Depression....what can you do?

[AliceM]

It is devastating to see the one you love the most suffer constantly. My son's injury is almost two years old. He has always refused anti-depressants. I have tried to cheer him up which seems to have little effect. What can I do? Do I ignore him, try to get him using his wonderful mind thinking about sports, etc.? I am at a loss. He got a chocolate lab puppy 4 months ago and she has helped temper his dark moods. The weekends and holidays are his worst times. He talks constantly of the mountain bike trails, back packing adventures, etc. always in terms of I will never get to experience again. If I say once we get your pain in control, you can go biking, hiking etc. he becomes very mad. He says, "it is not the same Mom". His dark moods spread to me and it is so hard to fight it and remain positive which is my nature. I am looking forward to reading your adivse. Thank you.

[SCI-Nurse]

I suspect with your comment on refusal to take meds that he would also refuse to participate in counseling, but this is what he needs to do. You could probably benefit from a family counseling situation linked to individual counseling for him.

Peer counseling would also be invaluable to him. Is he linked up with any SCI peers through school, sports, disability rights organizations, etc.?

Trying to "cheer" up someone who has a serious depression or adjustment disorder will not be effective and will probably only end up in both you and he being more frustrated and angry.

[zaziwe]

It would be great for him to come to the website and interact with us. He will realize there are others going through the same thing, and won't feel so alone.
I'll email him if you like.

Hang in there!

http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

[Clipper]

Alice,

What level injury is your son? I am 30 years old, C5/6, 12 years post-injury. I cannot relate to your son's pain, but I do understand his feelings of depression. Many people told me that I would benefit from being involved with other disabled people, that this would help me see the many things I could do. For some people, this works. For me, it did not. The most important thing for me was to get back to my life -- my friends, my hobbies, my joys. This isn't possible with everything, obviously. But being active -- physically AND mentally -- is hugely important. Get him back into his career, if possible. Get him active and out of the house. Get him thinking about the future. Show him that his knowledge is needed in this world. I also agree that counseling would be a great help.

[AliceM]

Originally posted by Clipper:


Hi Clipper,

Thank you for your response! My 26 year old son was injured on Nov. 18, 1999. He has incomplete T3 and T11 injuries and suffers from spasms and intense pain. He is a working chemical engineer. He works about half of the time in an office and the other at his home. His work has helped, although he still longs for his "old life" where he felt like he had it all. I keep thinking when will he will start to look forward, intead of always focusing on what he lost. I have had people tell me that some SCI patients never recover mentally and others take years. Maybe it is just patience? His hobbies all included physical activity. I think he struggles with reinventing himself. He has considered playing the guitar...it sits there, he considers drawing..it doesn't happen. I wish he would chat on this website but then he is too tired. How involved are you with your family? I sometimes think I should back off substantially so he would move on, but then I worry that he would give up and end it all. If you have time I would appreciate your thoughts. Take Care, Alice Alice,

What level injury is your son? I am 30 years old, C5/6, 12 years post-injury. I cannot relate to your son's pain, but I do understand his feelings of depression. Many people told me that I would benefit from being involved with other disabled people, that this would help me see the many things I could do. For some people, this works. For me, it did not. The most important thing for me was to get back to my life -- my friends, my hobbies, my joys. This isn't possible with everything, obviously. But being active -- physically AND mentally -- is hugely important. Get him back into his career, if possible. Get him active and out of the house. Get him thinking about the future. Show him that his knowledge is needed in this world. I also agree that counseling would be a great help.

[Sci Mom]

Hi Alice,

You sound like me; a positive person who always tries to see the good in situations, people and whatnot! My daughter is 20, and was injured at T11/T12 two years ago. She never suffered through major depression, but it does irritate her when people make remarks about what she can still do, etc. People don't really understand that things aren't the same anymore. She has pointed out that, yes she can still go horseback riding, but those people who say that so cheerfully have no idea of the energy she must put out to do all those things that used to be so easy. Your son is right; it's not the same, and it never will be. Doesn't mean he can't do it, but it will take a lot more effort on his part. Maybe you just need to acknowledge that; things ARE different, and that really stinks. Tell him that! He knows it's true, but maybe he just needs to hear it from you, too. I've learned not to try and "fix" everything for my daughter, but to sometimes just agree with her, and let things go. She's smart and stubborn; she's going to go far in spite of this injury. And, she knows she has my support and love if she ever needs to fall back on it. Well..I wish you luck. Being a mom is tough, eh? I hope this helps some. You're not alone in this, so keep us all posted.
Vicky

