View Full Version : Protecting our children ...
01-22-2004, 06:34 PM
As many of us are registering our children on Care/Cure and getting them involved in the forums, I thought I'd state the obvious: we parents need to watch our children, even on Care/Cure. We're already aware of some of the questionable behavior and/or personalities that occasionally surface in other forums, especially R&S. I'd hate to think of any of that trickling into Family, but it may have already.
I don't want to be an alarmist, but I'm writing purely from personal experience. A few years ago, I had a cyber stalker, and it was not a fun or glamorous experience. I'm also aware that I'm one of several female Care/Cure members who receive unsolicited, persistent, suggestive emails from various male members. I'm a big girl ... I can handle it. But the thought of my children being a recipient of the aforementioned makes me sick.
So, I know I'm preaching to the choir, but please monitor your child's emails, any instant messaging they may engage in, and their private topics.
BTW, in case anyone is wondering, none of this is directed at Duge; however, his post earlier today triggered my thinking along these lines. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
01-24-2004, 05:22 PM
Thanks for the heads up, Martha - sometimes I wish for the days of carrier pigeons!
Nobody on this site - adult or child - should be the victim of inappropriate behavior by other members. It saddens me greatly that this has happened; I would think that members would remember the purpose this site was created for, and not use it for their own nefarious benefit.
Tough times don't last - tough people do.
01-25-2004, 07:22 PM
This should be a Members ONLY forum, if it isn't already. Although this won't secure anyone, especially young members from unsolicited attention, at least this will prohibit public from viewing/posting.
Just remwmber, that ANYONE can register and create any profile they want, so parents and moderators should keep very close eye on activity here (as well as communication via email, IM's etc), as I'm sure they are fully aware
01-26-2004, 06:19 AM
Chick, you're right. Making it a members only forum is a good idea but, like you said, not guaranteed protection. I think we all agree that it's ultimately not up to CareCure--but the parents--to protect the children here.
I for one hover over them to the point of suffocation. Tatiana orders me away while she's writing her posts. LOL. And then the editor in me wants to "fix" them. Agh! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/tongue.gif
BTW, can I share something that happened with the kids yesterday because of CareCure? Tata and Ruru were looking at the pictures I posted of them recently. When Tata read what I'd written about her stealing food just so they could live (in Russia), she started to cry. She'd forgotten about that. She called Ruru over to read it. Of course he'd forgotten about that too. There was a quiet moment when the two of them just stared at each other. I can't describe the looks on their faces, but it was beautiful. It started another obviously much-needed discussion about what they've been through, what they have now (even though we still don't have a Lexus! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/tongue.gif), and what the future could hold for them in America--or in Russia if they ever want to go back.
Folks, I can't tell you what a sweet time that was. Thanks. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
01-26-2004, 07:54 AM
For me too have you given me pause for thought Martha! I was so focused on my kids having somewhere to go to express their feelings and ask questions etc. that I lost sight of the obvious risks that come with the territory. I'm not as concerned about cyber-stalkers (maybe I should be - but the older girls and I have talked alot about the whole internet relationship game and I am watchful even if they are not aware http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif ... I'm more computer savy then they think http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif) its the content of some of our more "adult" conversations that I have become more vigilant of. And even though Kat and I have talked very openly about many things I forgot that I have an obligation to her and the other contributers here to use some discretion in what she is reading ... after all I sometimes post in the R & S forum myself http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/eek.gif - Now I have LJ to guard too since she has begun coming here and although she is just 9 years old she is mature beyond her years http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif !
P.S. I do the editing thing too Martha....with some retraint - afterall - I want her to be free with her thoughts to some degree!! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif
1 Fine Spine RN
01-26-2004, 09:48 AM
Thank you for this discussion. I do not let my kids post here, but perhaps after my next visit with them to Dr. Young, they will have something to tell the other kids concerning hopes they have for SCI in the future. I am exposing my very sheltered privileged suburban middle schoolers to a glimmer of a not so pretty world. They are aware of the realities of disability and how it can challenge and limit a family. I felt it was important to show them, like Martha, that there are all sides of life, and lots of choices to be made. One day my son told me after leaving "Wisey's" office, that if "Wisey did not find the cure, maybe I will..." Am I raising a hungry scientist, I don't know...but first and foremost I am responsible to protect them on the internet. Heck, maybe one of these days I will allow them to actually answer the phone....lol
Anyway...thanks Martha for your diligence and dedication to this community.
01-26-2004, 11:36 AM
Just a side note. I was an AOL subscriber during the time of the cyberstalker. After a police investigation, the determination was made there was enough evidence to subpeona AOL for the state this subscriber lived in--not his name, address, etc.--just his state of residence.
At the same time this same police dept had proof that a KNOWN child molester in our county was using AOL to contact and molest children. Our subpeona was sent with that subpeona.
AOL refused to cooperate with either! The protection of the molester and the stalker were more important.
I was infuriated to the point of nausea, not so much for my own case, but the child molester situation ... that was too much. It was at this time too AOL was coming out with their big "family friendly" campaign.
Family friendly words cannot describe my sentiments for AOL. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/mad.gif http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif
I'm ashamed to say that last year, because it was free with our new computer, we became AOL users once again. I kid you not, the porn pop up ads were out of control ... in the middle of the day! the kids doing research online! actual videos of intercourse in various positions, combinations and groupings!
That was the last straw. Tightwad that I am, I yanked it. To this day I despise AOL. Maybe the others are just as bad, but I've never been so personally outraged by an ISP in my life. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/mad.gif
01-26-2004, 09:47 PM
Martha2 is right, there are strangers on the block. Please let us know if anything makes you or your children uncomfortable. Note time and screen names. I don't know if we can help, but I do know we can try...
C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000
01-27-2004, 09:59 PM
please let me know of any odd or distrubing online happenings. i will then forward all info to my uncle who specializes in computer crimes. not one person has ever escaped his wrath.
01-28-2004, 03:07 AM
Thank you for your offer, Ohiochica; however, the proper procedure for reporting any untoward events relating to the forums would be to notify the moderators and/or administrators.
Tough times don't last - tough people do.
01-28-2004, 05:17 AM
It is a good idea to make this a members' only forum. I have just gone ahead to do so. Wise.
01-28-2004, 10:51 AM
very true they should have it pulled off the site immediately, but if you want to make sure criminal prosecution is taken then let me know. i am not at liberty to give out his email, but i will contact him in regards to any icky stuff. one site i am on is for special needs chilldren and you cant imagine the stuff that is sent there.