It's official ...

[marco25]

Got a call from my son's principal today. He's failed the 4th grade. It's been a tramatic year for him, and we've done what we could to help him, but in a lot of ways it became clear he "decided" to fail several months ago.

The problem is, the boy will be 12 years old entering the 4th grade this August. He's very immature for his age, most of it rooted in his very early years of neglect etc. in Russia.

His father and I are discussing what to do. There's no fixing it for him, which is the worst thing we could do imo. He failed to meet state regulations for passing. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can help him deal with this. By this time next year he'll be almost 13 http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/eek.gif http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif with a bunch of 9 year olds.

Need some advice.

[This message was edited by martha2 on 08-13-04 at 01:30 PM.]

[This message was edited by martha2 on 08-18-04 at 06:33 AM.]

[Broknwing]

Martha-
I know nothing about your situation, so I know that I'm no expert. Is it possible for you to homeschool him? Maybe it would be better for him if he wasn't surrounded by classmates that weren't that much younger than him...Especially at that age. Kids can be mean & they may not understand the circumstances why he is so much older than them and in their grade. As I said, I am no expert but I hope that I may have been of some help to you.

'Chelle

[woman from Europe]

Can you find a school with few pupils in the class so he is taken good care of and taught the things in his own tempo? I am sending my small son to his father the day after tomorrow because I am going to the rehab. He father is living in a small island in the north of Norway and the whole school have 12 pupils from 1st to 7th grade. They have two classrooms and 4 teachers and they teach them individually.

My smallest is quite immature too and he do not know how to read yet and in his class i Oslo it is 27 noisy 7-year olds from all over the world. So I hope they can teach him something the six weeks before the summer holiday.

It is only one 2nd grade pupil there now and he does not how to read either. In the big class they are making him a looser because all they do, is making the children write and read and he is telling me all the time he is stupid because he does not know how to read. I suspect he has dyslexia, his father and his sister have but it is too early to say. He is good in maths but it doesn't help as long as he can't read what to do. He is a very good ballplayer for his age but in socialization with the other children he is hopeless. Like he do not understand the code of the children. All adults think he is very cute but he is fighting with other children all the time.

[SCI-Nurse]

If you have not yet done so, I would suggest you request a family conference with his principal, school counselor and an interested teacher. If he has not been tested, then this should be done. If he has, a psychologist should be included in this meeting. Discuss special programs he may be eligible for, esp, over the summer. Find out if they think tutoring is appropriate. He may need special classes, or even a different school. If he appears to be actually developmentally delayed (common in children who were nutritionally or emotional deprived in their infant years), he may need a DD program. If so, he also needs an IEP, which you are entitled to help develop and which the school is required to follow.

Hang in there. This kid needs you now, and it is not too late to intervene, but if you do not, and keep going in this direction without intervention, he is likely to end up in a very bad place, for both you and him.

(KLD)

[betheny]

Brava KLD!

Oh Marco, I'm sorry. What a scary place to be in. There is a way through this...we'll find it. Do EVERY single thing KLD suggests. And remember tha a loving mother compensates for a great many things.

C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000

[P38Lightning]

Martha,
*hugs* I'm so sorry. I taught for two years before the difficulties I had (from food forum) got bad and I stopped...fourth grade the first year, and first grade the second.

Has he been evaluated for reading/other difficulties? BEFORE they went through failing a child for not passing the standards (at least in this state) they would have had to evaluate the child. GET him tested. As hard as it is, summer school/immersion for the skill sets he needs may be the best thing. Or at the very least the school sending home the curriculum that he needs most. (Is his teacher at ALL sensitive to his needs?) This way you can work with him during the summer so he doesn't lose any ground.

Can he transfer schools so he won't be in a class/school with students who know he is doing fourth grade again? This may take some pressure off...though it will cause another adjustment phase.

I'm with KLD. Demand testing. An IEP is not the end of the world. Learning disabilities with the right help mean a pull out during the day, and often with a few years of work with a specialist, students can be DONE with it by the end of middle school. Out here pull outs were done VERY sensitively/quietly. (It was like conducting a symphony...ah, J leaves here, H is back in, K goes now...)

It is going to be ok. Right now fight like HELL for your son to get him what he needs.