[Clipper]

Alice,

My family has been absolutely fantastic. I chose a different road than many people after I was injured, which isn't possible for everyone. Although my parents would have welcomed me with open arms, I decided not to live with them -- or even in the same city -- after my accident. They had moved to a different state three months before my accident, and I felt that my base of support was "back home" in the city in which I was raised. I was fortunate to have a very loving "significant other" to live with and help me move on emotionally. I think my life would have been very different had I stayed with my parents or lived near them. Mom's chicken soup can cure most anything, but a spinal cord injury isn't one of them. That fact is true for every parent, and is perhaps the hardest thing for you to cope with. It kills me to think of the emotional pain my parents have faced, but I think I have been motivated to show them that I am successful and happy. They have flown here at the drop of a hat when I needed help or support, and I have cried my eyes out with them when I am sad. I talk to my parents at least once a day, if not more. We live on opposite coasts. I'm also very close to my big brother. My parents have offered to move here, so they can be closer to me. But it's important that they have lives too. It's been therapeutic for my mom to become very involved in funding for cure research. I am proud of the progress she has made.

There is no "one" answer that I can provide. I wish I could. Everyone deals with loss and sadness in their own way. Some people become activists. Others bounce back immediately and are providers of an infinite supply of positive energy. Most people, myself included, take it day by day. Some days are going to suck, sure. Your son is 26 years old. He sees all the things he used to do, and all the things he could have done. I see someone who has a great mom, a wonderful mind and endless potential.

I think you said it perfectly when you mentioned "re-inventing" himself. This is so true. I couldn't play sports anymore (not to my satisfaction, at least), so I became a sports journalist. I couldn't be a pilot like my dad and brother, so I went to school for my master's in aeronautical science. Now I consult in aviation safety. I'm not the kind of person who exudes happiness. I'm cynical, I have a dry sense of humor, and I get downright angry at times. It may just take your son a little time to find himself again. Whatever the case, continue to support him and surround him with your love. I would be more than happy to talk to you, or your son, on the phone or via e-mail.

Clipper

[Steven Edwards]

Hi Alice,

After my spinal cord injury, I tried doing some of the same things I did before my injury and realized that no, they weren't the same. Did I stop doing them? Yup. I think it helped me emotionally by leaving those "past things" in the past. I decided to learn new things so that I never had to think "Gawd, this was much more fun before I broke my neck."

Try to get him away from the old stuff he used to do and get him around some new stuff, whatever that may be. Then he can actually feel the satisfaction of learning/doing something new again and quite possibly continue doing these new things and realize "Hey, I can still do things well." After building himself up that way, he can try some of his former hobbies again. Even if he can't do them as well as he did pre-SCI, he will think "I can't do that anymore, instead I can [whatever...]"

Just my suggestions. :-)

-Steven

[AliceM]

Originally posted by Clipper:

Hi Clipper,
Your email message is filled with great insight. Finding employment associated with your pre-SCI passions is a wonderful idea. I will definitely try to make some subtle suggestions to my son.

I am so surprised that you live away from your parents. I have great admiration for both you and your parents. I live five houses away from my son; however, I see him frequently and help him with meals, gardening, shopping, etc. I worry about him all of the time. Before his accident I did not feel compelled to see him everyday...what has happened to me? I have a job opportunity that would take me to Turin, Italy in May 2002. I have tortured myself about leaving my son, yet I want this job. I worry because in the event of an emergency it would take me 24 hours to return home. My husband has offered to stay to make sure our son has good care, but I agonize over this choice.

Your Mom's efforts regarding fund raising for SCI cures is wonderful. Which agency does she support? I want to help provide time and funds. I send contributions, but I am not confident that these agencies use the money effectively (the percentage spent on the cure versus administrative costs) and or that it is going towards a cure for individuals with SCI. It seems like most of the research I read about is geared towards treating individuals receiving a new injury. This is absolutely important; however, I wish I saw more research geared towards recovery for long-term SCI patients.

