View Full Version : damn pains depressing me
All my blasted pains, their refusal to stop getting worse, and the rubbing bones and scoliosis are depressing the hell out of me after 27 years of this crap. I was hoping the dilaudid shots would help a little with the throbbing and scraping, as they did in the ER, but no luck. So, I don't know what to do for some relief, and I'm miserable. I know I'll never get my curve and scapula problems dealt with (should have been done years ago, but apparently orthos don't care about about a patient's ability to function, only if a curve is a proper number of degrees.) Life just sucks, and I'm sick of it.
adi chicago
07-03-2008, 06:52 PM
hang on alan ...the pain kills me as well ...i try to ignore this fuckin pain and i drink beer.god help us.
teena
07-03-2008, 10:51 PM
{{{Alan}}}...< gentle friendship hug...
Wish I could fix it, friend!
Take care and I'll listen anytime...
oh, and you got to have HOPE.
Teena
Princess "Leia"
07-04-2008, 09:47 AM
I can deal with just about all the other garbage that comes with SCI, the pain is the one thing that I find the most difficult of all and yea it can make life suck. Sorry you are having it so bad Alan.
alan, i barely get out of bed any more. am on medical leave and can't even get to doctors half the time and am put down for that. my doc, who i dearly love, keeps telling me i'm depressed.
no. i'm in pain. and i'm tired of neurotin, lexapro, etc. and all that. they only don't help, they make me miserable. and i'm tired of being told i'm depressed and that's my main problem.
i have been up 3 nights straight in pain, no sleep, just listening to audiobooks on ipod. i don't call this depression. in fact, i think my mood is relatively good, given my circumstances.
I still force myself to get out of bed (so I can enjoy sitting like a corkscrew, and aggravating my upper back with movement and bending every time I use one or both arms. Among other things, the kink in my spine between my scapulas, and my right side being torqued so far in front of my left, really mess me up. Plus, all the other pains all over.) Thanks to the abdominal pains, it keeps getting harder to eat (I'm eating even less than my usual small amount), and to breathe.
My mood, like yours, should probably be worse. I don't look forward to that. All we need to feel better is pain relief (and scoliosis relief that was never done in my case.)
alan, don't know if you like poetry, but this Emily Dickinson one i like.
The Mystery of Pain by Emily Dickinson:
http://www.netpoets.com/img/bk.gifPain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.
It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.
Nice poem (though I recall when mine began - July, 1981, a month after feeling absolutely nothing for a month post-injury, the nothing I wish I could feel again), but it didn't help my mood. :( I want some relief from the torture, and the popping shoulders, and the balance problems, and everything else. I just can't take this any longer.
teena
07-09-2008, 12:33 AM
Not much help on the pain scale, but you are not alone in this...you're surrounded here by people who care...
Take care, friend.
Teena
My mother cares, people here care, and that's about it. Nobody understands these sensations unless they have them, and it seems some of my sensations (the broken bones through skin, and the rubbing bones, for two) are shared by few or no people.
I'm not asking for full relief (though I'd love that.) Just cut it in half. And fix my dang scoliosis and scapulas, so I can have some arm function a C-5 should have. Not too much to ask, IMO.
NEWPARA
07-10-2008, 04:33 PM
Im with all of you on the pain is the hardest thing to deal with.I suppose alcohol would be a temperary fix , but I am a recovering alcoholic and cant go there.
It realy seems to me that moister is a huge factorin the level of pain ,mostly nerve pain.I also get pain in my back where there are rods and screws.The other big pain is mostly when Im trying to sleep in my wrist.I have the least pain when Im some sort of fun or just enjoying myself.I do feel alot of the pain is in my thinking ,but I havent been able to pin point how to turn off the pain.
I do know helping others in anyway always makes me feel overall better.
