View Full Version : sci marrying a/b with children
11-06-2004, 08:57 AM
I'm just thinking of the future here...I have two children, ages 6 and 8. If I marry a man (sci), how will the kids adjust to the situation. I don't know what to expect. Has anyone else been in this situation?
11-06-2004, 10:22 AM
Yeah, as sci's, we've got kids, stepkids; some we've had from the beginning, some we got later. The kids do better than anyone else actually. Any specific worries?
Can't stop the spirits when they need you/This life is more than just a read thru.-
red Hot Chili Peppers
11-06-2004, 08:40 PM
Got a 2 year old who's mom became SCI (C6/7) when he was 6 months old and still breast-feeding. I can honestly say that he is the only person in our circle of friends and family who never noticed. Happy little guy. I embrace the opportunity to raise him in an environment without awkward stares and prejudice.
11-06-2004, 09:55 PM
I'm wondering about a few things in particular. One is that I'm worried how the kids will listen to him. Will they take him serious in discipline since he can't actually get up and physically do anything. I only wonder this because a lot of times my son needs a physical touch to get his attention (not necessarily a spanking or anything but me turning his head in my direction or touching his arm). A lot of times now when he tells them to do something they don't listen and just keep on doing what they are doing. A lot of this is because he's so soft spoken and I wonder if the other part is that they just don't think he's a "threat" (bad choice of words I know). I'm not sure how else to explain this.
12-04-2004, 09:01 PM
My gal has SCI and I am AB. We're not married, but have been together for 2 years. I have two great kids who from day one took to her like fish to water. They really like her and listen to her. I've tried very hard over the years to teach them that just because someone has a disability, that doesn't mean you don't respect them.
I understand your concerns because I have had the same. I really worried the first time she offered to watch my kids while I had an event to attend. I was concerned that they wouldn't listen to her when she told them to do something. But I found out that they were really great with her and that they didn't act or treat her any different than they would anyone else.
Just be honest with them and let them know that they still need to respect this man as they would any other adult. They'll see over time what he is still capable of doing and that will gain a huge amount of respect in them.
woman from Europe
12-05-2004, 01:31 PM
The kids do not care at all if anybody has a sci or not. I have been alone with mine and I can't see any difference. But I am living in a country where it is forbidden by law to punish your children physical. A little slap and you have to go to jail and you loose your children.
TH 12 incomplete 12-12-69.
A lot of times now when he tells them to do something they don't listen and just keep on doing what they are doing. A lot of this is because he's so soft spoken and I wonder if the other part is that they just don't think he's a "threat" (bad choice of words I know). I'm not sure how else to explain this.
lovnlife, I wonder if it's not so much that he's got a SCI or is not a "threat" as it is that he's not their daddy and has not been there from the beginning. I'm sure most people have heard a child tell the new man (or woman) in the family, "You're not my daddy (mommy), I don't have to do what you say." I've heard (I don't have children) that it takes a while for them to make the transition from mom being "THE ONE in charge" and now okay, there is another adult here who is "in charge" also. I think from a young child's perspective mom is pretty omnipotent and is "in charge" of EVERYBODY in the world! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif So, how can this other adult be just as powerful as mom? http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/confused.gif It's confusing for them when they are that small. I've also known couples where though the children like the new family member there has still been a little jealousy there for this new person taking some of mom's time. Perhaps the ignoring may be a bit of "punshiment" for your guy for the children having to share mom's time with him, even though they like him? Maybe these guesses do not apply at all, and since I don't have children, I'm no expert, I've just heard this same scenario before when both partners were able-bodied. Congrats on your relationship! I'm sure together you can make it work for you and the children!
~~~Honesty is the best policy~~~Treat others as you would like to be treated~~~Play hard, but play fairly~~~