Thank you for taking the time to write to me.

Take Care, Alice
Alice,

My family has been absolutely fantastic. I chose a different road than many people after I was injured, which isn't possible for everyone. Although my parents would have welcomed me with open arms, I decided not to live with them -- or even in the same city -- after my accident. They had moved to a different state three months before my accident, and I felt that my base of support was "back home" in the city in which I was raised. I was fortunate to have a very loving "significant other" to live with and help me move on emotionally. I think my life would have been very different had I stayed with my parents or lived near them. Mom's chicken soup can cure most anything, but a spinal cord injury isn't one of them. That fact is true for every parent, and is perhaps the hardest thing for you to cope with. It kills me to think of the emotional pain my parents have faced, but I think I have been motivated to show them that I am successful and happy. They have flown here at the drop of a hat when I needed help or support, and I have cried my eyes out with them when I am sad. I talk to my parents at least once a day, if not more. We live on opposite coasts. I'm also very close to my big brother. My parents have offered to move here, so they can be closer to me. But it's important that they have lives too. It's been therapeutic for my mom to become very involved in funding for cure research. I am proud of the progress she has made.

There is no "one" answer that I can provide. I wish I could. Everyone deals with loss and sadness in their own way. Some people become activists. Others bounce back immediately and are providers of an infinite supply of positive energy. Most people, myself included, take it day by day. Some days are going to suck, sure. Your son is 26 years old. He sees all the things he used to do, and all the things he could have done. I see someone who has a great mom, a wonderful mind and endless potential.

I think you said it perfectly when you mentioned "re-inventing" himself. This is so true. I couldn't play sports anymore (not to my satisfaction, at least), so I became a sports journalist. I couldn't be a pilot like my dad and brother, so I went to school for my master's in aeronautical science. Now I consult in aviation safety. I'm not the kind of person who exudes happiness. I'm cynical, I have a dry sense of humor, and I get downright angry at times. It may just take your son a little time to find himself again. Whatever the case, continue to support him and surround him with your love. I would be more than happy to talk to you, or your son, on the phone or via e-mail.

Clipper

[Annabanana]

Alice your sons depression sounds relatively normal for a recent SCI. I am 6 years post and I went through exactly the same thing, and occasionally still do although it has become less and less common now.

It is VERY hard to let go of hobbies and activities that bought us so much pleasure particularly ones that helped us to grow as a person, either physically or emotionally. I used to do a lot of running and horse-riding, and now to see someone running always tends to make me feel a little bit sad. But in time your son should hopefully come to manage these thoughts and feelings to the best of his ability.

I think though that being injured two years now is long enough for you to start tough loving him a little bit. When he starts off about what he cant do, dont give him other options as to what he can do, as that isnt the answer that he wants. You cannot give him the right answer.

It sounds like your son was pretty content with the life he had, and the realization that he now has to sculpt a new life around his dis can take a long time to come to terms with. I guess you can only be there to love, support, give advice, etc, but even so that will only help when he reaches a certain level of peace within himself.

Hang in there and all the very best to you both.

[glomae]

what reason does he give for not taking medication for depression. a lot of people attach a stigma to taking anti depression meds, but no ones superman or woman and the truth is if your not depressed at some time then you're not normal and if you've got SCI then you are going to get depress. if someone gave you a pill that could help you walk again we'd take it in a heart beat well anti depression meds can help your mind get back up and going so why not? just a thought and good luck http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif

[TD]

Hi, Alice. This may sound cruel but I think it needs to be said. You mentioned a job offer that would take you to Turin, Italy. Considering all that you have posted I think it would do your son a world of good to become as independent as possible. To help him do this you should take that job in Turin. This will give your son the time he needs to learn his independence.

On the other hand, I do not know if I can justify going to the mediteranean area at this time. There are some terrible things afoot and you need to weigh the pros and cons of going.

A very wise woman once told me, "If you get the chance to travel, do it while you are young enough to enjoy it."

"And so it begins."