It sounds like a combination of teacher expectations (expect them to fail and they will) and a rough year led to this. It could be that fourth grade was going to be a hard year skills wise anyways. It is a huge transition year with the multiplication getting harder, division, fractions and a larger class size out here. Get the testing done just to rule things out.

(If he hasn't been tested, I can't believe they didn't get the ball rolling at the first sign of trouble http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif...even icky California does...and I can't stand the public education system out here...another reason why I'm OUT of it.)

Hang in there. PM if you have questions. I'm out of that arena now, but a Bachelor of Science and most of an MS come in handy sometimes. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif
Heather

[betheny]

Marco-

Jake had an IEP until middle school. He survived and has always done well in school (until puberty but that's another story.) I'm concerned about your sons age though. It seems to me he might be better off in a different type of school where he can try to catch up, and then mainstreamed if possible later on. As it is now, he'll be what, 20?, when he graduates high school. I'm afraid it might be too discouraging and alienating for him before he reaches graduation age. Kids have dropped out for less cause. Not trying to be depressing, just looking down the road. What you do now is critical. Love ya, breathe deep-Beth

C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000

[ohiochica]

martha, as i think we have talked before you know i am in the special educatins field. first off you need to act fast! in writing request a multi factored evaluation. give them 10 days to comply and set a meeting date for after that. at that point you will discuss how they are going to help resolve this situation. what they are wanting to do is NOT in his best interest. how can he bond with kids so much younger? he cant and without bonds he will not do well in that class. my strongest recomendation is to seriously look at other schools or a developemental delyaed classroom. the public school will HAVE to pay since they aprarently failed to teach him this year. i can help you with teh legalities of things and set you up with a parent advocate.

best wishes,
Becky

[marco25]

Wow everyone ... thanks so much for all your input. It was exceedingly abundantly more than I could have hoped for! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

We will definitely consider all the advice given here. It's a serious situation, as you can tell.

This is what's so confusing and aggravating. Up until this year, Ruslan has been an average to above average student. Because of the language issues and transition (he came here from Russia when he was 4 from an abusive background), he's had every test and evaluation imaginable. He's not LD but an IEP was drawn up for him last fall when his struggles began to surface. We've had countless conferences with teachers, consultants, the guidance counselor, private counselor, tutoring. He's in the best public school in town, and the principal is a family friend (she babysat us when we were kids). She's been very much involved.

Trust me when I say the circumstances of my divorce tramatized all of us, but it seems Ruslan absorbed a lot of that pain but didn't get the attention the rest of us were getting. He's SO angry at Scott and me for this divorce, so there's some depression that he still needs to work through. He's also ADHD and is up to 54 mgs of Concerta daily. (I hate that but his pediatrician thinks it's necessary at this point. He started out at 18 mgs daily.)

At one point a few months ago he just shut down. His teachers would tell me that he'd sit there in class in another world. When we work on homework together, it's as though he's never been exposed to division or the Great Lakes or whatever they're working on. He's clueless.

Also, some of you were aware of my eating disorder struggles about a month ago. Ruslan experienced the same while I was. We were both starving zombies for a while there. KLD and my doctor snapped me out of it, and we've both slowly but together http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif regained normal, healthy eating patterns. However, a visit to his doc after this showed that he'd only lost about a pound. I personally think he lost more than that.

Last March he had a huge science project about space exploration. Parents were told not to DO the project w/the kids but encourage, etc. Frankly I wasn't expecting much but offered my support. Ruslan DOVE into this project! Spent hours writing, drawing, coloring, building a spaceship out of Legos, etc. He even turned it in a day early! I couldn't believe this was my child! He made an A+!

However my heart broke the morning he was to turn it in. He was so excited, and I was so proud of him. Then he said, "Mom, if I get a good grade on this, will you and Dad get married again?" I couldn't believe my ears! When I said no, he looked so sad and then said that he thought that if he worked really hard we'd be happy again. OMG. He thinks it's all up to him. It's his fault. Common w/children in divorces.

After that ... he shut down again.

So there are obviously some serious emotional issues at play here. He and I are so much alike, which helps me to understand him, but I often don't know what to DO.

