Skye83
10-07-2003, 07:19 PM
No emoticon is sufficient for this subject. I'm in agony from changing my printer cartridges-having newly discovered painonline.com, I've been printing out Kevin's posts. I esp like "The Quietest Group on the Planet." Just as I was delighted (and still am) with David Berg's site, I am finding community and words printed out from painonline.com that speak for me. I used to write-a LOT-but everything's in slo-mo now. I HAVE to be in slo-mo to stay alive. My mind attempts to quiet my legs, but it's fruitless until the blessed hour of 10pm when I down my cocktail of Neurontin, baclofen, clonazepam and amitrip. I live for 10pm.
Dejerine, I want to thank you for your stimulating words-yes, I admit it's hard to sit here and read so much, but it's gratifying to see someone else say what I feel! This doesn't mean I will stay silent myself, but I feel the need to hibernate and think about what exactly I will do as far as advocation. The holidays are getting me down, too. For the 1st time in my life, I'm putting MYSELF first this time of year and I'm not used to that. So some measure of discomfort ensues-stopping the guilt trips, for one. My husband has read the "Donner Party Phenomenon" and the look on his face was priceless. I could see the light bulb go on-he finally understood what I've been trying to tell him as I worsen-that we must both face the reality of LOWERED EXPECTATIONS. We've been married 30 yrs. He's been under a lot of stress with all this and talks to no one about it. I'm hoping he will...he has changed for the worse lately. I don't want to go into detail about that.
I've rambled on with gritted teeth, but it's cathartic. Thank you, carecure, painonline.org and painonline.com. I'm grateful for the sense of community and empowerment I garner at these sites. I know it's not "necessary" for me to post my personal journey, but it's important-I don't know why. Maybe someone will relate to what I say, just as I nod my head in quiet understanding so many times when reading posts.
I think I'll take my cocktail at 9pm. But it's been worth it
Dejerine, I want to thank you for your stimulating words-yes, I admit it's hard to sit here and read so much, but it's gratifying to see someone else say what I feel! This doesn't mean I will stay silent myself, but I feel the need to hibernate and think about what exactly I will do as far as advocation. The holidays are getting me down, too. For the 1st time in my life, I'm putting MYSELF first this time of year and I'm not used to that. So some measure of discomfort ensues-stopping the guilt trips, for one. My husband has read the "Donner Party Phenomenon" and the look on his face was priceless. I could see the light bulb go on-he finally understood what I've been trying to tell him as I worsen-that we must both face the reality of LOWERED EXPECTATIONS. We've been married 30 yrs. He's been under a lot of stress with all this and talks to no one about it. I'm hoping he will...he has changed for the worse lately. I don't want to go into detail about that.
I've rambled on with gritted teeth, but it's cathartic. Thank you, carecure, painonline.org and painonline.com. I'm grateful for the sense of community and empowerment I garner at these sites. I know it's not "necessary" for me to post my personal journey, but it's important-I don't know why. Maybe someone will relate to what I say, just as I nod my head in quiet understanding so many times when reading posts.
I think I'll take my cocktail at 9pm. But it's been worth it