[joseph]

You sound so good in terms of being positive and moving forward. My son name is Justin,23 yrs old, two and half years post C5, He has biceps and nothing more. He spends alot of time conversing with friends via email and phone, playing fantasy sports and watching all his sporting events on TV, along with all the other shows he enjoys. He has some fears about continuing his schooling.So he's not very productive with his life at this point and we've talked very plainly about that with each other. We treat him like a King. In fact we all call him King Justin .He goes out a few nights a week to clubs with his old friends and we have Bible studys at our house that he really enjoys.He doesn't like conversing much on this site or getting together with people who are struggling with the same issues in life. He says it makes him depressed. His focus is always on the positive and enjoying his day.Im his main care giver and after 2 and half years my energy is wearing a bit thin. I struggle about things I never had a problem with before.Some of which I probably would never say except to my closest friends and even they may not understand. Ive always prided mself on being pretty open about Lifes difficult issues but I must say I feel very alone in this one. I love my son more then life itself but I to fear that we may be stuck in this mode for awhile yet to come. Hoping for the cure. So we can move forward.

[Tara]

I am a 21 female 3 years post-injury. My parents have been incredibly supportive throughout my entire ordeal but maybe a little too much so. I know that this is probably the hardest thing a parent could ever face but knowing that is really hard on me as well. They always want to help (or take over) everything I do.
I was at a stage in my life where I was really independant and had many plans- when my accident happened, everything fell apart and my parents swooped in and wanted to do EVERYTHING for me. And I just let them. They were too involved in everything and I had no space.
This past summer I took an internship in a large city and moved away from them. I had the best time I've had since my injury. I had my own apartment and stuff and 'Space.' Now I am living with them again and can't handle it. It is at their house that that I get mad at them and then I get frustrated and depressed from the guilt. I plan to move out for Dec. 1. They want me to stay but I get along much better with them when I am on my own.
Life sucks like this but hopefully it won't be too much longer. I think that your son is capable of doing more for himself and I wish him the best. He needs some independance.

[joseph]

Question for you Tara.Do you need care around the clock? or can you do some things for yourself. There is not a hole lot Justin can do for himself. I no of people with the same level of function who are on their own, so I know it's possible. But they manage a bunch of care givers with a lot of difficulties. We have talked about it and I hope up the road he could move in that direction. But we'll see. We generally get along real well because we enjoy alot of the same things. But I gotta tell you, working a 10 hour day at some job, coming home and taking care of your family of 7 is easier then this. Thats the way it use to be but I'm learning a new level of giving my life away.I mean that in a positive way. But I do grow weary at times. Come cure!PS- way to go Tara!

[tikit2ride]

Hi Alice I'm an 18 year old girl level c6/7. I was injured sept '99. I too have the same probs as your son. If you want to chast you can e-mail me.
Nat

[AliceM]

Hello Carecure members,

Sometimes a message comes with a icon that you click on and send email; other times this icon is not there. How do you respond to members without this icon? I notice that my name is not associated with this icon. If any of you know, please let me know. I would like to respond to severl people.

Thanks, Alice


Originally posted by AliceM:


It is devastating to see the one you love the most suffer constantly. My son's injury is almost two years old. He has always refused anti-depressants. I have tried to cheer him up which seems to have little effect. What can I do? Do I ignore him, try to get him using his wonderful mind thinking about sports, etc.? I am at a loss. He got a chocolate lab puppy 4 months ago and she has helped temper his dark moods. The weekends and holidays are his worst times. He talks constantly of the mountain bike trails, back packing adventures, etc. always in terms of I will never get to experience again. If I say once we get your pain in control, you can go biking, hiking etc. he becomes very mad. He says, "it is not the same Mom". His dark moods spread to me and it is so hard to fight it and remain positive which is my nature. I am looking forward to reading your adivse. Thank you.

[mj]

Alice, click on the profile card and there is generally an e-mail address on the profile page.

[SCI-Nurse]

Alice, if the envelope icon does not appear on your posts it is because you did not select "allow others to see your e-mail address" in your profile on this site. If you want to allow this, go to your profile and change that feature.

Others who do not want to get mail or reveal their e-mail address will have also left this feature turned off, and will not have an envelope on their posts either.

Some people are reluctant to do this for privacy issues or to prevent spammers from collecting their address from this site. You can set up another e-mail account at a free site if you want to help prevent this. For example, the SCI-Nurses have a e-mail address at this site: www.spinalinjury.net (http://www.spinalinjury.net) for this reason.

