View Full Version : Should I say something?
05-08-2004, 09:29 AM
I need some advice. My brothers, sister and I don't agree on what to do.
My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary May 29. They're going to renew their vows at our church followed by a party at their home. My mother is even having a bachelorette party Friday with her daughters and friends.
This is the deal. All of us are working on some big surprises for my parents. They have no idea. My sister and I have been knitting an afghan since January. It's a huge project. The brothers are working on other things as well. Time consuming, expensive, etc., but we all agree that our parents are worth it.
My mother for weeks now has been dropping little hints that she doesn't think we're interested or doing enough for her party. (You know how moms can be http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif) It's really starting to get on my nerves. I'm ready to tell Mom to chill, that we've got some surprises in store for her, but my siblings disagree, think it will make the surprises even more meaningful on the big day.
Maybe it's because I'm the oldest and I spend the most time with my parents, but her growing resentment is making me uncomfortable. We've got 3 more weeks to go. Should I just bite my tongue and keep quiet?
05-08-2004, 09:35 AM
I think you should put her at ease without telling her everything. Just let her know that you think its going to be a great party.
Sorry, I don't think that I know your Mother. With my mother, I'd just keep quiet and make sure that the surprises were special. I'd probably tell her that I might not be able to make it on the 29th. It really depends on you Mother and your relationship with her.
05-08-2004, 10:13 AM
Well, so far one for one.
I just had to more or less blow a wonderful wedding present that my aunt was giving Bert and his girlfriend. Doty, the aunt, actually won the grand prize at Jesses benefit this past December. It was a very expensive gas grill that was made locally by the hooterites (not sure if I spelled that right)and donated to the raffle.Bert was going out to buy himself a new gas grill since he is planning on having a big party in a few weeks. I had to tell him that Doty had decided to give him this grill as a wedding gift and he was so excited. My thoughts on your problem. If your mother obsessing about you kids not doing enough for her, then I think that it might take the fun out of the big day actually. She is upset right now..but I think telling her a few of your ideas (not necessairly that you made a quilt, but that something special is coming) will make her happy in the next 3 weeks...better for her to be happy now than be upset for 3 more weeks just to get a surprise in the end. Just my two cents.
"Oh Lord, bless me indeed, enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, keep me from evil, so that I will not cause pain."
05-09-2004, 04:18 AM
Thanks everyone for your input. I agree that I should do what I can to make her feel better. We're all gathering at her house for dinner today. I'll find a private moment with her to reassure her that the day will be very special, maybe adding a little wink and a smile, but no details.
She'll feel better then.
Funny thing is, a couple of weeks ago, I was at a medical center for some tests. I knew I'd spend a lot of time waiting, so I brought the piece of the afghan I was working on, which was pretty big at that point. As I was walking through the lobby area on my way out, I saw my father walking in, waving at me. OMG! I had this mass of knitting work and needles etc sticking out. There was no way I could hide it!
But I was cool. We stopped and talked etc. I just acted like nothing was unusual. He kept looking at all the stuff in my arms but neither of us said a word about it. Hopefully he forgot about it after we parted.
05-09-2004, 05:50 AM
Here's a picture of our progress as of last weekend. Please excuse my appearance (no bath, no make-up) and my sister's pile of laundry. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
The short piece closest to me is what I'm working on. I'm starting on the fourth square today. Our goal is to have it finished next weekend, then I'll be back in Houston so we can start assembling it.