We're fortunate in that we do have resources to get him the help he needs regarding his education. Thankfully his father will not hesitate to use them if they will help him. BW, I have a degree in secondary (English) education, and while I was married, homeschooling was always a viable option. Now as a single working mother it isn't. Plus, a good friend pointed out that, because Ruslan and I are so much alike, we probably would kill each other! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif However, I even told Scott that if I could wave my magic wand, I would change our circumstances so that I could do that for Ruslan. It's just not reality anymore.

Thanks again everyone.

[Lindox]

martha,
Your problem is extremely complex.
I don't foresee a solution in the Public School district. Or in such high dosing of medicine.

Do you have Sylvan Learning Centers in your area?
They have done wonders with some children alike your boy here is Southern California.

He can't stay in this class of much younger children I wouldn't think and grow emotionally stable.

It seems he needs some very hearty counseling
about his dealings with his life.
Sometimes this isn't done with professional
counselors..but more with a very solid friendship with a big brother type of person.
Some people just can't open up to others.
And find it only comfortable when they are
in a constant type of friendship relationship.

It sounds like he needs someone not involved
directly in the family problems to help him
come to grip with them..I know bad explanation hope you understand.

He really loves you it seems..but just needs
time and help in putting all his ducks in a row.

Does he have friends his own age?
If not he needs some.

Sometimes when we are afraid of change...and he has experienced many out of his control..
we become afraid to advance. This can cripple
a young spirit. He has to become 12..and can't when only experiencing the life of a 9
year old.

Good luck Martha..and everyone no matter what age sometimes needs a rock to lean on.
Hope you and your son both find this.

"Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

[Broknwing]

Martha-
from what you've said it seems that he is a very bright young man. Your description of the science project seems to be a small glimpse into what he is capable of. You say he's ADHD & on a high dose of medication. Is it possible that as opposed to having ADHD he's bored? I'm sure that both my sister & I would have been diagnosed w/it when we were kids if we hadn't been in such a great school & if they diagnosed it back then like they do now. Instead, we were in a gifted education program. What I am trying to convey here is: Is it possible that he's failing 4th not so much because he doesn't or didn't understand the concepts being taught, but more to the point, he did & is bored so maybe not really paid much attention & didn't do the necessary work? I understand that he may also have the emotional issues you described as well, but I really have to wonder if he is Gifted. I'm sorry if I've rambled or don't make sense, I hope that something I've said may be of some help to you guys. I'm sorry that homeschooling is not an option & I'm sorry about the circumstances that make it so. I hope you find the answer you need and get him the best education that you can.

'Chelle

[marco25]

Lindox, you've made some great observations. Are you sure you don't live with us? http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

Sylvan is definitely an option, one that his father and I agree on. He's had counseling but it hasn't been enough, or right, or something. We're discussing that too. His friends are ALL younger than he is. Even as an 11 year old 4th grader, he hangs out with the 2nd and 3rd graders. The boys his age are WAY beyond him emotionally.

Like his mother, he hates change, but is definitely more traumatized by it than I am. For example one weekend he was gone I moved a rather "worn" antique chest of drawers into his room as a surprise, sort of a reward (long story, won't bore you with it). I couldn't wait to show him. Instead of being excited or even pleased, he looked hurt and confused. Then he looked at me with those big brown eyes and asked why I'd done that, where was the other dresser (which was a piece of junk), etc. Then he quietly said he would need some time to get used to it. I later apologized to him for not getting his permission to switch those dressers. Might seem petty to me but to him it was a serious violation.

So, we try to avoid changes like that when we can.

Yes, he needs that rock, and I'm afraid for almost a year now I've been a quivvering mass of toxic emotional waste--but I'm getting better, slowly but surely.

BW, he's bright but I don't think he's gifted. Who knows, maybe when he works through his stuff I'll discover a little Einstein but for now I'm trying to meet him "where he is." Sometimes I don't know where that is.

Thanks again everyone.

[woman from Europe]

Martha

Do you have any Rudolph Steiner schools close to you? I know children going to schools like this in Norway, and it is especilly for children who act a little different in normal schools. I found one link to a school in California. I know the map of the USA so I know it is very fare from you http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif but it has to be other schools like this

http://www.steinercollege.org/

This school in Norway is not very expencive, they have very good results. A friend of mine has a girl with a selectiv talking disorder, it means in this case, she does not speak to adults except her mother and her sisters. She is 12 and started to this school in November and are already talking to her teachers. And she has never done that in the public school.