[Wise Young]

AliceM, you may remember that you had trouble getting onto this site originally. For some reason, i.e. you had not put in the correct email address or your mailbox was request was sent to me for validation. I went ahead to validate your registration even though your email was invalid. Because the email is invalid, this means that the system did not include it in your profile. You need to go to your profile and put in a valid email address so that others can send email to you.

I understand why many people may not want "spam" email and are reluctant to put their email addresses on public web sites such as this. However, this web site does not make it easy for an automated web robot to snuff through the site and pull out email addresses. You have a much higher risk of getting your email address on spam lists by registering on newspaper sites, voting sites, etc. where they sell the email list to other companies. This, I promise you, we will not do. We will not be selling the registration membership email addresses to any commercial entity.

Please note that the site also needs a valid email address before it can implement the PopIt feature which can send you daily or weekly email digests of replies to topics that you select.

Wise.

[diamindkitten]

dear alice,
i also have a son with a resent injury. i can relate to everything in your post. my son was injured in december of 2000.
the truck that injured my son, injured an entire family.my son is also having a terrible time adjusting to this new life he has been handed. we are being as supportive has possible. i have gone back to work, however i am not the same person either. my job that was such a challenge and fulfilling is now very stressful and belaboring. at time my son lashes out on us,he is angry and i understand his anger. he was a good person living a clean life. why us??
watching your child suffer is the worst possible thing that can happen to a parent. depression is difficult to cure yourself. i find the negitivity can drain all the energy you have.my son will not join in support groups, he will not talk to other injured people either.
however antidepressants are helping to keep him hopeful for a cure. ther were days that she laid ther not eating or speaking to me or anyone else at all. he did overdose on meds intentionally. i found him and he was hospitalised. i thank god he is alive, he curses the doctors who saved him. he went as far to have DNR tattooed to his chest.
you are not alone my friend. when sci moves into your life, no one knows the agony loved ones endure as well as the injured.
we are trying to focus on the CURE. it first i was afraid to instill hope to my son. as i looked into this further i beleive int a cure. our children are young enoug to bennifit from this. i thing the best advise i can give to you is HOPE. try to interest you son i all the internet sites that pertain to the cure of sci.i stared by emailing them to my son. at first he did not read them. i kept emailing them to him but nevder mentioned them until one day he asked me questions on how i found the sites. he bought me a used laptop on ebay so i cluld do more research with him.
we still have very black days. but...when we have a day with some laughs and smiles, i savor them. hopefully some day soon the good days will start to out number the dark days.
if you son will not go for councel,go for yourself. you may be surprised,one day he may ask about it and join you.
alice, i will be thinking about you. hang in there mom!!!

[joseph]

Who's children are around the same age battling with SCI. My son doesn't get depressed much he won't let himself. He says at night when he can't sleep he talks to God.He does get angry easier then he use to.He won't take any medications except pain pills and those around every other day. Massage therapy helps alot with some pain issues.His freinds take him out a few times a week.That helps too.I'm not sure why he doesnt get too down. I get down more then he does. If he gets a cold or just sick thats when he gets really bumbed. My heart goes out to you guys.If the boys like sports you could encourage them toward Fantasy Sports. Its very interesting and keeps Justin busy coaching his team and stratergizing.If I can help in any way feel free to contact me via email.

[Clipper]

Joseph,

While I respect your thoughts regarding "moving forward" with life, I find it troublesome that your family appears to place so much emphasis on cure. We all must move on in our own way, finding what works for us and deriving strength from a variety of sources. But focusing on cure can be very detrimental to both you and your son. I'm hopeful for a cure, and my family is very active in cure research and fundraising. But I have never put my life on hold.

I was hesitant to post this reply because I do not mean to criticize or offend. You and I clearly have different views on such things as religion. But like I said, strength comes from many sources. I wish you and your son all the best, but I strongly encourage both of you to avoid the trap of "filling your days" or "passing time" while waiting for a cure.

