, arming and rewarding of these who commit such atrocities - when they could be using the same funds to show the world how a people can utilize wealth for schools (that teach tolerance and love as well as academics); can build playgrounds, sports arenas, theaters, museums, and universities; can create industries so that their people would not have to go to work for their so called enemy.
Where is the devotion of these people to their land? Why don't they work it so that there will be lush green fields and trees for all their people to appreciate and be proud to display to the rest of the world?
I cannot understand a news media that encourage these homicide bombers by sensationalizing their horrific behavior. We hear mainly about the bomber, his poor family who mourn with pride, and about those nasty Israelis who have leveled the beloved homes of these manmade monsters. Invariably there's a short statement on the count of the dead and wounded. No ongoing follow-up on the survivors and their heroic battle to return to a normal health and life. No history on the survivors or of how their loved ones are impacted by this tragedy. We are interviewed by news persons who never bother to return to find out how our son is doing.
Having been raised during the Holocaust and lived through times of great anti-Semitism, we understand how frustrated a people can get trying to establish their own identity and culture. But we have never witnessed Jews resorting to this outrageous behavior as a people. We have been taught tolerance, compassion, pride, hard work and the desire to serve all people as well as our own. We cannot envision any justification for the brutal, evil, and barbaric behavior nurtured by this culture.
I cannot understand a world that condemns a small country that for years has had to defend itself against the surrounding enemy and is forced to give back land which was won as a result of defeating attackers whose only goal was to drive Israel into the sea.
I see this hospital and its dedicated staff caring for Arab and Jew alike. I see and am informed that Palestinians are being trained as physicians at this hospital. My surgeon husband is invited into the operating room of chief surgeon Professor Avi Rifkind to observe an Arab resident assist the professor and learn new skills. We are told they have asked the Palestinians to tell them what they need - which surgical specialties and training - for their hospitals, but are never given an answer.
Taking our grandsons to the Jerusalem Zoo for a break, I see hordes of Arab families enjoying themselves, unafraid of a potential Israeli bomber lurking and plotting their death or maiming.
I cannot understand why Israelis are unable to go to Rachel's Tomb in Hebron with the same feeling of security.
I cannot understand why all of the potential Palestinian state must be Judenrein (free of Jews), but Israel (a Jewish state) can have Arabs living as citizens and benefiting from jobs, schools, medical care, etc.
I cannot understand the mentality of a media which do not address these inconsistencies over and over again.
Love Comes In All Sizes, Colors
We are comforted by the throngs, from both Israel and the U.S., who come to show they care. Over the years our son has acquired a broad variety of friends, from the most religiously observant to the most adamantly secular, all of whom worry about his situation and pray for his recovery.
A Christian group visiting from South Carolina cries with us and prays. We accept all prayers.
Officers from the Golani brigade in which Steve served for 3 years, his comrades from army reserves who were with him during many battles, police officers with whom he worked at one time, students of his from his present job as a private weapons instructor, friends from "The Swamp" (his earlier hangout) and from Mike's Place (his present place for rest and relaxation) - all come.
His old friend Adam flew in from the U.S. (with a ticket provided by his friends) to stay at his bedside day after day.
Steve cannot speak yet. He has a tracheotomy and is still on a ventilator. He has a feeding tube in his stomach, splints for his legs and hands, an access tube in his jugular vein for fluid and medicine intake, special compression equipment for his legs (to avoid phlebitis and clots), and a catheter in his bladder. He cannot move his arms or legs at this time.
This is how his four young sons will see him after they are prepared by psychologists to know what to expect. This is what he is aware they will see -- a tall, strapping, powerful man whose future is so very uncertain.
And there are the "angels" who come in all shapes, sizes, colors, religions, and tongues. Dr. Sharon Einav (intensive-care physician in charge), who not only uses her superior medical skills to care for our son, but who makes herself available at all times to us despite her strenuous schedule. She is charming, knowledgeable, and dedicated.
Steve's nurses are Israelis from all cultural backgrounds. Ruth, who covers her head in religious observance, knows exactly what to do and say at any given moment. No matter what the request, she is able and willing.
Ava, from Russia, although rather matter-of-fact at first, showed her soft caring side as time went by.
Nayelah, an Arab, is expert in her nursing care and her humanity. She cried with us at the unexplainable. Her children attend an Arab/Jewish school; her husband worked as a policeman with Steve.
Mohammed, another Arab, is always there caring for Steve, always trying to make him comfortable.
Arit, the head nurse, who does her best to prepare us and the entire family for the future.
I watch people from all cultures giving care and getting care - Jews and non-Jews, Israelis, Arabs, Russians, Ethiopians, Americans, Australians, Brits, etc.
Families wait endlessly for word of their loved ones' progress while volunteers from several organization pass out sandwiches and hot meals (free). Shabbat meals (also free) are distributed by yet more volunteers for all those staying over at the hospital. A son who comes to say kiddush and havdalah for his father invites us to participate at bedside. The volunteer cleaning people work side by side with the medical and nursing staff (no sign of class distinction here). This is what the news media should be concentrating on.
Perhaps the most beautiful angel of all is Barbara Goldstein, executive director of Hadassah in Israel, who virtually adopts us and is responsible for whatever peace of mind we might have. Barbara runs interference for us when something is needed - obtaining a piece of equipment that seemed unobtainable, for example - and watches over us by taking us out for a breather during the long watch. Barbara is available at any time of the day or night to meet whatever needs we might have. There is no problem too small or too large that she cannot handle and solve in minutes by a simple phone call or two. She has become part of our family.
There are many who have touched our lives in the weeks since May 18: Marlene Post, past president of Hadassah; Ron Krumer, director of external relations of Hadassah; Audrey Shimron, Barbara Goldstein's associate; Barbara Sofer, director of public relations; Barbara Hanoch, Hadassah social worker; Osnat Moskowitz, director of the donor department; Leah Reison, director of Youth Aliyah; and others, too numerous to mention, associated with either government agencies or voluntary organizations.
I am a life member of Hadassah. My job and involvement with my family have prevented me from becoming very active, but we can clearly see what the organization has done for people irrespective of origin or ethnic background.
We are humbled by this outpouring of love and a true desire to assist our family in our time of sorrow and need, and are forever indebted to all the wonderful people who have touched our lives.
People ask us whether we plan to bring Steve home. Steve is home. As a medical family, we cannot imagine a place where Steve would receive better care. What country in the world has more experienced physicians and nurses in the field of trauma management? We are in awe of their skill and caring. We will therefore be traveling to Israel frequently in the immediate future.
Maida Averbach is a registered nurse living in New Jersey. She has 10 grandchildren, four of whom reside in Israel.
http://www.thejewishpress.com/news_article.asp?article=2540