TH 12 incomplete 12-12-69. I am still a walker but I do not know for how long time.

[marco25]

Yesterday afternoon Ruslan's father and I had a private discussion with him after he got home from school. We told him that, according to the state laws, he would be repeating the 4th grade. This clearly was a shock to him. Even though we'd been warning him for months, I believe he simply didn't think it would actually happen.

Monday he will be tested at Sylvan. We believe this is our best course of action at the time. After his evaluation, we'll determine how much time he'll be spending there this summer. Along with Sylvan, summer school is a viable option as well.

When I asked him how he felt about this news, he broke down crying. He was devastated. At one point he threw his arms around me and buried his face on my shoulder and bawled. My heart broke. He's a hurting, confused, scared, angry boy, trying so hard to figure out where he fits in.

When he walked out of the house with his father and sister for the weekend, I felt myself beginning to shut down again, to block out the pain. I knew I should be crying, but I couldn't. Sometimes being a parent is so overwhelming, and I don't feel smart enough or strong enough most of the time. Then I remembered someone saying that tears are a demonstration of our strength, that it takes strength and courage to let go of that shield we throw up at times to protect ourselves ... maybe, still can't. Time.

Thanks again everyone.

[marco25]

Update: Ru spent the day testing at Sylvan yesterday. Scott and I had a conference with the administrators today, and Ru is at his first session right now. He couldn't wait to go back! Whatever they do over there, it clicked with my son. He even thanked God for Sylvan last night when we said his prayers. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

But geez ... they aren't cheap. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif

[Sue Maus]

Good news amongst the clouds! Hang in there, Martha, you'll figure out the right path.

Hugs,
Sue

[1 Fine Spine RN]

Cheaper than military school...lol ..I bet he does great! All education is an equity investment..keep investing, you will have a great return...good luck Ruslan!

[Lindox]

Good to hear Martha.
Yes, I have heard from participants they are
not cheap..but out here nothing is..even the
private pre-schools are outlandish.

The Sylvan Center in the city I live does offer financial aid to those in need.

Sounds like he is interested in this type of
atmosphere.
Maybe after he gets caught up academically..
he could join a YMCA group or a Boys and Girls Club type of activity center and be exposed to interaction with children in his age group.

Hang in there girl.

"Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

[marco25]

Thanks Lindox ... I appreciate your advice and support, along with everyone elses. We've also enrolled him in summer school. June is not going to be a fun, carefree month for the boy but these are the consequences of ignoring our warnings and pleadings for months. Hopefully everything will click for him. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

Hey, military school is a definite option as far as I'm concerned. Maybe not now, but there's a great one in Mississippi. Actually it's not military but run by an order of monks. I know men who attended there as boys. They say it saved them from themselves. However I'm happy to say that we're not at that point yet with my son.

[DA]

home schooling. a tutor.

[marco25]

Originally posted by DA:

home schooling. a tutor.
Homeschooling ... I would if I could. Not possible anymore. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif

[duge]

Martha
How did he take your divorce? One man told me years ago when my brother got divorced that it would tear my family apart, he was right, Does he have much self esteem? I have a brother-in-law who has a learning disabbility and my wife drives a school bus for those and is a teacher's aid with them and just loves and helps those a great deal.
He may just need some special attention because of the divorce. You got a good kid!!! Have you ever tried counseling with him?
Just thought I might be able to help! Kid's are one of my biggest wouldn't call it a downfall but I just Love them and hate to see'em hurt
Duge
Btw like you avitar!!! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif

T-12 incomplete 10-3-02

[marco25]

Duge, thanks so much for your concern. Yep ... he's a great kid. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif He took the divorce hard, but we all did. It's been a rough time for all of us. So, unfortunately, while he was struggling and hurting, so was his mom, who was the only person around to support him. I couldn't function like the mother I had been for so many years. I believe this compounded his fear, anger, frustration, etc. even more. However, at one point, ALL of us were in counseling. So he got some help. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

[kimmyprettyface]

