View Full Version : One Year
martha
03-24-2002, 01:05 PM
Well, it's one year ago today. Amazing how lives can be changed in the few seconds it takes to fall 12'. I'm (as usual) incredibly depressed. Don't want to dwell on it, but can't seem to get it out of my mind. He's ignoring it or else just doesn't care (denial still? or really that much better adjusted than me?). After the alarm went off this morning and I dozed during the 9 minute "snooze", I dreamed he got up and started walking. What a horrible disappointment to wake up again. Sorry, just venting. (I know I promised not to do that any more marmalady, but it's not the first promise I've broken unfortunately).
martha
The early stages is something I never got in on, didn't meet hubby till he was 4 years post. For him his injury date was Mothers Day, what a gift his mom got that year. We were discussing it last year when he realized it was Mothers Day and spaced it as anniversary day. He said as the years have gone by (29) he just focused on what was good that year and pretty soon Mothers Day went back to being what it had been originally. Last year mom was out here with us and since it had been a 4 day celebration we forgot it was Mothers Day and he forgot about anniversary day. From some of the other 'old timers' I have talked to they say the same thing, after a while you are so busy living your life injury day kind of loses it's impact and becomes another day.
Most of the spouses I know met their mates after the injury so don't have any info from that side of the house
martha
03-24-2002, 02:10 PM
Thanks Tag. I really do think for him it's just another day. Sunday, golf on TV, just like every other Sunday. In reality, I guess for me it's like every other day too -- mountains of laundry, bills to pay, house to clean, garbage to go out, cooking to do, and fetching and toting to be done. Sorry, but this life sucks pond scum.
martha
rbyrd49100
03-24-2002, 02:54 PM
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have had that same dream about Steve, and it always like having a brick hit you in the face when you wake and the realization hits you. Since I lost my Mom last year to a stroke, now I have two bricks hitting me in the face every morning.(Which could explain a lot) http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
Anyway I hope you feel better about things soon. I truly believe that something good is going to happen in the near future to improve the lives of all SCI's.
Also, if you ever need anything I am in Houston so please keep that in mind. Just a few miles and a big old TALL bride between us. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
Russ Byrd
rbyrd49100
03-24-2002, 03:19 PM
lol..I mean't "bridge"
Russ Byrd
martha
03-24-2002, 03:31 PM
Just teasing Russ. Actually the huge bridge is on the other side of me. We're just on the mainland side. Are you and Steve still going to UTMB? Would love for you to stop by sometime. I've tried to e-mail you to check on you two, but my e-mails keep bouncing. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/frown.gif
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. That's a tough one to handle at any time, but especially on top of everything else you and Steve have been through. My sincere sympathy.
martha
marmalady
03-24-2002, 04:05 PM
Dear Martha,
((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
The first year is a toughie; I had flashbacks, and was in tears almost the whole day. It does get easier, though, we hit 3rd last November, and it was decidedly easier. Hubbie may very well be taking a trip down that ole river, de-Nile, or he may just not be able to be vocal about what he's feeling. How about just sitting and talking, and let HIM know how YOU feel?
((((((((((((((((MORE HUGS))))))))))))))))))
_____________
Tough times don't last - tough people do.
martha
03-24-2002, 08:09 PM
Thanks Jackie. Just needed to vent I guess. This is such a wonderful place to do that and not have to worry about what friends and family would think of you! http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif
I appreciate everyone's support and "friendship" on here. What a great place to visit.
martha
cheesecake
03-25-2002, 05:58 AM
A big hug toyou. I sometimes think that the anniversary is harder on my spouse than on me, although it still pack a punch here too.
I am glad that you can use the site to vent!! Everyone needs a place to let it out.
As time passes, the pain eases. Losses become less important and successes are what the years get measured by. At 11 years post I am still a blend of the two. My anniversary is my birthday and yes, it sucks pond scum. There is no right or wrong to the grieving and adjusting of SCI....it just is.
Be kind and gentle with yourself http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif
martha
03-25-2002, 10:26 AM
Cheesecake, thanks for the kind words. Wow! Your birthday, Tag's hubby on Mother's Day! At least we just got a nondescript Saturday and nothing to have to make it even worse than it is. Guess that should be a blessing I count.
martha
spinner's wife
03-26-2002, 10:54 AM
Wow I have known my husband 2 yrs/he is 5yrs post. I have never had a walking dream of him. I have never seen him walk and I would love to have a dream to see him "upright" and walking...we talk about heaven a lot when all things will be possible and we can slow dance...thanks for sharing, it made me think today...
marmalady
03-26-2002, 05:04 PM
Martha, My Dear - Just reread your original post; you don't have to promise me not to rant; this IS the place to rant - rant on!!!! This is the only safe place to rant!!! As hubbie would say, 'you have to pop the pimple somehow, or it'll get infected'. Gross analogy, but it's true. We're here for ya, lady.
_____________
Tough times don't last - tough people do.
duramater
03-26-2002, 07:25 PM
That really was a gross analogy, but as you say I think spot on!!
Mary