[joseph]

Your probably right Clipper.But everyone is different and we all make decisions inner and outer that have to be adjusted along the way.Hopefully we'll make those and Justin will be more productive with his life.We choose to involve God in the process of helping us move forward.Maybe you felt compelled to write your last thoughts so the other folks wouldn't fall into the same trap as us.Our original goals with Justin were finish school and go for the cure.Because the first 2 years we're so involed with getting him off the vent and trying to get him healthy, along with trying different therapies to see if he could get more return, he's only done a little schooling. But a rut has developed and thats what we're trying to address.Buy the way we did get accomplish alot in terms of his health. Along with health products,and Electrical stim for his muscles we got him on 4ap and that has given him better bladder control so that we don't have to cath him anymore. So the focus on cure hasn't been without some benefits. But the subject matter at hand is how us as caregivers deal with our sadness and depression.If you have some ideas on what we can do to better our situation feel free to email me.I'm learning as I go.

[Carl R]

a couple of ideas that have worked for myself and my family. I'm not sure if this is financially feasible or not, but I hired someone to come in for four hours per day to help me get out of bed, do bowelprogram, and get dressed five days a week. She also does minor housework such as washing clothes, washing dishes,vacuuming,etc. Having some outside help has made a HUGE difference in our lives. My wife is not nearly as tired as she was a year ago, and I don't feel guilty for having to ask for help. I was very hesitant to spend the money at first, but is only going to cost roughly $600 per month for the outside help. And that is well worth our sanity in my opinion. It gives everyone a well-deserved break since the first couple of years are so draining on every one.

Little things can also make a big difference in everyone's life. For example, I just got a couple of light switches which are controlled by the computer (doesn't seem like much, but sure makes me feel better) for less than $40. New microphone for the computer which works within 4 ft. of the machine so no one has to put my headset on and off for me. Water jug sits in my lap ($5 from Wal-Mart) with long straw, so no one has to give me a drink. Large lever action doorknobs ($10) for the doors. Even though I don't have use of my wrist (I'm C5), hands or fingers. . . I can still get them open. I even velcroedthe remote control for the television to the side of the couch and I can work it with my knuckles. Some of these things may sound trivial and you may already be using them, but I had been amazed at how much better I feel being able to do the little things without asking for help. And the people around me are not nearly as tired at the end of the day.

[joseph]

Those are some good ideas Carl. We have some simalar things for Justin. He also is C5, biceps but nothing more on the arms.What kind of things do you do to be productive?Do you know of many folks who are c5 or higher that can hold full time jobs.I can Imagine Justin working about 4 hours a day or 6 at home or even broken up 6 to 8 but its hard to imagine him going off to work 9 to 5 unless he had an aid with him.How long has it been for you? Thanks for the imput.

[Annabanana]

joseph, I know of very few paras and no quads that work full time. I'm a para and I work from 10 to 4.30 three days a week, and i find that to be great. When you have to get up about two hours before everyone else to shower and go to the toilet, for me its just too exhausting to then go work a full day, and cook dinner when i get home. I could probably do it, but I think my health would suffer so it wouldnt be worth it.

Maybe your son could aim for around 15 - 20 hours a week to start off with, and see how he manages it.

[Jeff]

I'm a C6 who went through the ultimate in depression. I was always angry and yelling at somebody in my family. My first two years after injury were my last two years of high school. I only went to school two or three days a week and did only a fraction of the work. For some reason they passed me, anyway. I think they were just really glad to get rid of me.

I finally blossomed when I started college and began living on my own. I have a career and have been able to work as many as sixty hours per week. I have almost no finger movement but I've learned to use my hands, anyway, and the sliver of tricep muscle I have in each arm makes them functional.

I recently worked with a C5 who was on his own [had caregivers]. He drove his van to work each day and worked a full schedule.

Things just get easier with time.

~See you at the SCIWire-used-to-be-paralyzed Reunion http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/wavey.gif ~

[rtr]

I know a C5 quad who works full-time. Her work is performed on a computer using a combination of a stick in a universal cuff and voice recognition software. She works from home so her workday schedule is somewhat flexible, but she works the same core hours as other workers.

[Christopher Paddon]

I'm only a paraplegic (not quad) so I've worked full time for MOST of my 19 years of 'imprisonment.'

Not when I get depressed though - I've had to have time off - it ain't that easy, in my opinion but it can be better than staying at home once your mood lifts enough and if you get the opportunity (which is important). I had a very good friend of mine (who died recently), who was a C5 complete quad and the way the disability compensation works here in NZ he could not really contemplate earning money as it would have endangered everything he'd fought for!!

Going to work is good for the money, the social contact but if you can't when this terrible accident happens it's nothing to feel guilty about

[BJ]

In regards to the question of complete quads working. Yes it is possible, hubby has a c5-6 injury has either gone to school full time or worked 7-5 6 days a week for the last 20 years. I worked 7:30-4:30 during this time as well so it was a zoo getting both of us out of the house and on the road by 6:30 every day.

As far as aides at work - he takes himself to work and takes his lunch, had never had help during the day with personal stuff. He's a engineer and does all his work on a mainframe and desk top computer.

Even during college he lived in the dorm and only had an aide for 2 hrs a day.

Retirement is really looking good....... only 5 more years

[joseph]

to hear about everyone of you guys pressing forward with your lives.Working 20 years with C5 C6 is almost hard to believe. Thats so awesome. And no help at work. I don't get it. Justin can eat most stuff on his own but needs some kind of set up to get started. Does your husband have some hands and triceps? That makes all the difference in the world. Even the ability to sqeeze 2 fingers together would be great.

[Clipper]

I am a C5/6 quad with no finger movement or triceps. I went to college full-time beginning one year after my accident. I currently work full-time and have been for the past seven years since graduation. I have no aides who assist me at work. I drive, but mainly use the subway. I mostly work out of my home, but I also go into my firm's office three times a week. I am three hours shy of my master's degree. Over the years, I have come across many things that work for me and make it possible to have a full-time job and be very independent. I use as little "adaptive equipment" as possible. Identify your passion, make it happen. It can be done.

[Chris Chappell]

Yes, as Clipper stated. Quads do work. I'm C6-7, no fingers but I'm still plugging away at a Wall Street career, which by the way is ideal for sci. My job is not about the money but more the mental exercise.

Generally, It's a question of motivation. In my opinion every sci injured person should work, attempt to work or volunteer. Everyone can contribute. We all have a verse in this concert we call life.

With a brain and a voice amazing things can be accomplished. You just have to find the right path. http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif

[hyacinthkabisa]

Originally posted by Clipper:

I am a C5/6 quad with no finger movement or triceps. I went to college full-time beginning one year after my accident. I currently work full-time and have been for the past seven years since graduation. I have no aides who assist me at work. I drive, but mainly use the subway. I mostly work out of my home, but I also go into my firm's office three times a week. I am three hours shy of my master's degree. Over the years, I have come across many things that work for me and make it possible to have a full-time job and be very independent. I use as little "adaptive equipment" as possible. Identify your passion, make it happen. It can be done.

I am also a C5-C6 complete injury quad. I am just wondering how much you can do without help. With no finger movement and no tricept, can you dress yourself up, comb your hair or bathe yourself? If not how do you manage to get ready to go to work every morning? How about catherization, can you do it yourself? I would appreciate any information on how to be as much independent as possible. Thanks, Hyacinth.

[Clipper]

My roommate helps me with my morning activities, such as dressing and bathing. I have someone help me into bed at night. I have had morning aides in the past, but this arrangement works best for me right now. I can do a lot of the shower myself, as well as other grooming activities such as combing my hair and brushing my teeth.

I have an indwelling catheter attached to a leg bag and an electronic draining device. This allows me to drink plenty of fluids and not rely on someone to empty the bag.

Once in my chair, I am very independent. This has taken years of discovering what works best, like placing things I need where I can reach them, etc.

I'm a big believer in NOT spending time on things that require moderate assistance. For example, I'd rather just get up rather than have someone hand me my pants so I can wrestle with them for an hour. Waste of time.

Please let me know if you have more questions.

[joseph]

High Quads working, Wow guys, this is very helpful but I think for us who are not there yet its hard to imagine without some real detailing of your days.From getting up in the morning, getting out, driving, eating,getting back in the house so on. Some of the things you dream builders have down to be more independent could help a bunch of folks who may be newer and more fearful.Good Stuff, thanks and I apolagise for getting off the original topic.It does help in a round about way. If we can get the loved ones we're caring for more independent we wouldn't be as bumbed.

[hyacinthkabisa]

Originally posted by Clipper:

My roommate helps me with my morning activities, such as dressing and bathing. I have someone help me into bed at night. I have had morning aides in the past, but this arrangement works best for me right now. I can do a lot of the shower myself, as well as other grooming activities such as combing my hair and brushing my teeth.

I have an indwelling catheter attached to a leg bag and an electronic draining device . This allows me to drink plenty of fluids and not rely on someone to empty the bag.

Once in my chair, I am very independent. This has taken years of discovering what works best, like placing things I need where I can reach them, etc.

I'm a big believer in NOT spending time on things that require moderate assistance. For example, I'd rather just get up rather than have someone hand me my pants so I can wrestle with them for an hour. Waste of time.

Please let me know if you have more questions.

Thank you so much for the information, it's very impressive. I am familiar with an indwelling catheter attached to a leg bag but I don't know how an electronic draining device works. It sounds like a good option, so please let me know the details about it. Thanks.

[Carl R]

Clipper, I would also like to find out more about the electronic draining device? Where did you get it from? That would be a big help for me. My e-mail is wcarlr@concentric.net. Thanks

[hyacinthkabisa]

Originally posted by AliceM:

It is devastating to see the one you love the most suffer constantly. My son's injury is almost two years old. He has always refused anti-depressants. I have tried to cheer him up which seems to have little effect. What can I do? Do I ignore him, try to get him using his wonderful mind thinking about sports, etc.? I am at a loss. He got a chocolate lab puppy 4 months ago and she has helped temper his dark moods. The weekends and holidays are his worst times. He talks constantly of the mountain bike trails, back packing adventures, etc. always in terms of I will never get to experience again. If I say once we get your pain in control, you can go biking, hiking etc. he becomes very mad. He says, "it is not the same Mom". His dark moods spread to me and it is so hard to fight it and remain positive which is my nature. I am looking forward to reading your adivse. Thank you.

I am sorry about the hardship your son is having. I am also 2 years post the injury and I know what he is going through. I don't take any anti-depressant either but I do not feel depressed because I have faith in God and he carries me through any trial. I have decided to appreciate the least I have rather than complain about what I don't have. In case you don't share my view, please do not feel offended. Thanks.

[Clipper]

Okay ... where to begin. The electric leg bag emptier is attached to the back of my footrest. The tubing from the bag slides through the emptier valve. A switch is attached to my chair. Press the switch, valves opens. A great device and very "hidden."

Here are some links:
www.rdequipment.com (http://www.rdequipment.com)
www.walkandroll.com/legbag/ (http://www.walkandroll.com/legbag/)
www.wheelchairs.com (http://www.wheelchairs.com) (go to options/accessories then see Leg Bag Opener 1 and 2)


As for other stuff, my best advice is to be creative and don't rely on "adaptive" equipment. It has taken me years to discover what works and what does not. It's an evolving process. I'll give some examples:

* Getting into my home independently. I own my own condo in a building that has an underground garage. I use the garage door opener to get inside regardless of whether I am driving or rolling. The door into the garage is electric, per my request when I purchased my condo. Once at my door, I use a remote device to turn off the alarm. I use the same device to arm the alarm when in bed. I use a key holder to unlock the door. It's a readily available "adaptive" device that works like a lever. My door handle is a lever. Easy to open. (Note: Electric door openers are also available for your home.)

* Rawhide loops. Quads have trouble picking stuff up. The answer is rawhide loops. Get a package of plastic suction things (like the kind that hold stuff on a window) and superglue them to the back of TV remotes, cordless phones, etc. Thread a piece of rawhide shoelace through the metal holder on the suction thing and make a knot. Instant, durable loop so you can grab stuff.

* Cheaper reacher. So your remote falls on the floor and you don't have a fancy $300 reacher. No problem. Go to Home Depot and buy a few dowels (round wooden sticks). Screw a small hook into one end, thread a rawhide loop through a hole you drill in the other end. Use the hook to pick up anything hookable. You can make long ones, short ones, whatever. I have one attached to my chair at all times. Better than hauling around an expensive reacher. And easier to use.

That's all I can think of right now. Feel free to ask more questions. And Joseph -- I'd be glad to show you and your son my home. We live very near one another.

[joseph]

Thanks Clipper, I'd love to take you up on that. I'll talk to King Justin and see what he says.

[joseph]

Justin says he'd like to visit and see how you do it all.