http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gifHappy Mother's Day! I got to this party late but just wanted to say, yes, I agree, drop a few hints to ease your mom's mind, without giving away the suprises! That afghan is going to be gorgeous Martha! My mom used to do all kinds of needlework before her condition made it impossible and knitting was one of them, so I know how much work goes into something like that! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
That is too funny about your dad running into you while you were holding the afghan! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif It reminds me of the time 4 years ago that my sisters and I wanted to buy our dad a computer for his 70th birthday. He'd talked about getting one for a long time. None of us had the money to just go buy one so we had a "yard sale" on Ebay for several months before his birthday. We got everyone in our family to donate items to sell. Our mom wasn't able to do any of the busy work, and she didn't have stuff to sell. She didn't want to get rid of any of her stuff as she'd only saved things that meant something to her. BUT, she did have iris beds all over the place. And as you know, to bloom well, iris need to be thinned out every few years. And due to her condition, it had not been done in quite some time. So, excess iris everywhere. We could make money AND improve the iris health at the same time. We sold lots of them on Ebay starting at 9.99 for one dozen. Mama got to contribute to the "cause" that way, and they were great sellers! Well, we couldn't let our dad know the secret, but he did know we were selling Mama's iris on Ebay. He thought we were doing it to make money for ourselves! Which he would not have begrudged us, but as the months went by, and we sold more and more iris, and could be seen out digging in their yard often, and at all hours, you could tell it was starting to get under his skin a little! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif We enjoyed this though, because he has always been "bad" to pick and tease at us. And it was so close to time to the party that we just let him ride it out, thinking we were stripping their yard for profit. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif He'd make a little comment about digging up his iris and we'd just laugh and say, "They are MAMA's iris, and she said we could!" http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif It really "got his goat" when after we gave him the computer, we told him that the iris scheme was part of the reason we were able to get it. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif But, he was also very touched that we did all that just for him. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
Long story, but I think you can relate! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
And you look cute with no bath or makeup! If it makes you feel better, I haven't done that today yet either! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif I'm about to go brush dogs, so a bath would be wasted at this point! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
Peace, Carol http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif
05-09-2004, 12:59 PM
Love the story about the irises, X. What a great idea! Thanks also for the kind words.
Mom was ok today, and seems my brothers also sensed they needed to hint that there might be some activity she was unaware of behind the scenes. That seemed to please her a bit. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
05-30-2004, 05:57 PM
Just wanted to share that the anniversary party was wonderful. The afghan was finished, of course, at the very last minute. I was up until 3 a.m. working on it, but it turned out beautifully. I will post a pic of the completed project asap.
We had a small wedding/vow renewal service at our church, communion and all. I was asked to give the homily. I started crying when I saw my father crying, and he weeps like a baby. Then all kinds of other people were crying, even the minister. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif It was a sweet celebration of love, marriage, family and friendships. I was so proud of my parents, my siblings, my children ... we are indeed blessed.
Mom was so excited about the festivities that she forgot about her "do-nothing" daughters. You should have seen her face when she opened the afghan. She can't stop talking about it.
Anyway, you can survive these things. Just stay cool, work hard, and keep a sense of humor. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gifMartha I'm so glad the anniversary celebration went well! Wow, I almost started crying thinking about everyone crying! That is so sweet and touching! Sounds like it was a huge success! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
I can't wait to see a pic of the afghan! I really appreciate needlework even though I don't have the patience to do it myself! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/tongue.gif I admire those of you that do though. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
06-01-2004, 06:07 AM
Wow Martha, glad all went well. I was moved to tears aswell just reading about it in a post. Being there in the moment must have been awesome.
When my mom and dads 25th anniversary came up my sister and I rented a legion hall and invited all of my parents family and friends. We told my mom about it but not my dad. We told him that he was going to a birthday party for the doctor my mom and sister worked for. Even talked him into making a big batch of his famous potatoe salad for the event. snicker snicker! When my parents came into the hall and dad seen all his brothers and old buddies he began to cry. It was just something he will never forget.
Your parents are soo lucky to have such wonderful children.
06-01-2004, 10:49 AM
Wow, X and annabelle ... I really appreciate your kind words. As we know, families can be a huge pain sometimes, and then there are those times that make it all worthwhile.
06-02-2004, 10:41 AM
Hi Martha. I have such a warm feeling reading this thread. My parents reached their 52nd anniversary before their deaths (they both died in 2002). By the time their 50th rolled around, they were both in such physical and mental decline that a big party wasn't feasible, and we opted to hold a small family get together instead. It was a good thing. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif Today I have the anniversary clock we gave them, and the congrats from the Presidential office, and other gifts and it makes me smile every time I look at them knowing I was able to help them celebrate such a special day that not many reach.
I am sure you made many lovely memories for years to come and will cherish them always. I"m so glad it turned out so well for you. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif