View Full Version : Do grandparents overrule your authority?
05-20-2005, 01:37 PM
Ok...I'm venting http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/mad.gif
TWICE this week I'm overruled by a grandparent. First time was by my dad. He and my mom come to visit and my son is playing the Xbox. I tell my son to turn it off and visit, trying to teach him manners. My dad tells him to go on back and play and then fusses at me for stopping him!!!
Next was my mother-in-law. We are eating supper at her house and my son eats a whole bowl of fruit leaving his dinner plate untouched. He wants more fruit. I tell him he must first finish his plate. His grandmother commences to fix him another bowl of fruit while complaining to me that fruit is good for him!!!
Does anyone else go through this? What do you do?????
Edited to add: By the way, they never do those sort of things when my husband is around. It's just when I'm alone with them. I must be a push-over. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif
05-20-2005, 11:50 PM
It's happened to me lots of times. At my in-laws they always thought I was too strict (once I told my stepson to quit jumping on their brand new couch!!!), at my parents they think I'm too lenient.
No advice for you. Grit your teeth as much as you can, put your foot down when you have to. Just wanted you to know you're not the only one.
"...I mean the wheelchair would be a thing in the past
And us quads can talk about the past and laugh"-Professirx
05-21-2005, 01:51 PM
Shannon, I am a grandmother and I try to go out of my way to not interfere when it comes to how our children discipline their children. If I were to disagree with them over something the last thing I would do is say so in front of my grandkids.
If this is becoming a cronic problem I would talk with the interfering grandparents when the children are not there. I would take great care with how I phrased the conversation, for example I would ask them to help me with instilling the good manners and discilpine my children need to live in a polite society.
In the past I had a simular problem with my son-in-laws mother. If I corrected my oldest granddaughter for anything she would almost instantly comfort and pet her, thankfully my son-in-law put an end to that quickly. In our family when a parent or grandparent corrects a child, they have the support and backing from the others. I would say that we are lucky that we all agree that good manners and discipline are very important to the future success in life for the children.
I am about to have my first, in anticipation of just this scenario I have developed a catch phrase, "She has ONE mother and ONE father and that's all she needs"
The other thing I anticipate saying a lot (in the case of my own mother who is very 'old world' discipline with my sisters kids) is "It's the parents job to discipline and the grandparents job to spoil."
I don't know if they'll work, but I'm going to give it a go.
Perhaps some catch phrases might help.. said often enough they might just come off. Good Luck
05-25-2005, 07:20 PM
Linda, my mom is very much like you. She'd never interfer with my corrections. Now why can't my dad and mother-in-law be the same????
It's my own fault. I try to avoid conflict but I know that attitude isn't helping my kids either. In fact I can see that they act like little devils when we're around the grandparents because they know they can get away with it. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/redface.gif I will try to stand my ground from now on.
05-30-2005, 11:42 PM
They continue to do it because you let them. Sorry to be that blunt, but it's true. Your son is YOUR son and YOU make the rules, even if you are at someone else's house (in my eyes, *especially* if you are at someone else's house). You can be polite about it "I appreciate that you'd like for him to have fun Dad, but I don't want him to play too many video games" ... turn to son "NAME, turn off the video game as I said".
You MUST put your foot down. Just because they are your parents doesn't mean they make the rules. YOU do. In my house, I am mama supreme. What I say GOES, end of story. Well, most of time ... except when he has a huge giant fit, lol!! So, take charge and just make the rules and enforce them. You can do it! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
Ami, mama supreme to a little boy too http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
p.s. edited to say I'm not trying to be preachy, just encouraging!