Martha-

Good call on getting him into Sylvan. You're on the right track with his education, now you need to get him emotional help. At his age, he doesn't need just some counseling he needs more than you or your ex. It needs to be consistent, as well. Getting him involved in a sports league, art class, or camp type thing would be a good idea, too. Then he could socialize with kids his own age outside the school setting and play catch-up. But, in my opinion he needs to be in consistent counseling. As much as this divorce has crippled everyone involved he was the only without a choice in the matter. His WHOLE world, the only world he knows has been torn to shreds, he sounds like he literally doesn't know what to do with himself, he doesn't know who to trust. When my parents divorced my middle sister was Ruslan's age and they never put us in counseling and I see the affect that had on her, on us all. It's not pretty. So, I would suggest consistent counseling apart from any counseling you get. Someone who just focuses on him. He sounds like a great kid- good luck getting him through this!

[marco25]

Hey Kimmy, thanks for the post. Yeah he's getting all the help possible right now. At times I get scared and discouraged because I see unhealthy behavior. For instance at almost 12 year old he comes up to me talking in a baby voice holding one of his stuff animals and tells me that "Brown" is scared or needs a kiss or wants me to hold him. Of course that usually means HE needs those things, so both get some special attention. I've been advised though that when he starts acting like this that I'm to talk to the 12 year old, not the 4 year old. Say, "Hey! Where's my big Ruslan? I want to talk to him! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif" This seems to draw him back into reality.

Seems Ruslan reverts back to that age when we first adopted him ... things were so stable and secure in our home--or at least seemed to be. Guess there are times I want to go back to that fantasy too, but we can't. Period.

He's also been involved in activities this summer with boys his age. It's an adjustment for him, but it's a good environment, so I'm encouraged. It will take time. Like you said, his world was ripped apart, and he's got to feel like he's in control of something.

Funny, he'll be 4 one moment and then he's 40! ... correcting my driving, telling me when I'm speeding. Wants to be a state trooper when he grows up, so I guess he's on his way! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

[marco25]

Ruslan has been in summer school, and it's been a struggle for him. He's been so stressed that he's lost 6 pounds, according to doc appt he had yesterday. He couldn't eat, would cry at night, started developing symptoms of hypochondria. He's in counseling. Turns out at school he's a bully magnet, and he lets them get to him. He even cries in front of them. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif

This is testing week. If he passes, he'll be able to move on to the 5th grade. He needs prayer, kharma, light, vibes, positive thoughts, cosmic hugs ... anything and everything! Thanks.

[duge]

Martha, I don't know what to say, I had my youngest who kinda was like that Bully magnet
I don't know what to tell you, I know he has to really feel bad. It's too bad that schools put that kind of pressure on kid's. Then also they should keep a watch out for those who do the Bullying You and I both know they know the ones that do it. If they would get to those kid's maybe it might stop! My son hated school the whole time and he finally graduated this past spring"what a releif" But I hope he passes tell him to just keep saying to himself "I will pass this test" and he will he's got to stay positive. Otherwise, Have you thought of home schooling, I know it's not a easy thing for you being single. I will be praying for him to pass
Doug

T-12 incomplete 10-3-02

[Broknwing]

Martha-
I will keep Ruslan in my prayers. I don't have any insight on this one, but I hope that something works itself out & he can get away from the bullys. It stinks that the determination of wether or not he'll go to 5th grade is solely on testing. I know that a lot of people have problems w/taking tests. They should really take into account the effort that he is putting in to passing summer school. Please keep us updated. You guys are in my prayers.

'Chelle
L-1 inc 11/24/03

[woman from Europe]

Martha

I send some good thoughts and a lot of vibes to Ruslan and I hope he is making the test.

TH 12 incomplete 12-12-69.

[betheny]

Martha-

In a way it is good Ruslan internalizes this stuff. There is no tolerance for kids defending themselves at school anymore. Jake used to attract bullies too. He was always so happy-go-lucky, right up until he snapped and wasn't. The bullies, regardless of size, always wondered how they wound up on the ground with the former target whalin' on them. And I always wondered how we wound up in the principal's office. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif

I feel so bad for Ruslan. There MUST be a better way.

When you have time to surf, here is a page of links for LD stuff. I know he isn't technically LD, but they cover ADD and other issues also. The new Links for Parents I posted a few days ago has many links for LD kids as well as physical disabilities. (Thank you Dana and Chris Reeve. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif )

LD links (http://www.irsc.org:8080/irsc/irscmain.nsf/cat?readform&cat=Learning+Disabilities&type=Web+Pages)

C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000

[This message was edited by Betheny on 07-07-04 at 12:27 PM.]

[duge]

Bethany
I don't blame your son for Knocking the **** out of those bullies, Unfornatly is seem's when they do they end up in the Principal's office, The school's just don't seem to watch for kid's doing this and then when a kid get's enough he get's punished and that is just plain old wrong!!!

T-12 incomplete 10-3-02

[Kaprikorn1]

Martha...Take him to Sylvan Learning Center. They have franchises all over the US and are very good at remedial. It's a little pricey but their results are great.

Kap

"It's not easy being green"

[Broknwing]

Kap-

I believe she said that he started going to Sylvan earlier this year & that it was starting to help him some. It's a great option to help him with his schoolwork.

'Chelle
L-1 inc 11/24/03

[TINAMARIE]

Martha,

I'm coming in very late on this, but I do feel for your family. I was 12 when my parents divorced. None of us received any counseling and I know how much harm that has done to me. Keep him in counseling as long as he is having problems...that gives him someone to vent to about you and his dad, if nothing else, but it is important to find a counselor he feels comfortable with. This may mean trying a few different people before you get the right one. I know for myself, that I need someone who feels right before I let them in on all my secrets.

My 9 yr old son has been having problems since my injury. We've done the counseling, upping his Concerta (he has ADHD also), everything we could think of. What has finally helped him was putting him in Karate. It may not be karate for Ruslan, but for Cameron it clicked. He's actually very VERY good at it and that is building up his self esteem like you wouldn't believe. Try to find something he is good at (or something he is really interested in) and get him into a class or group, whatever. Maybe once he feels better about himself he can apply himself to his studies and be at peace. This has really made a difference in my son.

My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I hope things improve for you and your son.

C5-C7 Walking Quad

[Broknwing]

Martha-

I think TinaMarie has a good idea w/martial arts. It's very disciplined, yet fun. I took Tae Kwon Do when I was in college. There were a lot of kids in there that looking back could have had similar issues to what Ruslan is dealing with. It might be a good experience for him, especially the self esteem & bully issues. A lot of times, you can find classes that are free or very inexpensive. My church used to offer them, I don't know if they still do, but it's worth checking into. Try your local United Methodist Church, they have a lot of programs that other churches don't offer. Good luck. I am still praying for your family.

'Chelle
L-1 inc 11/24/03

[marco25]

You guys are wonderful. Thanks for all your input, offers for help and encouragement. Chelle's right, he's enrolled in Sylvan but has taken a break during summer school. He loves it! Definitely worth the money. Martial arts sounds perfect for him as well.

I can tell his stress has been relieved somewhat, but he still frets about the strangest things. Last night he was looking in the mirror worried that his neck was too long. He obsesses about every part of his body, and freaks if he finds one freckle or bug bite. The fact is he's got a perfect body, perfect skin, he's just underweight now.

Lately, he's been asking me to sing the songs I'd sing to him before going to sleep when he was little. He talks in the baby voice, has me hold or kiss his stuffed animals. It's hard to sing when you want to cry, but I know he's getting all the help he needs. Just takes time.

Homeschooling ... if I were financially independent, that would be a no brainer. It's simply not possible now.

Today is the last day of testing. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He even asked me yesterday at breakfast if people were praying for him, so he's aware of it. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

Thanks so much.

[marco25]

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!

Just got the call ... Ruslan passed summer school (academics) and his retake of the state test!!! He's officially passed to the 5th grade!

Scott actually started crying on the phone when I called him. Our family is celebrating tonight! Ruslan is da man! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif

~ "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~ Ambrose Redmoon

[This message was edited by martha2 on 08-13-04 at 06:50 PM.]

[betheny]

Go Rufus!
Go Rufus!

Buy that boy a video game LOL!

C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000

[Broknwing]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so happy for you & for Ruslan. I hope he does well & enjoys 5th grade!!!

'Chelle
L-1 inc 11/24/03

[steveg]

Martha

That is so cool and I am so happy for you and your son and the entire family. Must make you proud. I'm glad you are taking time to celebrate! I was never a parent but my guess is that these are the times when all the hard work pays off. I had a football coach in high school that always said "make Mom proud" and it still sticks with me until this day. This must be one of those times for you. Make sure you post what you have as a celebratory dinner in the Food section tomorrow ;-)....Yeah my smileys are lame...

Steve

[Lindox]

That is such good news Martha.

Did he make any new friends in summer school?
Hope so..at least one good one.

Help is on the way.

[duge]

Martha
Tell him Congradulations!!!!!
He needs alot of love.
Doug

[Quad62]

Congratulations, Martha. This is such a great news for your family. Continue what you are doing, and you will never have to worry about it again.

[marco25]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'll show them to Ruslan later tonight. You should have seen his face when I told him the news. There was a special light in his eyes. Then he started jumping up and down "woo hoo-ing" and then hugged the dog. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Steve, it was definitely a proud mom moment. I didn't realize how stressed we'd all been about it until the relief came. He needed this ... bad. Guess we all did.

Think we're going to his/our favorite pizza restaurant, Deano's, but he's also mentioned Bennigans. Doesn't matter to me, it's his night. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif

~ "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~ Ambrose Redmoon

[Obieone]

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/aktion/action-smiley-078.gif
FOR RUSLAN .......... RIGHT ON GUY!!

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/party/party-smiley-020.gif
FOR MOM ...... HIS SUCCESS IS YOUR SUCCESS!! ENJOY!

Obieone

[steveg]

Martha

Don't forget to change the blue frowney face to a smiley face in the subject page of this message... http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

[marco25]

Done Steve http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

Ruslan started school Monday--the 5th grade at the (*gasp*) MIDDLE school. The night before, as I was tucking him into bed, he started crying. He was scared of the bigger boys being mean to him. He also said he wasn't ready for (*gasp*) middle school (read that "new" school), and he was afraid his father and I were going to make him join something (http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif). Poor little boy ... nothing I said seemed to help, but I promised him I'd stay at school with him as long as I was allowed to.

The next morning, you would have thought he was preparing himself for the firing squad. His breakfast was his last meal. When it was time to leave, he was devastated that I wasn't going to drive them to school ... we live TWO BLOCKS from the school!

However, once we met up with his father and we sat in the cafeteria together, he started recognizing all his friends and classmates from the elementary school. He actually started smiling! Then, he ended up with the hottest 5th grade teacher in the school. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/tongue.gif

After school, he came bursting into the house yelling, "I survived! I survived!" http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif He loves his teacher, his classmates AND .... he decided to join band and play the trumpet! I almost fainted. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

I don't know if it's because he's maturing some, or the experience of actually "failing" a grade, or his time at Sylvan ... but (so far) he's been much more organized and conscientious about his homework, supplies, etc.

Yesterday, he asked me to take him to see his teachers and principal at his old school. He took his binder to show them how organized it was (with no help from me). Last year his binder was a perpetual disaster, and I wasn't much of a help to him either during that time. Everyone made such a fuss over him, hugging and kissing. He had a big lipstick print on one cheek. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif One of his teachers and I started crying, we were all so happy and proud of him for working hard this summer. We knew he could do it.

So it feels like it's going to be a much better year. Mom is feeling better, so the kids are feeling better. It's amazing how we impact their lives like that.

Thanks again everyone for your support and encouragement. Ruslan appreciates it too. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

~ "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~ Ambrose Redmoon

[marmalady]

Uh -oh - trumpet, huh? Got some earplugs? http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

_____________
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa

[1 Fine Spine RN]

I played trumpet from 7th grade til high school and one year of college band. It was easy to learn and I had the time of my life in the marching band in high school. My daughter, unable to manage blowing an instrument with her asthma opted for percussion...I will be the one with the earplugs, but isn't it great how we get the privilege of seeing our kids grow and change and stretch and spread their wings? I am very excited for our young ones. Congrats to Ruslan..he has worked hard and taken responsibility...tell him for me that means that he is growing into a wonderful young man. Hip Hip Hurray!!!

Mary