Emi2
04-16-2004, 12:53 PM
OMG, these next few years are going to be crazy! Violet's crawling now, and pulling up to standing and she gets into absolutely everything she isn't supposed to. She just wants to go go go. Jose is up here every 15 minutes rescuing her from something new. In the last hour shes escaped from the computer room, gotten stuck under her high chair, opened her bedroom door where she then ripped up a book and pulled all the tape from a cassette. I don't know how able bodied parents keep up, I certainly can't.
ODE TO A TODDLER
If it's on, I must turn it off.
If it's off, I must turn it on.
If it's folded, I must unfold it.
If it's high, it must be reached.
If it's shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it's pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it's plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it's not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it's in the trash, it must be removed, inspected
and thrown on the floor.
If it's closed, it must be opened.
If it doesn't open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it's a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator,
computer monitor or table.
If it's full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it's empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it's a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it's a stroller, it must under no circumstances be
ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me
instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must
walk alone.
If it's paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it's toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the
floor.
If it's a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it's YOUR toothbrush, it must be inserted into my
mouth.
If it's MY toothbrush, it must be inserted into YOUR
mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full
force.
If it's a phone, I must talk into it.
If it's a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on
the floor.
If it's not food, it must be tasted.
If it's food, it must NOT be tasted.
If it's dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or
toilet water.
If it has a tail, I must yank it.
If Mommy wants me to come, I must run away.
If Mommy wants me to go away, I must CLING ON FOR DEAR
LIFE!
If it's stacked up, it must be knocked down.
If it's sticky, it must go in my hair.
If it's bath time, I must run around naked till I am
caught!
If it is a rock, it must be picked up.
If it is a doll, it must not wear clothes.
If it is Mommy or Daddy, it must be hugged.
I am a toddler!
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"
~ Anon
ODE TO A TODDLER
If it's on, I must turn it off.
If it's off, I must turn it on.
If it's folded, I must unfold it.
If it's high, it must be reached.
If it's shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it's pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it's plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it's not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it's in the trash, it must be removed, inspected
and thrown on the floor.
If it's closed, it must be opened.
If it doesn't open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it's a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator,
computer monitor or table.
If it's full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it's empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it's a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it's a stroller, it must under no circumstances be
ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me
instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must
walk alone.
If it's paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it's toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the
floor.
If it's a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it's YOUR toothbrush, it must be inserted into my
mouth.
If it's MY toothbrush, it must be inserted into YOUR
mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full
force.
If it's a phone, I must talk into it.
If it's a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on
the floor.
If it's not food, it must be tasted.
If it's food, it must NOT be tasted.
If it's dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or
toilet water.
If it has a tail, I must yank it.
If Mommy wants me to come, I must run away.
If Mommy wants me to go away, I must CLING ON FOR DEAR
LIFE!
If it's stacked up, it must be knocked down.
If it's sticky, it must go in my hair.
If it's bath time, I must run around naked till I am
caught!
If it is a rock, it must be picked up.
If it is a doll, it must not wear clothes.
If it is Mommy or Daddy, it must be hugged.
I am a toddler!
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"
~ Anon