I'm unable to concentrate on anything due to the pains, and they also affect my memory. Even while I'm typing, I'm fidgeting every few words in a vain attempt to loosen my back and keep my balance (I fidget all day long for that reason, even when cussing at the Orioles on TV.) The pains have intensifed for 27 years, and keep intensifying. I was never able to have a life because of them, though I could have as a C-5 without pain, or with low pain levels. I can't do ADLs a person of my level should be able to do, because of the upper back problems of rubbing bones, central pains up there, and lack of balance, and that's depressing on top of all the pain-caused depressing, especially seeing C-5s on this site who do so much themselves and knowing I could have and still could do at least some of what they do if not for the pains.
I often think things like "stop burning" or "I feel loose" (one of my pain sensations is feeling as hard as concrete, and my skin and muscles feel like they rip when I move because I feel so tight and cramped), but that never helps. No meds ever have, either. Torture is no way to live. John McCain is rightfully considred heroic for surving five years of it - what about central pain victims, who endure torture much longer (more than 5x longer, in my case and others?) We're not considered heroes, and very little research is done on this condition.
teena
07-11-2008, 11:42 PM
Alan, in my book, you ARE a hero...:) I can't give you a purple heart, but I can give you a yellow smiley...
:)
It's the best I got here on this computer...:D
Take care my friend!
Teena
I appreciate it, but it isn't enough any more, even with Hope Bear watching over me. :( Torture eventually breaks anyone down, and it got me. Stress over my Mom's healh, my health, our finances (we don't have much, and it's going fast, with fuel and gas and electric and food prices, and no funding for sufficient aide care,
and aides that are reliable, but won't do some things I need because they weren't listed on the job requirements at hiring time, on top of the always worsening torture, broke the camel's back (mine always feels broken, anyway.)
pararich
07-14-2008, 06:51 PM
Sorry for your pain, Alan.
I started exercising with weights and that has actually helped my pain.
Are there any exercises you can do?
I'm trying to learn biofeedback, from a therapist, to deal with pain.
Just doing something to try to improve helps my attitude.
Talking about it (like you are doing) seems to help, too.
When I read your posts I feel mad. Your pain sucks and I hope something
will help alleviate it.
fishin'guy
07-15-2008, 02:01 AM
Alan.. my heart aches for you and others who can't get free of pain. I'm not gonna say been there, I haven't, not nearly this bad- I had 13 back surgeries, all because the pain had gotten to the "can't deal or stand up straight with this" point. But my gawd, so many years, so much pain,so little help, or releif. Iknow ya jus want even a few min.'s worth of releif--I just got into water for the first time simce my surgery last aug. My sis-in-laws pool, omg, the releif on all my bones, I wish I could pick ya up and settle you down till the weight is just lifted from your frame, weightlessness, abounds,you could move w/o grinding, just relax. I can stand pain more than I can stand for anyone else to be in pain. I will pray that you may find some kind of releif for some of the pain, God bless, I'll be thinking of you tonight as I say my piece to God. goodnight
teena
07-15-2008, 01:00 PM
I appreciate it, but it isn't enough any more, even with Hope Bear watching over me. :( Torture eventually breaks anyone down, and it got me. Stress over my Mom's healh, my health, our finances (we don't have much, and it's going fast, with fuel and gas and electric and food prices, and no funding for sufficient aide care,
and aides that are reliable, but won't do some things I need because they weren't listed on the job requirements at hiring time, on top of the always worsening torture, broke the camel's back (mine always feels broken, anyway.)
I think I just saw Hope Bear cry....yep...I did...
She did cry...sighhhhh.
Wish I lived closer and I would camp on your doorstep till you told me to come in or go away, whichever... Sometimes friendship at a distance is the pits...cause I don't have much either, but I do have enough money for lunch for all, then I would find someone who could treat your Mom as the treasure she is and help her through her situation and then I have a hand-fan to beat the electric problems, and I suppose I could buy a horse to beat the gas situation...and I could find someone who wanted to work by YOUR standards, and not THEIRS...and then I could give your pain a big pep talk and tell it to move ON because you don't need to feel any pain...
(Somebody say magic wand!)....GRRRRRR pain...
Take care, friend...I'm still staying in your corner...that's what friends are for...:D
Teena
I can't exercise because of the popping scapulas and upper back pain. I've tried with several PTs, and they each came to the conclusion that I can only make matters worse in my back by exercising. They didn't know what to do about the scapulas, either.
jms462001
07-17-2008, 04:19 AM
Alan.. my heart aches for you and others who can't get free of pain. I'm not gonna say been there, I haven't, not nearly this bad- I had 13 back surgeries, all because the pain had gotten to the "can't deal or stand up straight with this" point. But my gawd, so many years, so much pain,so little help, or releif. Iknow ya jus want even a few min.'s worth of releif--I just got into water for the first time simce my surgery last aug. My sis-in-laws pool, omg, the releif on all my bones, I wish I could pick ya up and settle you down till the weight is just lifted from your frame, weightlessness, abounds,you could move w/o grinding, just relax. I can stand pain more than I can stand for anyone else to be in pain. I will pray that you may find some kind of releif for some of the pain, God bless, I'll be thinking of you tonight as I say my piece to God. goodnight
13 back surgeries??????? And my family wonders why I am not running to the hospital to get the huge back surgery I need! I am in severe pain most of the time and meds only take the edge off, but jeez, if it is not going to get better, if it is going to require more due to the first failing, I say no thank you!!!!!!!
Streezz
07-23-2008, 02:28 PM
I also have a lot of back and rib pain from my injury. I don't take any pain meds or any medication at all anymore though. I just smoke some good quality marijuana which helps me relax and I have a lot less pain. It lowers the pain enough to tolerate it. If I go a few days without it I don't want to get out of bed to sit up cause of the pain from my surgery and ribs rubbing together. Might not work for everyone, some people don't believe in it, but it was well worth trying for me. I get through my day with a smile on my face now. Can't beat it.
Richnotrich
07-28-2008, 10:16 PM
Streezz,
I second that emotion. I take clonazepam, gabapemtin, and doxepin for the burning in my feet and legs (sometimes it travels clear up to my T7/8 level and I get a searing pain in my back). I've been on those 3 for over 10 years, plus a few others that I can't remember.
A doobie, or even a few hits on a pipe does more for my pain than all the other meds combined. It pisses me off that in PA, they don't allow the use of medicinal pot anymore, even for myopia which has been proven to be relieved by it.
This State sucks. Or should I say this State's legislators suck, but then again we all already know that. So I just persevere because it is all I can do. But given the chance to smoke a blunt, I am first in line...lol
rk
crppled007
07-29-2008, 01:49 PM
I'm taking methadone, neurontin, baclofen & xanax(just at night). I've been smoking pot for about 25 yrs and now I can't because when I do smoke(best thing ever god made)it has a reaction with the meth, every bad thought comes out, yes it helps with pain, spasms, ect.. but the mental aspect I can't handle, like a bad trip on shrooms! I'm going to change pain meds cuz I can't give up smoke.
cripp
kkmay
07-29-2008, 09:22 PM
Thank goodness I don't have any that is not tolerable.
GoBig
07-31-2008, 10:59 AM
I second all the info so far! I just want to know of the people on narcotics, do they really help. Effexor and lamictal are both helpful with depression but the pain is still there. My docs an therapist want me to try them but I am only 42 and hope to live past 80.
I feel your pain and I dont know what to say. I have family that just wants to know what it is like. I try to tell them about it but it is hard to discribe. I tell them to discribe the feeling of love and they search for words and I tell them that it is why I cant really share the type of pain.
I can only hope that you find something each day that makes you smile and allows you a moment to focus on something other than the pain.
Regine
07-31-2008, 01:49 PM
For me the narcotics don't help the nerv pain. I try them once in a while, because my doctor keeps suggesting it, but all the oxicodon I'm occasionally taking does, is to turn me into a zombi (and when I take it, I only take 10 mg a day) and to give me major heartburn. But that's really just my experience, I have read good ones here as well.